Thursday, 21 May 2015

Tally (ho)

Maybe this is a test of faith.  Or maybe this is my usual thing of diets just grinding to a halt.  I lost 1lb.  Could be worse right?  Well, yes, it could be worse.  A lot worse.  Except.  It’s been 9 weeks and I’ve still not lost a stone.  I was a heartbeat away from it 4 weeks ago so not much has happened since.  To whit:
Wk 1:  -5 lbs
Wk 2: -1 ½ lbs
Wk 3: -1 lb
Wk 4: -3 ½ lbs
Wk 5: - ½ lb
Wk 6: -4 lbs
Wk 7 : +1 ½ lbs
Wk 8: - ½ lb
Wk 9: -1 lb
Grand total = 13 ½ lbs

It’s not great, is it?  I wouldn’t mind if I knew where I was going wrong.  Okay, I’d mind. Obviously.  But I would know what to do – or take it on the chins. 

And just to add insult to injury, I thought I’d weigh myself today in case yesterday’s WI was mucked up by having not properly started my period.  I’d put that 1lb back on.  I’m trying to ignore it.  But truth to tell, dear Reader, it’s playing on my mind.  Or rather, stomping up and down on my mind in hobnail boots, screaming as it does so.  Because I weighed myself at the end of last week and I’d already lost that 1lb: so conceivably I’ve not only not lost anything since last Friday, but I’ve put on too.  And frankly?  I don’t deserve that.  Still, no need to fork out for that bracelet any time soon, eh?!

I’ve been unusually hungry this last 10 days too.  I don’t know why.  Initially I thought it was hormonal but now I have the two types of stomach pain: the monthly type and the hunger type.  If anyone has any ideas why hunger goes in cycles, I’d love to hear it.

Fatloss Forecast:

Not good tbh.  Elongating the weekend is excellent for every reason save dieting.  You know they say misery loves company?  Well, it’s more like dieting loves misery.  Perhaps it’s a complicated virtual love triangle.  I have a four day weekend – hurrah!  But.  I will be drinking wine on 3-4 days.  This doesn’t bode well after a pretty damn virtuous week and what that brought.  I will of course be super-careful elsewhere to compensate.  We are supposed to be having work drinks tonight and I’ve already said I won’t be drinking; this has not been a popular decision.

Wednesday, 13 May 2015


Was it because I mooted the stone bracelet idea?  Was it because I started to hope and anticipate days when I didn’t feel so bad about myself?  I don’t know.  Because after a good week - which included skipping two breakfasts and two dinners – in which I reined back the booze and skipped pudding when we ate out, I lost ½ lb. 

You’ll recall that I put on 1 ½ lb last week.  I’d had a lot of booze and so I accepted it, painful as it was as the previous week I had only ½ lb to go before I hit a stone off.  That milestone seems to be moving further away rather than getting closer at the moment.  I now have 1 ½ lbs to go to hit that target.  It feels like reverse.

I’m trying to be if not sanguine, at least philosophical and stoical.  I’m trying to block it off in my mind and just plod onwards, hoping for better next week.  I’m trying not to have an inward temper tantrum and think ‘sod it’ and eat with abandon.  Because let’s face it dear Reader, whilst it might be short term gratification, it will not mean I can wear my favourite two linen shirts on the Canada trip (FOR WHICH WE’VE BOOKED OUR FLIGHTS!  PREMIUM ECONOMY TOO!  I’M VERY EXCITED!), it will not mean I can get back into my beloved tweed coat in the winter nor my gorgeous waxed jacked (and no, that’s not an oxymoron, it’s amazing – like a frock coat but wax) nor delve into the bags and bags of clothes cluttering up my wardrobe because they’re too small.  So I need to – in what’s become an irksomely hackneyed phrase – keep calm and carry on.

But I wish I knew why.  So that I could make sure I didn’t repeat that behaviour.

Fatloss forecast:

Right, I have a couple of social occasions in the week ahead which, as we know, dear Reader, means that alarms and klaxons are going off like crazy.  Drinks tomorrow with one of my best friends (honorary brother and ex-boss) who is changing jobs and won’t be based in London any more (sob) and a former colleague of ours.  And then supper with another of my best friends (honorary sister – seriously, we’ve been friends for 22 years) on Monday.  She always wants to go to Wahaca (and bless her, she always pays so I figure she has that right) so I’ll have to look at the menu to choose the least damaging option.  Something around salad I expect.  Definitely not tacos with oozy cheesy yumminess in anyway.  Sigh.

Thursday, 7 May 2015

Wrong direction

Ah well.  I guess I knew it was coming but that doesn’t mean that I hadn’t had the odd flicker of hope – ruthlessly suppressed of course – that I might have a small loss this week (just ½ lb, just ½ lb to take me to a stone pleeeeeeeeeeeease). 

