Tuesday, 30 November 2010

Feeling the fear

All is not good in Peridot’s world. This week I stayed the same – so that’s:

Week 1 - +1
Week 2 - -1
Week 3 – 0

Now, I didn’t have a great weekend – I will disclose 8 truffles and 3 florentines, 2 glasses of champagne (flutes) and 2 glasses of wine. But we did a 2 ½ hour walk in the snow and the sliding about alone made me ache the next day like I haven’t for ages. And it was bitterly cold which is supposed to burn calories. I was too chicken and too flat (yes, the ‘l’ is in there deliberately, it’s not a typo) to track it. I don’t feel like I’m doing very well on the new WW system. I know I’m not eating too much fruit because I’m really restricting it, I know I’m all too often hungry and I know that I’m using my bonus points (as well as some exercise ones sometimes). But I also know that I don’t know what constitutes a good choice and my pps can rocket without me being aware of my making an error (although I do agree with Becca that seafood sticks are an evil, made-up non-food (tasty though!)).

After the snowy, skiddy walk (so weird with the snow and the colours of autumn at the same time) we got back late for lunch and I was starving. I had an emergency mars bar in my walking pack which, despite being really hungry, I managed to resist. So I careered into the cafe with glee, being overly ready for my lunch. It was full. So then we had to go to another cafe where literally all they had were a variety of rolls. Most with melty cheese of one type or another in. I had the only one that wasn’t but it was disappointing since it wasn’t what I wanted and I was reasonably sure was doing me no favours on the pointy front either (one of those I can deal with but both colliding together make me sulky and resentful).

And work is tough at the moment – and lonely. And it’s cold and dark and my period is due and I have a spot and I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself. I was reading a bridal magazine yesterday and looking at a wedding show’s details and I realised I didn’t want to go because I was ashamed of being too fat for a bride and that other (slimmer) women might sneer at me. And/or pity me.

All of this means I want to forget the infuriating and mystifying pps and drink fizz and mulled wine and big glasses of red with hearty meals. And eat canapés and chocolate and mince pies and chocolate log and chocolate.

But I have to be slim enough not to fear wedding dress shopping by next autumn.

Friday, 26 November 2010

Jean genie

I would love to be able to say that I am slowly getting to grips with pp – but I’m not. I had to grab something from M&S to eat as a late rapid supper earlier in the week; I’d checked chicken drumsticks as I had a hunch they might be okay (being a) protein and b) erm, chicken) – they were 3pps with skin. But I also saw one of their little snack tubs with seafood sticks and some sauce to dip. Well, thought I, that’s high protein and fishy (if of a suspect and indeterminate origin) and I just fancied it. It was 115g but I only ate half the sauce so counted it as 100g – which was a staggering 6 points! So I broke into my weekly budget of points, sigh. I just like to keep them for the weekend and against miscalculation. Today, knowing I will have the extremely pointy canapés for supper (at 10pm), I was trying to just eat fruit and veg – until I almost fainted. So now I’m further into my bonus allowance (a small piece of cheese, some prawns and a mini brown rice sushi box). This shouldn’t matter but it makes me feel nervous.

We’re going to a tea room for a Sunday lunch on Sunday but that (canapés aside) is my only food splurge. This week.

Next week it’s my mum’s birthday. Now, she’s on Dukkan but we’ll have either lunch/dinner and some blinis with smoked salmon etc. She doesn’t want me to bake her a cake but I’ll get some little sweet treats (cupcakes if I can find the time to go and get them). She was bemoaning her flabbiness and ‘fat bits’ whilst simultaneously telling me she’s now under 8 stone and has just bought a pair of size 4 jeans. It’s difficult to be sympathetic! Particularly since I just bought her a very expensive pair of designer jeans (NYDJ – she’s got too teeny for the pair she has) for her birthday in a size 8. Today I’ve ordered a 6. But I think that’s as low as they go and bizarrely, they don’t do a petite in anything smaller than an 8 (huh? Surely only pixies are that small anyway. Unless they all wear stilts...)

Tuesday, 23 November 2010

Ginge-binge ahoy

I lost 1lb since last week. When, you may recall, I had put on 1lb. So my net loss since starting Propoints is a big fat zero. This, combined with a miserable and stressful time at work, is really making me want to have a chocolate ginge-binge. The ginge is me, not some new and esoteric type of chocolate. Although there is a ginger Green & Blacks – but I don’t like stem ginger (yes, fully alive to the irony of this). Although - again - I am in black today (my best Duracell impression) as it was my choir performance at lunchtime and we are Choir of Death (all in black). It was fine when we sang the Requiem but less so when we're carolling. Today was American jazz and spirituals.

