Read all about it - munter returns to LL

Firstly though, let me introduce Lily and Cheska. And a bit of my mother (very unflattering)! Thought dog lovers would like to see. Lily is very gorgeous (she's the chocolate) which you can't really see here but the second one's a good picture of Cheska in her typical beagle stance with her tail bolt upright. I'm sure there's some beagle blood there somewhere - same tail stance, same paws, same sweet but stubborn nature...

But, let me fill you in on all thing fat-ual (did you see what I did there?!). I had put on almost half a stone in Wales which took my weight to over a stone heavier than my lightest weight. Some came off once I started low-carbing again but not all of it - and that seems to be a pattern: 1) cheat, 2) put on weight, 3) lose some of it. And that means I'm on an upward trajectory which is not acceptable. And then I went shopping with my LL friend Naughty R for a dress for a wedding she's going to and she looked so great (she's not lost all the weight she wants to and fluctuates wildly depending on how much she is cheating but she's looking good) that I felt fat and frumpy. She is gorgeous and 12 years younger than me (I think) so that doesn't help I guess! I came home and thought, right, want to lose another 3 stone and IPD isn't doing it for me. I believe in low-carbing as a way of life - my body likes it and is much happier on it - but it's something to come back to when I'm where I want to be. Or as close as possible anyway - I've decided to do LL for three months or until I've lost 3st, whichever comes first. I'm going to keep the running up if I possibly can too.

I went to my first meeting yesterday. It's on a Sunday morning at 9.30am, a good hour's journey from me so it's a great sacrifice just to get there! I am not a morning person but I AM a lie-in person so it will take a great effort of will not to be grumpy! But this is a group recommended by Cerulean and after my experience with my last daffy LLC, I wanted to actually get someone who knew what they were doing. This lady was a counsellor before LL and was also involved in setting up LL back in the 80s so she certainly qualifies on that point! She seems very astute and very "counsellor-ish" if you know what I mean, she's very good at probing what people say and revealing things about them that they'd. Overweight though - I know it's up to each individual but I've never come across a LLC who isn't, hmmmmm.

I nearly didn't go yesterday as I was on duty and didn't finish until 9am on Sunday morning - this meant either turning up late for the group or waiting til the following week. LLC said she wanted me to go this week as it was the first session of 2 amalgamated groups. And it's just as well as I would have used this as an excuse to eat whatever I wanted for a week. I said this in the group and LLC pointed out that I would have to think about my language etc - and what I really did "want". Good point. Group seemed nice enough although 2-3 people were missing - no real obvious buddies so far though, like I had with R and A in my old group.

So I had a day of eating 'treats' yesterday - except we couldn't get into any of the 3 restaurants we went to for dim sum for lunch (boo) and ended up in Mrs L's recommended GBK for first time (nice, Mrs, but chips not great - still, bet I will be fantasising about them in the days ahead!). Weirdly though, all the things I've basically been breaking my heart over not eating - they weren't that great. My eclair (probably top obsessesion) just didn't hit the spot and was quite disappointing. I would usually use this to try something else and something else until I found the thing that satisfied me. Maybe though, I can't find that in food and that's why nothing quite tasted that good and left me dissatisfied. Radical thought....

I went for a run this morning. Of course after all the carbs (inc pasta supper last night) I should have been speeding round, fleet of foot and light of heart but actually I just plodded round, wheezing gently as per usual. I'm now on 36 mins of 3 mins running, 1 min walking. It doesn't sound impressive but I can assure you it's exhausting! Will be interesting to see how my body reacts on Wednesday when it's been (basically) starved for 2 days.

Today is the first day of abstinence. I had a double shake at about 7.45am (banana and strawberry) and now have to wait until I get home tonight for another double shake (chocolate and vanilla). I can't face the soups and I'm not allowed bars until next week. At least I now like some bars - the 2 they introduced as I finished my 100 days. So from next week I'll have a hot shake with coffee in the morning, a bar at work at lunchtime (surreptiously!) and a double shake in the evening. I realise that this is quite limited (I only like vanilla, chocolate, strawberry and banana) but I'm just going to have to deal with it and not care, it's not food, it's medicine etc etc. I am hungry but that's to be expected. Hang on in there, me.