But it was not to be.  I put on 1 ½ lbs.  That’s what booze, lasagne and tiramisu does, dear Reader.  In a way, it serves me right.  In another, it’s not like I went crazy and joyously careered off-piste and headfirst, jaws open, into a vat of calorific yumminess.  I can’t pretend it doesn’t sting a bit. 

But now what I have to do is get over it and keep a very tight grip.  I accept it’s contrary, but a loss motivates me to keep going, a gain makes me want to give up and self-soothe with chocolate.  So this gain has to be a blip.  Next week I want to have one of my super-losses (yep 2lbs+) to take me to that stone loss (and ideally beyond but shush, don’t risk the wrath of the diet god by tempting fate) and so have to knuckle down, buckle up, plough on -  and every other related idiom - and keep my eye on the prize (I am all about the idiom).

The perilous route to next WI:
I think I dodged going out on Friday night (sad that dieting requires this sort of thing really) but we have Sunday lunch out with the MIL and stepson.  No booze for that so I am anticipating a gold star on that front.  And I ought to be able to manage food choices too – as well as compensate elsewhere over the week.  I’m seeing a friend on Monday and that’s an unknown quantity currently.  I’m trying to persuade her to go and see a film rather than out for supper but it may not work.  Either way, it looks less foody, less boozy and a tad less unpredictable so I’m hoping that will do the trick.

May the odds be forever in your favour. (And, erm, mine.  Obviously (if selfishly))

Tuesday, 5 May 2015

The booze news

Usually I only have alcohol once a week.  This week has been, um, well... as follows:

Thu – friend stops by unexpectedly (this almost never happens in London.  In fact it’s the first time: she had flown into the airport we live nearby).  At least half a bottle of wine.  Skipped dinner.
Fri – P’s nephew and fiancée over for supper.  Almost half a bottle of wine
Sat – just under half a bottle of red plus a large glass of white
Sun – just under half a bottle of wine
Tonight – gin or cocktails with the friend I put off last week


I skipped a couple of meals but I don’t think that’s going to cut the mustard.  Especially as I had a non-SW supper of meatball lasagne (cheese!  The horror!) on Friday and tiramisu (Cheese (a lot)!  Kahlua (a little)!  Sugar (a little)!  Grated chocolate (a little)!).  I had less than I wanted and it was actually too much and I felt quite ill.  Then I had another piece of tiramisu on Saturday. 

I have a nasty feeling I’m going to put on on WI on Thursday, despite the skippage, the shunning of the ‘healthy extras’ over the weekend (which is normal for me) and a syn free day yesterday (and a low syn day planned for tomorrow).  It’s particularly depressing as a mere ½ lb would mean I’d lost a stone.  But there we go.  I need to take it on the chin (chin... hips... belly... wherever) and knuckle down for the following week.  I know that I have a tendency to go a bit awry after a disappointing week so I need to guard against that.  It’s illogical.  It mustn’t happen.

The week ahead: at the moment, we have lunch out for MIL’s birthday on Sunday but I am hoping one meal out, with wise choices, won’t derail me.  And then seeing friends on Monday night next week (not sure what we’re doing) and Tuesday for one of those shopping event nights with fizz.  So limited fizz for me.  It’s not the leanest week but with some fancy footwork, I’m hoping to have a reasonable result (crossing all fingers as I type this).  In any case, I must not let a couple of bad weeks become a trend.

In other news: my jeans – which were on the generous side – have definitely got absurdly big.  I have the next size down.  They just about fit – less comfortably when I sit, admittedly.  But they fit better than the bigger ones which were at the falling down stage.  I’d got used to acres (not quite literally, dear Reader) of material flapping around my legs so when I wore the smaller size, it felt odd, light and quite freeing.  And after painting myself – and to a lesser extent our railings – over the weekend, the larger ones are now liberally splodged with green.  As indeed am I.  It does make for scruffier jeans though, so I need to concentrate on pensioning those ones off and staying in (and staying in more comfortably) the smaller ones.  It’s not easy being green....

Friday, 1 May 2015


Well.  I don’t know what’s going on, dear Reader.  I’m pretty much speechless and totally mystified – I lost 4lbs.  I’m now half a lb off my first stone (in 6 weeks).  Maybe I have good results every other week?  Maybe the fact that I missed several whole meals offset the small indulgences of early in the week?  Maybe the mole I had removed had the disproportionate weight of some sort of mysterious heavy mass?  I don’t know.  I wish I did as I’d like losses like this every week (please).  Ideally without the mole removal which involved cutting and burning and has left me with a sore arm.  Would I put up with this for a 4lb drop every week?  Well, probably but it doesn’t seem the most practical or sane plan.

I didn’t go out for drinks with my friend – that may have helped.  And I didn’t go out with her because I had a migraine – this was the reason for some of the skipped meals.  I’m out with her on Tuesday instead.  And we have P’s nephew and fiancée over for supper tonight (basic supper as when we went there it was breaded chicken strips in tortillas (and then a plate of biscuits (basic ones) for pudding?????) and we don’t want to look flash: meatball lasagne with salads and then tiramisu (P’s favourite)).  Basic it may be but not SW friendly – too cheesy, too pudding and, for my version, too carby.

