Friday, 20 November 2015

Ho, ho, ho or no, no, no?

I’m feeling a bit weary of the dieting.  I’m guessing you are too: the world of dieting blogland is oh so quiet.  

I seem to have fallen into one of those deep crevices of dieting woes that is hard to clamber out of.  I had hit a 2st 2lbs loss just before our trip to Devon.  Then I put on 4.5lbs.  Then I put on another ¼ lb.  And then I couldn’t get under that.  On a starve day I can lose 2lbs but a normal diet day will lead to me putting on 1.5lbs.  Now, someone of a relentlessly Pollyanna persuasion would say that this is still a net loss of ½ lb but actually, the reality is that I’m still over 2lbs over my 2stone loss – and over 4lbs over pre-Devon.  And WAY above where I a) feel less frantic and repulsive and b) where I need to be.

There are other nasties in the mix which probably aren’t helping.  I’ve got very bad at not drinking anything during the day again – that may impact.  And I’m just finishing my period.  I certainly feel more bloated than normal. 

But it’s quite hard to keep motivated when you’re not seeing much return on investment.  I think some people use a lack of success to fortify their resolve: for me, I tend to think ‘oh sod it, what’s the point of denying myself if it’s not achieving anything’.  I had wanted to get down to the next stone bracket before Christmas but with less than 5 weeks to go, I think that just over 10lbs is unlikely.  Especially as there will be a few more social occasions in the diary than my usual semi-hermit existence.  So I’m reluctantly revising my target to below my 2stone off (again) -  I’d like to get a bit of a buffer against festive over-consumption so I don’t end up back up here again.  I’m also going to be super-careful where I can over the ensuing weeks to try and achieve this: I’m still going to do my 2 starve days a week, hard-core dieting the other week days and dieting with slightly less vigilance at the weekend but accepting that the odd weekday will be more indulgent than usual, minimising that indulgence as much as possible and trying to offset on those days by particularly frugal with other meals.

This weekend we’re going out to dinner on Saturday.  This kind of encapsulates what I most hate about dieting.  Okay, the second thing I hate most: number one being the dieting with no appreciable results thing.  But I have the familiar pull between pleasure and dread – I love the idea of going out to dinner with my lovely husband, but I fear that I will pay for it, weight-wise.  It spoils the pleasure.  I will of course be mindful in anticipation with as frugal a breakfast and lunch as I can manage but that doesn't reduce the nagging fear.  Or indeed the weight.

Anyway, if there’s anyone still reading this, how are you doing?  How do you manage Christmas and other special occasions – both physically and psychologically?  

Friday, 13 November 2015

Of bags and bag ladies

I had some kinda exciting news last week: I finally dipped below my 2 stone loss (2lbs under, to be precise.  After dieting pretty damn intensively for EIGHT MONTHS).  Yes, well before you crack the champagne and party poppers, I then went to Devon for a week and put on FOUR AND A QUARTER POUNDS.  How is that possible?  I blame the two cream teas - but I swear I was careful otherwise AND we had the most windy, hilly, strenuous hike.  Which involved calf deep mud and recalcitrant horses.  And a LOT of stiles.

Sigh.  But there we go: that is just a happy memory now.  One I need to relive, ideally soon.  Of course, my harsh Libra app now tells me that I’ll achieve goal weight in 2080.  Too right I will, I’ll be a little pile of ash by that point.  Not really the result I’m looking for.  The Happy Scales app is kinder and simply says ‘longer than a year’.  By comparison, that’s kind, I mean.  Would that they did Happy Scales for mere android phones, I’d ditch that Libra: THEN see how you feel huh?  2080 indeed....

It probably won’t come as any surprise that I’m on a starve day today.  Needs must and all that.  Although Friday is a particularly sad day to be ferociously hungry, somehow.  The weekend looks relatively inoffensive since I’m driving P to meet his pal in a pub where I suspect we’ll spend most of Saturday, him on beer and whisky and me on fizzy water (whoo!).  We are however meeting friends for Indian food on Monday to introduce them to the restaurant we’re planning on taking Canadian friends when they’re over next summer (the first set of friends are Brits but living in Canada where access to decent Indian food is almost non-existent.  Hence taking 2nd set of actual Canadians there when they visit London for the first time next year.  I dare say that visit will involve clotted cream too, now I think about it...). 

