Friday, 26 October 2007

Day 2 CD - struggling

I'm finding it really hard to get back to abstinence. It's being so hungry - coupled with the stress of being back at work with a vengence. I just have to put up with it I know this, but it's hard. No easier for having done it before either, unusually.

I've had a few more CD packs - the chocolate flavour bar last night which was not pleasant. Just about edible (and better than the LL ones with that dodgy white topping, bleurgh) but not the big treat I was hoping for. It might taste better after being in the fridge for a while I guess - and it might make good biscuits so I'm not abandoning it yet. And there are about 6 more bars to try so there may yet be a corker or two amongst them! I had a chocolate tetra for breakfast (a ready mixed shake) and it was quite nice - almost (with a healthy dose of imagination) like Frijj. And very convenient. I had it cold but I will try it hot too when I get my next fortnight's worth of packs. Then for lunch today I had the spicy tomato soup which was also quite nice - and lump free, hurrah! Another bar tonight.... Oh, I'm such a hedonist!

I have quite got used to people mentioning my weight now (in a nice way). Strange that it didn't happen until I lost 3st but now happens quite frequently. I'm learning to be gracious rather than panicking and brushing it off. I'm not perfect but I don't either rip someone's head off or run away - and this is progress!

A woman in my office asked me this morning how I'd lost weight as she said she needs to lose 5st (I'd have said more but hey). I don't actually like her but I felt that I ought to tell her to give her the chance to benefit as I undoubtedly have. I asked her not to mention it to anyone though. She has one of the worst diets of anyone I know - I used to sit near her and she really just ate alot of really nasty, trashy food. So on the negative side it might be quite a shock to her system but on the plus side I bet she'd have dramatic results. I told her about LL very briefly and said she should look at the website - this is as far as I'm prepared to go. I'm happy to chat to people but I really think this has to be something that you're ready to do - you can't be talked into it or press-ganged in any way.

I have to be on call tonight - it means a late night and an early morning tomorrow, irrespective of whether I'm actually busy or not, which is a bit of a danger point for wanting to eat (tiredness) as Mrs L will agree. But maybe by next week I'll be less inclined to eat anything that passes my path - ie I won't be so hungry (temptation will still be there I know).

Have a good weekend people out there in blog-land.

Thursday, 25 October 2007

Day 1 CD

Well, I'm back. And I'm HUNGRY. Today is the 3rd day on packs, but 1st day on CD packs. But I'll back-track a bit....

We had a wonderful holiday. And I put on 1/2st. I was okay with this as b/f said he usually reckons to put on a stone on holiday and so I was worried it would be that for me too (as it is he also put on 1/2st). I was careful-ish - I certainly didn't stint myself but I didn't go mad either. I barely drunk but there were a few set meals we had where I felt decidedly over-full afterwards, uncomfortably so. I enjoyed eating so much though! That's I really enjoyed eating, not I enjoyed eating everything in sight! The only thing I really, really resented was the night before we flew when it was too much money and effort to get to a Pizza Express (taxi ride to unknown shopping centre somewhere in Luton) and so we ended up eating in the hotel (Holiday Inn Express) where the food was DIRE. Really, it's shocking that there are still places dishing up that muck - Tesco economy range would have been healthier and tastier. The only thing I could find that wasn't deep-fried in lard was a vegetable lasagne and it was both slimy and tasteless. And really visually unappealling (which I guess kind of gave a clue as to how it would taste). But otherwise I loved most of the food in Turkey - Istanbul was surprisingly lack-lustre for food but Kalkan was fantastic (one duff meal but the local cats were made happy as a result). Sadly, our local GBK was not open when we got back so my salivating anticipation will have to continue (sorry Mrs L!)!

I started with some left over LL packs on Monday and on Tuesday I was due to meet my CDC. She was running a session at lunchtime in Oxford Street. I didn't want to panic about not being able to get out at lunchtime on my first day back in the office so I took that day off as leave too. So how annoyed was I when I got there to discover that she wasn't there. We nearly ended up in a bible class instead (so not my thing and judging by the lady who was taking the class, not a good tool for a slim lifestyle!)! I had to ring the CDC who - despite me emailing her on my last day in the office to say I wouldn't be in email contact until after the session, and to text any changes to me - had in fact emailed me whilst I was away to say that that session had closed! Grrrrr. And R (who absconded from LL with me) had met me on her lunch-hour and fallen over on the way to meet me so she was none too pleased either. The CDC put us in touch with another CDC who we met last night in Starbucks. Not ideal. He (and it's quite strange having a bloke do this job) was definitely lack-lustre but I'm not too bothered about that - I only need the packs and WI and the rest (support, success strategies, learning from failure etc) R and I can do by ourselves. But this has already fallen down - how do you do a WI in a cafe? He doesn't have a premises and R and I live in opposite directions in London so it has to be central. We both hopped on scales in Boots before we met CDC - but in boots and coats which made us both 9lbs heavier than our first-thing-in-the-morning WI at home so I'm loath to use this every week. He has portable scales but not really something you want to do in a Starbucks. So, not quite sure yet how to get round that one... And the goal weights he set (BMI 23) were a stone different (heavier) to the LL BMI 23 - strange. But again, I'm not going to let this bother me as I'm intending to go back to LL for RtM and Management.