And last night we had an unexpected visit from a friend.  I had three large glasses of wine and skipped supper to compensate – and now I feel horrible.  At the moment I do not feel like meatball lasagne, tiramisu or wine.  My breakfast (yoghurt (Seren: you were right about the Liberte yoghurt – better than Fage even) and berries) is still sitting on my desk.  Bleurgh.  What a feeble reaction to 3 glasses – however large. 

Tomorrow will be spent painting our railings.  Let no-one say we don’t know how to lead a crazy-fun, hedonistic lifestyle.  Does this burn a lot of calories?  I doubt it.  It is likely to make us hungry though so I’ll need to watch that.

Even with my weird fortnightly cycle of losses predicting a small loss for this week, I’d like to at least get that ½ lb off to make it a stone.  Obviously more would be better!  Please keep your metaphorical fingers crossed for next Thursday.

Happy bank holiday weekend all.

Friday, 24 April 2015

Error message: brain disengaged

I lost a measly 1/2lb this week.  I took a deep breath and reasoned it out: I had an excellent loss last week, it’s bound to happen sometimes, it’s still a loss which is better than a gain, it’s okay that I can’t work out why (as panic started slipping its tendrils throughout my brain).  Reader, I was quite proud of myself for not being a drama queen and flinging myself about.

And then.

On Wednesday I had two big pieces of cake at our charity bake sale and some sweets.  Yesterday I had a small plastic beaker of (indifferent) wine and a large handful of some sort of crisp things at book club.  And whilst these are quite modest in the whole arena of binging, neither will do anything to ensure I see a better result on Scales of Doom (SoD) next week.

I wouldn’t say I made these choices in an attitude of despair – more that somehow my subconscious seemed to be making an effort to bring me down.  Metaphorically.  It’s surprising that for me, a poor result tends to erode what little willpower I have, whilst a good one bolsters it.  Which doesn’t exactly explain this week’s result but still.  It’s a vicious spiral that I really have to resist getting sucked into. 

Before next week I have to navigate drinks out with a friend too.  It consistently saddens me that any social occasion is fraught with dieting anxiety which spoils the pleasure that there ought to be in it.  We have P’s nephew and fiancée over for supper the following week and whilst that’s in a whole different dieting week, it’s already making me anxious.  I’ve said I’ll make a meatball lasagne which defies both the rules around diabetes (containing as it does, pasta) and SW due to excessive cheesiness.  Ditto the tiramisu I’m making for pudding.  My only contingency plan is for small portions (for me) and stringent under synning (*cringe*) throughout the rest of the week.

Friday, 17 April 2015

In SoD we trust (ish)

Hold on to your hat, dear Reader, I lost 3lbs!  On the down side, I don’t know quite what I did to warrant this.  But the plus side... well, I think you can work that out!  This is a Lighterlife rate of loss – and in fact, I did not lose as much as 3lbs most weeks,

And it means I’ve lost 9lbs overall (when you take into account the 1lb I put on) which has taken me into a different stone bracket.  Still a goodyear-blimp stone bracket, but the psychological effect of going down a bracket is not to be sneezed at.  In fact, I keep having anxiety twitches that I misread the stone bit and have in fact put ON 11lbs.  Logically I know that cannot be the case but I still have to keep talking myself down from that point.

My tracking data is still disappointing though.  How can statistical tools have it in for you?!  It’s accepted that I’m going down but refuses to accept I’m ever going to get below a further stone down!  I’d find it really motivational if it showed the projected progress to target.

Anyway, I’m taking a 3lb loss as definite honeymoon material – and I would stress in response to people saying that a loss of 1.5lbs was good, that I completely agree, it’s just that the first couple of weeks I always hope for slightly better results.  I’d certainly be happy with 1.5lb as a steady weekly loss.  I’d like to (if it’s possible and I feel like I’m tempting fate just saying this) lose a stone every three months.  Now, I believe the received wisdom is that a stone every two months is very achievable – so I’m taking into account my historic sluggish losses.  I know, it’s only been 4 weeks so I’ll have to see how I go since I absolutely accept that the first month of a diet is not a template for how it will go thereon in. 

I saw rather a nice idea in the SW mag – someone had bought one of those Pandora bracelets and put a bead charm on for every stone she lost.  I don’t wear silver but if I can find an equivalent in some other material (copper, gold plated, whatever) I may copy this.  I can’t think of a more significant way of reminding yourself a lot of what you’ve achieved to date.  After a quick and furtive look, I may be able to get a leather bracelet and beads from Trollbeads (what a name!) and although the clasps and ends of the beads are silver, it wouldn’t really show too much.  Now all I have to do is lose another 5lbs.  On. It.