Whilst it might now be putting cotton (both thread and denim) under intolerable strain, I bought new jeans in Devon.  Not particularly because we were in Devon - I’m not claiming Devon as a denim-Mecca - just because some of the time we spent there involved us being a short walk into Exeter city centre and I had a captive husband to drag out shopping (Reader: he bought me a beautiful dark green, oh-so-soft leather bag for our 3rd (leather) anniversary).  Anyway, when I say ‘new jeans’ I specifically mean a size-down new jeans.  They took a little wiggling to get into the first time but no disproportionate muffining happening and they feel comfortable.  I first wore them on a day we had breakfast, lunch AND dinner out which was possibly not wise.  But hey, I was potentially 4.25lbs lighter then (bitter, me?).  And no pudding!  At all!  In all the times we ate out!  It must be the cream tea.  ANYWAY, they fit and it’s only now that I realise the larger ones had slightly too much material flapping about and needing pulling up all the time.  Husband says they look good, bless him.

He also bought me a coat to be used mainly for walking (this one if you’re interested) – I owe him the money which I can pay in instalments.  This was very nice of him but came with the somewhat unwelcome news that my parka-ish coat which I have been wearing makes me “look like a bag lady”.  Reader: this was not the look I was going for.  He’s now campaigning for me to throw the parka away but I’m dithering.  I need a 2nd opinion.

Monday, 2 November 2015

Lies, damn lies and statistics

I find both a bit confusing insofar as I lose track of how I’ve done in a calendar week.  But that’s not my gripe, oh no.

Libra predicts – based on my goal weight – when I will reach that weight, going on current progress.  Now, I’m the first to admit – bemoan, bewail – that my losses are paltry, but originally Libra briskly stated that the date to reach my goal weight was “N/A”.  I rolled my eyes, decided it only worked in shorter time parameters, admitted that I too was unsure I’d reach that point, and dismissed the faint sting. 

After a few days however, it clearly felt that it had sufficient data.  2030 was its estimate.  I did that cartoon thing where my eyeballs spring out of my head.  2030?  I guess I probably will still care then – I even accept that I will be on some kind of diet for my whole life, but I’d rather hoped that this would be from a point of being slightly happier with my weight – from a few stone lighter, at any rate. 

A few days on and it came up with September 2017.  Still felt like a life sentence.  I’ve worked really hard this week (read: starve days and well-behaved diet type 1 days (week days) and type 2 days (Saturday and Sunday)) – after seeing a small initial spring back up after the type 1 day, post starve day (only ¾ lb the next day and then ½ lb the following day) and then quite a big jump when we went out for dinner (nearly 3lbs!  I didn’t even eat much!), I’ve been very mindful of getting my stats to a more reasonable place.  Having lost a bit over the weekend (2lbs - a bit of an achievement, I thought) Libra ‘rewards’ me with a new stat of June 2019.  I seem to be going in the wrong direction. 

Overall, last week I lost 1.5lbs.  Unlike my apps, I thought this was okay.  I need to find somewhere to record the weekly WIs – as well as the daily blips – now I’ve cancelled my SW online membership.  I think I only managed one starve day last WI period though – I’ll have done two for the next WI.  I’m going to keep on with the daily WIs to see if I can see a pattern.  It does this ‘trend’ thing which I don’t understand – it’s consistently heavier than I actually weigh – which I am hoping will suddenly make sense.  I’m currently rather heavier than my last WI (1 ¼ lb) and with two days to go until the next one.

Still, today is another (starve) day.  As Scarlett might have said had she not had an 18” waist.

