Monday, 28 February 2011

The pudding club

Soooo, The Weekend of Food. How did that go? Well, on the side of the righteous I ate a mere 2 points on Saturday (breakfast) and 5 on Sunday (dinner) from my allowance of 29 each day in order to devote as many points as possible to Unstructured Eating. And I only allowed myself 1 glass of wine and a sip of sloe gin (for research purposes, honestly) in a 10 hour drinking window. I stuck to fizzy water – even turning down the delicious (but sadly sugary) elderflower cordial I was offered. And I chose the lowest cal etc option for lunch (venison sausage casserole) and spurned potatoes in favour of green veg. But. As ever, my sweet tooth rather got the better of me. On the side of the, er, very unrighteous, I had:

• 2 croissants with home-made jam (no butter)
• 2 plates of cheese (but v small amounts – 4 slivers, twice over)
• 1 portion of apricot crumble and custard (made with rice flour - bluerghhh)
• 1 tiny portion of chocolate cake - tiny because it was marred (ruined!) by whole prunes in it. I picked the prunes out but it was a faff.
• 2 portions raspberry pavlova (yum)
• 2 large wedges birthday cake (home made – very yum)
• 2 small slices ciabatta bread

I would point out that this was across 2 lunches, one dinner and one breakfast. And I am devoting my entire weekly flexi allowance to the cause – so as long as this little lot didn’t total more than 100 pps, I should be fine. Eeek.

Anyway, it’s done. I don’t feel de-railed by it – I don’t eve feel as if I’ve fallen off the wagon. I felt more as if I were teetering on the edge of the wagon post WI on Friday. I was flirting with “sod it” behaviour – the sort of behaviour that leads to the obscene ingestion of many sugary calories. As it was, I stuck to my weekly allowance of one square of dark chocolate (although it’s 2 if I have sufficient points spare). I was a little sad as I usually have a bit more chocolate on Fri/Sat/Sun but as this usually comes from my flexi points, it was not an option (chocolate or otherwise).

The rest of the week looks fairly innocuous so I should be able to follow the path of virtue without too much distraction. Next week I will mostly be spending my flexi points on PANCAKES (yum).

Thursday, 24 February 2011

A weight on my mind

I do not get it. So, today I apologetically sidled on to SoD in the hope that my exemplary week would be given its just rewards. You will recall that a post-weekend WI had revealed the worrying news that I was 3/4lb UP. I tried to put this down to hormones as my period was due - and indeed I am in the middle of it. But I was still 3/4lb up. I had a shower. I re-weighed. I was exactly the same as last week. Clearly I had 3/4lb of dirt on me that I washed off - who knew I was so dirty? But the upshot is that I followed all the rules, didn't use all of my flexi points, didn't do any of that fattening cycling (because of the weather mainly) and I STILL didn't lose any weight.

I still haven't lost my Christmas weight - I'm still up 4lbs - which means that I've lost a paltry 7lbs in the last 2 months. And that's not 2 months of half-heartedly dieting and cheating, that's 2 months of really putting my back into it. The first couple of weeks were okay and since then my losses have dwindled to barely registering to the naked eye. I feel cheated to be honest - if you follow the rules, you should be guaranteed the result. I should be losing a steady 1-2lbs every week. Closer to 2lbs ideally but I'd accept the odd 1lb week.

And this is the foody weekend (attempts to take breakfast politely refused)

Monday, 21 February 2011

Getting the hump

So I know that wiser heads than me (uh, that would be everyone then...) mostly say (in style of Confucius. Or Yoda): to weigh more than once a week bring only misery and anxiety. But! I pretty much have to weigh on a Monday because I’m so worried about using some of my flexi-points over the weekend (only 17, people). Usually – and this utterly mystifies me – I weigh lower and in fact at my lowest for the week. Between Monday and Friday, I appear to lose nothing. It’s perplexing but it’s a pattern and I’m used to it. Imagine my horror therefore when I stepped on SoD today to find... that I’d put ON ¾lb. Arrghh! I’m hoping that I buck my own particular trend this week. Okay, ¾lb not a terrifying amount – but in the wrong direction and I was hoping for a respectable loss. Sigh.

