They really are.
I have to say that mostly, people have been very kind. Admittedly (and naturally) these people tend to be friends or colleagues. I have been moved to tears several times by the kindness of people who go out of their way to show and/or tell us that they love us.
Then there are people who are not kind – usually through clumsiness, rather than malice, I know. I was furious and extremely distressed when my band nurse told me that I had to get rid of stress from my life or my band would react. I said it wasn’t really possible to rid my life of stress at the moment or for the foreseeable future – and they do know about P. She then started going on about mindfulness exercises and playing music. Excuse me, but a piece of music that would make me feel better about the very real prospect of losing the person I love most in the world? That piece of music doesn’t exist. And what an unbelievably crass and stupid thing to say. I was crying but I’m still not sure if it was anger or misery – a bit of both, I guess.
But then there are others. I have a friend who I thought was a good friend. She’s not in touch a lot – but last time she messaged me to see how I was, I did actually say that I was struggling, that I was finding it very tough. I actually find it quite hard to admit just how unhappy I am and just how poorly I am coping. I haven’t heard from her since. It’s hurtful. I know that not everyone can find it easy to deal with this situation, it must be hard to know what to say. In fact, I know there IS nothing that anyone can say or that anyone can do, but it’s very lonely and even a ‘thinking of you’ message helps.