Monday, 26 October 2015

Hungry Hippo

I had decided to just have a good, plain vanilla week this week as a move away from adrenaline fuelled biscuit consumption.  But things weren’t going swimmingly with the daily WIs (as you know) and as my goal currently shows on the Libra app as “N/A”, I thought I’d slip one starve day in.  Reader, that day is today.  Because Monday is so sucky anyway, why ruin another day?  It makes sense to me anyway.

I thought you might be interested to see what a starve day consists of.  You might not be, but I always find what other people eat on a diet fascinating.  Which may say more about my weirdness than anything else I suppose.  I suspect that I’m over the magic 500 calories but truth is, I don’t know and I do not think I could eat less.  As it is I feel very odd indeed.  Admittedly not helped today by being on day 3 of a migraine, only intermittently controlled with strong prescription medication.  So, feast your eyes on this little lot:
·         Cappuccino – normal sized rather than American bucket size
·         2 Alpen light bars to be eaten emphatically not together but at the point at which I feel I might keel over – and with as long a gap between as possible
·         An apple
·         A packet soup thing SW is keen on – a Mug Shot – has pasta bits in.  That’s dinner
·         A low cal jelly if possible

Sometimes I cave and have a second apple or piece of melon.  There’s the odd cup of green tea and usually a Pepsi Max.  I’m not counting those...

Will be interesting to see what Scales of Doom say about this tomorrow. I know any sudden drop (and by drop, I mean a gentle downward hill rather than a plummet.  Alas) will be artificial and it will even out when I return to normal dieting on Tuesday.

Thursday, 22 October 2015

Unhappy Scale

Sorry for radio silence.  Yes, I’ve kind of fallen off the wagon, no, it’s not as simple as that.

I suppose in many respects I have.  Or at least I am being dragged along by the wagon.  First week post hols I lost 1lb.  I was disappointed.  Then work went crazy.  Absolutely insane.  I wasn’t eating properly as I didn’t have time to so much as heat up a carton of soup, let alone run out for a salad.  I didn’t even have time to drink anything (alcoholic or otherwise... although....) during the day, other than a couple of coffees which were brought to us to keep us going.  And biscuits.  Many, many biscuits.  I don’t even much like biscuits but the combination of hunger, adrenaline and long, long days was lethal. 

And I drank more over the weekend than I would normally do, just to decompress a bit (whilst also having some work to do.  Well, not literally while I was drinking I hasten to add). 

I hoped (pause for hollow laughter) that skipping meals would even out biscuit consumption.  Reader: would you be amazed to know that this was groundless hope?  It took no little mental resolve to get on Scales of Doom – and I found I’d put on the lb I’d lost.

Right, I thought to myself, time to stop the vicious circle.  And having downloaded Happy Scale on my ipad (thanks team!) and Libra on my phone (because I have a particularly crappy android phone) I thought I would force myself to do something I really don’t want to.  Something that some of you have confessed addiction to.  I would weigh every day for a week.  A nice, purposefully empty week, devoid of any kind of social engagement.  My rationale was that this would get me back on track.  After all, my overall statistics are dismal and I’d really like to see them improve – even if I see very little difference in my appearance.  At the moment it declines to say when I would reach my goal, only saying something akin to ‘a bloody long time, love’.

Imagine my dismay, dear Reader, when a solitary day into my grimly determined routine, I find that I have put on an additional 1.5lbs.  Yes, welcome to my day.  My scale may be happy but I am not. 

Wednesday, 7 October 2015

From feast to famine (a quick, incoherent update)

So, I’ve gone from eating gleefully off-piste to a starve day.  What a crashing return to earth.  Whether I’ll make it through the day on starvation rations as well as a mere 3 hours of sleep remains to be seen though.  To be fair, the holiday eating, whilst not frugal, wasn’t too bad – Canadian portions are not like US ones for instance, and it wasn’t a foodie holiday.  But a lot of wine was consumed (yes, by me).  Some strenuous exercise in the mountains (literally, actually) in cold temperatures too.  Nevertheless, I had to steel myself to get on Scales of Doom today.  I thought I’d put on 7lbs, realistically and from previous experience.  I tried to brace myself for going up a scale bracket – although, of course, there is no way to accept this.  As it was I was thrilled that I put on 3lbs.  Yes, I know that’s a lump of chub but it could be SO much worse – and has been in the past.  Of course, it could still be sneaking its way on but I’m hoping that this is the voice of pessimism rather than wisdom.  That’s 1lb a week.  Really not so bad.