Pushing me further in the sinful direction of a ginge-binge is the fact that I’m meeting a friend tonight for supper in Prezzo – and I have no idea of what the pps might be/could be. I’m going to order, from their low calorie menu, a pasta dish with vegetable sauce (a previous WW winner) – but who knows if it’s a pp wise choice? Having made what seemed to be an utterly blameless Nicoise salad the other day which came to a staggering 11 pps, I’m still confuddled by the whole system.

I agree that 1lb off is the right direction (before you all yell it at me!) but it still seems woefully inadequate, especially given my wholly undeserved gain previously (“Previously on this blog” – as narrated by Jack Bauer). People are getting very snippy on the WW boards with anyone who may be perceived as criticising the new system – all very cult-like! As ever, I’m happy to believe but I need the proof! I’ll accept a sudden lurch taking me to kissing distance from Chubby.

Monday, 22 November 2010

Still struggling (shouldn't that burn fat in itself?)

Well, I had a great weekend but have used ALL my 49 bonus points and some exercise points too (still have 25 in the bank) by going WAY over on Saturday and Sunday. Although I know this is ‘allowed’ I still feel very anxious about it.

Saturday: I had 3 glasses of wine and a glass of champagne and a pudding. Yesterday I had some of those supermarket (Waitrose) canapés. I’m utterly addicted to these; I love all small food (dim sum, tapas etc) and we often have these festive nibbles in lieu of supper in December. We had mini cheeseburgers, mini welsh rarebits, mini scones with ham and mini sausage pinches (like a posh sausage roll with less pastry). This cost me a staggering 33 ppoints! And that’s eating less than half. Of course, the nicest things were the ham scones which were also the pointiest. I find this depressing.

I do struggle not to want festive goodies. Well, in actual fact I DO want festive goodies but I struggle not to actually eat them. We have more canapés in the freezer in Suffolk for Friday night when I get there super late (my boss won’t let me leave an hour early which means that I won’t get there until 9.30pm because of gaps in the trains) and I’m already afraid of eating them. I’m also panicking about meeting a friend for supper tomorrow night – we’re going to Prezzo and they have low cal options, but who knows if they’re pp friendly? Not me. Not the eating out guide. But these are my only foreseeable pitfalls for next week. Saturday night: we’ve already bought venison to have with celeriac puree and veg (maybe red cabbage..) and a glass of wine would be nice.

Even more depressing is that, although I’m still within the rules, I reckon I won’t have lost any weight again this week. Some sneaky peeking leads me to this conclusion. I didn’t use all my bonus points last week and put on, remember. Watch this space tomorrow....

Friday, 19 November 2010

In the dark

I am still thoroughly confused with the new WW propoints system. Tonight I need to eat a quick supper before we drive up to Suffolk and so I went to M&S in my lunch-hour for a prick-and-ping meal. I dithered around for ages, not knowing what to pick: all the low cal ranges looked very carby which I think is the devil as far as the new system is concerned (I think so but I'm not sure). In the end I picked a Chilli chicken noodles dish from a range which said “high protein and balanced carbs” (and lower calorie), as I knew protein is good on pp. At least, that’s what I thought – I’ve come back and pointed it and it’s 12 points. It’s therefore blown my budget for today – and made me feel very ‘oh sod it’. I know it's not constructive and I am battling it but I feel infuriated, frustrated and confused. I know we have the 49 bonus points, but I was planning on saving those for a meal out on Saturday night. I just wish I had some clue what to do in these circumstances – at least on the old system I could pick things up and check relative values of calories and saturated fat to make an educated choice, now .... no idea, blank, nothing, nada, not a glimmer. I cannot work out the logic behind it – I’m not sure if it’s me being thick or not but I am really struggling.

At least I have a pretty perfect day lined up for tomorrow. We’re going for a walk (as long as it’s not tipping it down with rain – forecast is fog. A bit iffy as it’s a riverside walk!), then to see the new Harry Potter film (long-suffering bf) and then out for dinner. Where it’s going to be pretty impossible to make WW friendly choices since I don’t know what they are. But it's to celebrate our pseudo-anniversary - 16 years since we met! I was a mere child, obviously. I'll let this anniversary date go once we're married and stick to that as the day of celebration but for now, I think it's something worth celebrating. I will be having a glass of champagne and 2 glasses of wine - I give you fair warning of this! Of course, I'd like half a bottle of each, but I am hoping for third time lucky with Scales of Severity on Tuesday.

But seriously, how can you make good choices and succeed on a diet when you don’t know (and have not been told) what those good choices are? It makes me feel very anxious. A trigger for sugar consumption of course!

Tuesday, 16 November 2010

Chasing Chubby (come back!)

You may have noticed radio silence from me - a week without posting is unsual for me. And remiss. I have been stupidly busy at work and morale is very low which is sapping. And I've been trying to get my head around these WW propoints; now, I would not say I was a stupid woman and yet it seems utterly random whether I have points to play with or whether I squeak in. I have no idea when I need to buy a quick lunch or choose something for supper whether my choices will gain pp approval or not. It's a complete mystery to me.