Had 2 packs so far today (only 3 on CD remember) - chocolate orange (hot) and chicken and mushroom soup. The shake was okay - smelt lovely but had an odd aftertaste (metallic/powdery almost slightly fishy) which I believe you get used to and I managed to get it down so that was fine. The soup was nicer than either LL chicken or mushroom - it actually smelt strongly of stuffing (Paxo cheapo stuffing but I quite like that!) but it had socking great lumps in it. Strange, as I made it in the same way as an LL soup but maybe I just need a bit of practice. I have a bar for tonight (I'm at my mum's) which I have high hopes for as lots of people say they're really nice. And a ready mixed tetra for tomorrow (chocolate) which is useful as when I'm at my mum's it's always difficult to get a pack mixed up right.

And as of this morning on my home scales I had lost 6lbs of the 7lbs I had put on on holiday - hurrah! But it's hard today - I'm really hungry and the smack table is full of chocolatey treats. I went and got 2 chocolate crisps - and then gave them away rather than eat them myself. I wish I had a willpower of steel and a lean, mean un-hungry stomach. Amongst other things!

Wednesday, 3 October 2007

Day 100 - still more munter than minx! Work in progress...

Day 100. I can hardly believe I've got here. The last few days have not been exemplary, with the smack table tempting me to the odd handful of popcorn or chocolatey treat. I really feel that the impetus from LL is long-gone - my LLC lost interest on day 91 and I've really struggled since that point. Which is feeble. On the plus side, it would be all too easy to just abandon it completely in anticipation, which I haven't done; I have persevered up to a point. This sounds like a litany of excuses, even to me. But I am giving myself some slight credit for not abandoning the packs completely and not being as hard on myself as I traditionally am.

I had put on 1.3lb on Monday - I hadn't expected it but was determined not to let it throw me into my usual fug of despondency. Overall I've pretty much stuck to it and I've lost 3st4lbs (maybe a fraction more when I do my last @home WI tomorrow morning). I'm (mostly) 2 dress sizes smaller and although - as I say - I don't feel slim (I'm not) or attractive, I know I look better than I did (well, dur!) and I will continue with weight loss when I get home again. My LLC was totally disinterested. I won't miss her at all! I LOVED your comment on this, Lesley! It would certainly be getting rid of I guess about 12st of superfluous weight, to paraphrase the joke!

Tomorrow we're off as far as the hotel at Luton airport (not glamorous but since our flight is at 6.30am!!!!!!! it's necessary to be as close as possible) and we're going to Pizza Express for dinner. Not sure what I'll do during the day, may well continue with packs actually as a damage limitation exercise! Pizza Express seems to be what passes for haute cuisine in Luton - I couldn't find any mention of any decent restaurant, it was that or Nandos (which b/f violently objected to). Pizza Express won't give any calorie content of their dishes! I emailed them too as there was nothing on their website! I have read in various newspaper articles on being lulled into thinking you're making healthy choices that you actually aren't, that a plainish pizza is actually better than one of their salads but given the whole carb thing, I'm not so sure that's going to be true for me. And I assume that this is counting the dough balls with the salad which I won't eat. So I think I am going to go for a salad after all.

Then we're off to Istanbul until Monday and then to a coastal town in Turkey for 10 days. I'm intending to eat but carefully, which is relatively easy in Turkey where alot of the meat and fish is BBQ'd with salads - they're not big on rich sauces etc (thank goodness we're not going to Italy, France or the US!). They do have lovely bread sometimes though - but on those occasion when I really can't resist I'll just have a little taster. Basically I don't want to wreck my holiday (and b/f's) by being uptight about food but don't want to totally wreck the weight loss I've had by going mad. It's a fine line I'm trying to walk!

And the other deviation to this is dim sum for lunch when we get back (it's a traditional consolation prize for end of holidays) and they're opening a GBK in our local shopping spot. I have been fantasizing about a decent burger since I started LL and then I read about GBK on Mrs L's website and I have pretty much been obsessed with it since then - I've never been there, only to Hamburger Union which is wonderful and GBK is supposed to be better! I guess it's that last supper thing again. Because on Sunday 21st it's back on packs ready to meet my CDC on Tuesday lunchtime (somewhat ironically) and pick up my first CD packs.

I know that hard-core LLers wouldn't approve of any of this but if I went on holiday and only had packs I would make myself and my b/f thoroughly miserable. In fact I think it would cause real damage to our relationship. I'm happy with my decision and am prepared to put on maybe even half a stone - and then knuckle down to losing it and more.

I hope that all the lovely people who kindly read this drivel have a wonderful 3 weeks - I look forward to catching up with peoples' stories when I get back to a computer on 24th.

Monday, 1 October 2007

Day 98

Off for our much pushed for and reluctantly given final WI tonight (and my profile pic that didn't come out). I'm pretty sure that I haven't lost any weight (because of eating my own body weight (considerable) in cake on Friday I assume) - at least, that's what my home scales show. So unless there's a sudden shift since this morning or before Thursday, I won't make my 3st7lbs revised goal. At least I didn't put on - or at least, not on my scales, eeek!

On the positive side, I didn't eat anything else on Friday - not a pack and certainly not any more illicit food. And today we had a team lunch out that I couldn't avoid and whilst it was at a lovely pizza place I had antipasti and salad - figuring that cold meat and rocket couldn't do too much harm. Of course, I really wanted the pizza with caramelised red onion and fried potato squares etc on! So, good for me.

I'm hoping to swop 4 packs for 2 each of the new bars but I'm not convinced my LLC will be very obliging. It would be useful though as I'm at my mum's tomorrow night and I never have time to make up a pack in the morning the following day before leaving for work. I'm still clinging to the 100 days ethos, even if LL don't seem to be!

I'll update tomorrow I hope.