But back on the diet I go.  I’m determined to get the 3lbs off and blast trudge through to my 2st loss and then down to another stone bracket.  Hopefully by Christmas.  For the time being, I’m sticking with SW plus 2 days of starve days a week.

Although I’m pretty hacked off with Slimming World.  I really only continue to subscribe so I can see the weight loss chart but when I emailed to find out how to take a holiday from paying, I was told I could not as you can weigh in from anywhere in the world.  Quite apart from taking issue with this, WHO takes their bathroom scales on holiday with them??  And if you went to a class, you wouldn’t expect to pay.  If anyone knows of an app that does the same thing in terms of a graph, table and predictive line, please let me know and I’ll cancel my subscription.

I’m not quite all there (mentally, I mean.  Physically as discussed I’m slightly more there than last time) due to jet lag and not being well, so excuse the dullness of this post.  However, in summary, we LOVED Canada.  We saw bears (grizzlies), coyotes and eagles, trekked on mountains, white water rafted in the cold rain, went up in a sea-plane, cycled a disused railway on top of (another) mountain, went to a craft beer festival with Mounties and did the wineries of the Okanagan.  And that’s just some of the highlights.  It’s so beautiful, so spacious and so friendly: my commute this morning seemed more brutal than usual by comparison.  We barely scratched the surface of British Columbia and are already planning on going back next year.  Who knows, maybe we’ll end up there permanently.  I bought a pair of Canadian cowboy boots (with the blurb: “for the fashion forward cowgirl”) which ought to guarantee my emigration success.  Yeehaw.

Wednesday, 16 September 2015

The bear necessities

Reader, I stepped on SoD this morning with trepidation.  I feel so bloated I fear I may pop like Violet Beauregard.  My period is a week late.  My best guess - with a little help from Dr Google - is that it's the perimenopause.  It's early for me - about 8 years before my mum had it.  But as this seems to be a condition no-one talks about, it's difficult to say; I do however have sleeplessness, anxiety and forgetfulness which are all symptoms.  Mind you, they're also symptoms of life, so hey.

But I lost 3lbs!  My best loss for - well, ages.  I was pretty damn good tbh with 2 exemplary starve days (helped by such a crazily busy day at work on Monday that I wouldn't have had time to eat anyway).  Note to self: big work thing at the same time as preparing for a holiday is inordinately stressful.  Actually, the work was less stressful than the packing!  But given a missing, presumed absent period and definite water retention/bloating (my stomach feels huge and I couldn't get my ring off), I feared the worst.  But got the best.  How lovely.  It takes me to a half pound shy of 2stone.  Tantalising and frustrating but I'm being philosophical.  I also know that I'll put on half a stone + over the holiday, even being careful, so it will be a while before I'm back here.  But I'll deal with that post-holiday.

Yesterday P looked and found out that the temperatures for 12 days of our stay will be from mid teens to mid twenties.  Except for our 4 days in the mountain where it's currently -5.  Gulp.  Quite aside from the fact that I'm concerned the bears will have - sensibly - hibernated, I only have a light waterproof jacket and a fleece top and cotton trousers for a day's bear watching.  And we go out at 6.30am each day.  It was far too late to do much about this other than buy a couple of thermal tops and a pair of thermal tights.  Let's hope that the layers thing is not myth and folklore.

So, most of my nervous energy is now focussed on trying to remember to pack everything and fretting about whether I'll be warm enough.  And with that, I need to go and pack more.  Does anyone enjoy packing?  Surely it's not possible.  Even if I fit everything in, I worry I'll be told off for it weighing too much.  We're travelling Premium Economy so get an additional 3kg.  Although we still had to pay almost £180 extra to book our seats together.  Grr.

Right, time and suitcase wait for no woman.  See you in 3 weeks.