Sneakily I weighed myself after 3 days and had lost 1.5lbs, taking me to Tubby.6 3/4. Well, I thought, if I carry on like that, I'll get a pleasing loss on WI. I can cope with the uncertainty and the confusion and the upheaval if I get a good loss. This morning was WI: SoS tells me with disapassionate precision that I have put on 1lb. And not since the sneaky WI but over the week - so you could say since interim WI I have put on nearly 3lbs! HOW? WHY? I used my points but only half of my weekly bonus allocation, I used none of my exercise points, I ate fruit judiciously rather than like a crazy woman. I never eat bananas because they're foul so it's not even the fruit formerly known as pointy. I am not happy. I'm giving it a month and then... well, not quite sure actually but it will certainly involve sulking and even an adult temper trantrum. Scales of Severity may be re-christened as Scales of Doom II at this rate.

Chubby by Christmas is looking more and more like a pipe dream: I am currently Tubby.9. I wanted to be c.Chubby.10 to allow for a couple (ha!) of lbs on over Christmas. It's only about 5 weeks to go! I think Christmas 2010 will be spent as a Tubster.

Right, off for my dinner of lean ham and ratatouille. Sulk.

Tuesday, 9 November 2010

Feeling fruity

I give you... Scales of Severity. God bless all who weigh on her. Chiefly, me. I lost an extremely paltry ½lb this week. Taking me streaking from Tubby.8 ¾ to Tubby.8 ¼ (not literally - what an unpleasant thought. I weigh in in a long t-shirt fyi). For the purposes of online recording this is the second week running that I have stayed the same. Let’s hope that this new WW propoints is all that’s it’s trumpeting itself to be. Because I’m not going to get to Chubby this way (or at any rate, very slowly at an average of ¼lb a week). And I do so want to be Chubby by Christmas (can you fix that for me Santa? Can you please?). Preferably to be stuck in a little way into Chubby to account for the inevitable festive pile on.

One thing I can see about WW II (hmm, just realised how that looks!) is that I am having fewer snacks – I’m having fruit instead. Given that my old favourite snack of 2 Ryvita crispbread (to be consumed with cream cheese) has gone from ½ point to a whopping 4 points (and that’s without the cream cheese). An inoffensive Ryvita! And – sheer lunacy this – a jaffa cake is only 1 point! Which would you rather have? A crispbread with the appearance and taste of plywood or 4 zesty chocolatey jaffa cakes? Admittedly the latter is not as good with cream cheese....

I may be hungrier but this lack of snack must be a good thing, right? My first day of the full week starts today so it will be interesting to see what I weigh in as next week. I don’t need to tell you, Reader, that all the pain, irritation, hunger and anxiety will be worth it for a good 2lb (+) drop.

On the fruit machine today:
· 4 satsumas
· 2 apples
· Handful blueberries
· Small bunch grapes
· Tub of mango

Is this where loads of money comes pouring out of the slot?

Monday, 8 November 2010


Well, I don't want to write off the new WW Propoints system until I've given it a few weeks but so far I am not feeling the love. Firstly, I used to be on 22 points but am now on 29 (a day). This is the minimum number of points so those people who were on 16 points are also on 29. But most things seem to be roughly double points - for example, my favourite Crussh soup which is a very innocent ginger chicken miso was 3 points and is now 6! It only has clear miso, veg, chicken and some wholewheat noodles. Consequently I feel like I get fewer points a day and I'm hungry. Yes, fruit is now free but I don't want to go too mad on this as I'm very unconvinced that industrial quantities of fruit are going to do me any good at all. As it is, today I've had:
  • handful of blueberries (in my porridge)
  • 2 apples
  • 3 satsumas
  • 600g of watermelon

And today is not yet over - I'm either going to bake an apple (but would have to count the raisins and tsp of honey to stuff it with as 3 points and I only have 2 left) or have a pear. Technically I could do both. That's a lot of sugar - okay, fructose but sugar is sugar, no matter what. As I say, I am suspicious of this but I'll go with it for the time being. Whilst trying not to fill up on fruit.

My low fat cheddar and sweetcorn scones have gone up from 3.5points to 6 points. Shame as I made a batch yesterday! I had one with roasted butternut squash soup and a parma ham crisp. All very yummy.

The weekend - very nice but overly full of shortbread. For which of course I had to starve to come in on points (not in a ballet sense although that would be interesting)! And watch bf and his friend drink red wine - I really wanted a glass but I'd had that shortbread. We did a long blustery walk and saw some great fireworks - and the autumn colours were so beautiful, I was sad to come back to London. Next weekend I'm working so no Suffolk for me. Bf is trying to think of nice things we can do/eat to cheer me up. Sweet of him. Eating things to cheer myself up is a rocky road to go down though. And sadly that is not a road studded with chocolate chips and marshmallows - although it could easily be!

Friday, 5 November 2010

The weekend starts here. Nearly

It’s all a bit much to be honest. Work’s unbelievable at the moment (and not in a good way) and the office is heated to just under boiling point which makes me feel as if I’m in a panic even when I am not. The urge to soothe myself with chocolate is unbearable. This vies with the urge to not bother with WW since it’s all about to change anyway and I don’t know what’s going on. I’m hanging in there - by the skin of my teeth - as I really would like to see the scales move down for me on Tuesday. But I haven’t been counting fruit in anticipation of the new “Propoints” (sounds like toothpaste/mouthwash to me) – rather naughty but in the scale of personal struggle this week, I’m not berating myself too hard. Today I have had (in terms of fruit) 90g of blueberries in my morning porridge, 2 satsumas, an apple, 550g watermelon and I may have something later. For me, this is not a lot of fruit but I suspend belief that this will lead to weight loss. Nice if it’s true though.

This weekend we’re off to Suffolk and bf’s sweet but slightly odd friend is coming tomorrow so that he can see the fireworks with us on Saturday night. We’re meeting him for brunch on Saturday morning (grilled bacon sarnie with mushrooms for me) and in the evening (post fireworks) we’re having hot dogs but with Ginger Pig sausages. Just one for me (sadly) and then a brownie (they’re having ice cream with theirs but not - alas - for me) – all pointed and correct. I’ll need a snack in between brunch and supper though but no inspiration there as yet. We’ll be doing a reasonable walk on Saturday too. No idea about Sunday and I’m too tired to either come up with a plan or worry that I don’t have one!

Hope your weekend is full of all the bangs and whizzes, oohs and ahs that your heart desires.

PS Sorry for getting you on to Big Purple Ones Seren; you will simultaneously thank and curse me.

Thursday, 4 November 2010

A Fruitful Future

I have hit a hiccup on my bid for Chubby(ness): this week I stayed the same weight at my (delayed) WI, not so much as a ¼ ounce less (my scales remained un-named whilst I assess their friendliness or other). I am telling myself that this is a blip as a result of my delayed period (nothing dramatic, no Peridotlettes, suspect early pre-menopause, sigh) and that next week will see a downward plummet. Or a shift in the right direction anyway.

And then the new (very leaky) WW plan will be fully unveiled and that’s supposed to have a miraculous effect. Even though fruit is nil points. But not ‘free’. Oh no. You don’t count it if you eat it but it’s not free. I don’t quite get this.... But to be fair, I’m getting my information from rumour and PR material WW have released to the media (rather than telling its paying customers). I actually bought Bella and Best yesterday in a bid to discover what the flipping heck was going on, the latter of which made me feel slightly grubby – I won’t be swopping magazine allegiances from Red and She to Bella any time this side of hell freezing over. I even had to resort to the Daily Mail today (online, obviously) which makes me feel very furtive. So far, this new plan is all very confusing and unclear - and as an online WW member (rather than going to classes), it may never become less so since they’re not - to date - hot at explaining online. I actually feel tired just thinking of having to make all the mistakes and put all the time in to try and find what I can and can’t eat through trial and error. But I’m prepared to eat my words – assuming they’re no points of course! – if I do get this lauded effect of dropping a dress size by Christmas.

We had a nice weekend – got some walking in, including one on my own just to burn cals whilst bf was off having his wrist slapped for speeding (remedial driving course!). We did have a dinner out but I chose pretty carefully (I even left my chips. Okay, they weren’t that nice but I’d have eaten them just because they were chips in the past). We also went to an afternoon party where there was a delicious buffet – lots of mini nibbly cakes – but I still came (just) under points for the week. May have dipped a little into my exercise points but I still had points in the bank at the end of the week. Which I believe is the whole point (pardon the pun). Currently at any rate.

I do so hope that this new system will allow me to have my couple of squares of dark chocolate every day – what I really like about WW is that I can have these treats as long as I account for them AND save points so I can relax a bit at the weekend. It stops me rebelling. I even resist the Big Purple Ones if I don’t have enough points – as long as I have a point for a chocolate square (current favourite – Valrhona Manjari). And any day I have the requisite 3 points - I hit that Big Purple with extreme pleasure.

My resolve is going to be put sorely to the test over the next few weeks. We’re so short staffed at work that my team has pretty much been re-allocated across the office – leaving me to do the work of 3 people. Just the thought of that makes me want to panic and/or comfort eat industrial quantities of sugar. It’s so not the right time to be starting a new diet. And I don’t embrace change readily. But I do embrace getting slimmer and I love the thought (dubious as I am) of more pointless (literally) fruit. Bring on those pears, apples, satsumas, melon, lychees, pineapple...