We had a quiet weekend. But it still flashed by. Time’s a tricky trickster all right. Bf cooked a superlative burger and then we had venison yesterday. I suspect we might have a few ‘lively debates’ about our wedding breakfast. I am firmly of the opinion that I am NOT paying for chicken in some sort of white sauce derivation. Disliked by none, but only because it’s so frigging bland that no-one actually likes it. We’re both foodies and I think dull food would surprise our guests. I was oohing over venison but bf thinks it might freak people out. Now, my brother doesn’t eat any animal he considers to be good looking (shallow?!) but I’m not pandering to that nonsense. Obviously. Bf is counting beef and goats cheese as risky options! And accused me of not thinking of our guests, but of my own tastes. Bah. We’ve reached an uneasy compromise on pheasant (on the basis that bf reckons all the fussy eaters will just reckon it’s chicken!). That’s without the Great Canape Debate. And now we leave it all until November anyway – when our caterers reckon it’s about the right time to start thinking about menus etc.

Thanks for all the breakfast advice. I've emailed her to suggest I bring 'something easy like a fruit salad' for breakfast. She's bound to be super organised and has form for producing croissants with homemade jam for breakfast or cereal (which I hate). I'll just have to have ONE croissant (and maybe stash some fruit in the car to eat on the way home - it's a good 2 hour drive). And the lunch? Well, I don't really drink during the day because it makes me sleepy and headachy. One crisis averted. She's doing risotto though - groan. WW doesn't like rice. And I do. I'm hoping everyone will be too full to bother with supper.

I didn’t sleep well last night. I think it’s because of the thought of coming in to work. My boss is, erm, to put it politely, mercurial. Or, to be more blunt, a f*cking psycho. Sometimes she’s pleasant, sometimes she ignores me and sometimes she picks on me with such vicious character assassination and astonishing fury, that I end up (quietly and privately) in tears. It’s enough to drive anyone to chocolate for a little treat. No, I haven’t but...

Still, the night before I dreamt it was our wedding. Nothing was organised properly but I was (uncharacteristically) relaxed about it. A camel was eating my wedding dress as my colleague told me off for being surprised, because “That’s what camels DO”. Quite possibly. I’d like a camel there (love them) but I take this warning seriously...

Friday, 18 February 2011

A British Banger

Well, it’s official. I’m 100% pure pork. I am officially Porky.12lbs. Hurrah for the next scale bracket down! I’m still 4lbs off my pre-Christmas weight so I guess that will be the next milestone to set my sights at. It really is scary how quickly I can put it on and how slowly I lose.

Then next goal will be getting to my LL finish weight – Porky.2lbs, then into the Chubby bracket, then, once I fall below c Chubby.8lbs, it will be brand new territory!

My future mother-in-law is having an 80th birthday party in mid May and I’d really like to be over a stone lighter – ought to be possible, oughtn’t it? It will be the first time we’ll have seen most of bf’s (frankly huge) family since the engagement and I think we’ll take a bit of stick over being hassled for invites (they rather go on about me being posh so I imagine I’ll be teased about getting married in a castle. Which, of course, I will be!). They’ll all assume they’re going to get some fabulous hospitality at our expense. Most of them will be wrong...

We don’t have any plans this weekend, which is welcome. I intend to sleep in and loaf about and read and maybe practice my music and calligraphy and make soup for the week. Phew, sounds exhausting – I probably will stop after reading.

Next weekend we are going to a birthday lunch party on Saturday and staying over until Sunday. This particular friend ALWAYS gives us croissants for breakfast – arggghh. She’s bf’s friend so I don’t feel I can have a quiet word in advance – plus, she’s feeding 6 of us for breakfast (and many more for the lunch the day before). It all sounds scarily foody though. Cross that bridge when I come to it, I guess.

Tuesday, 15 February 2011

Polar un-bear-able

Not quite the weekend away I had planned in my head. My friend’s house is up what passes for a hill in Suffolk (nope, not for you Lesley), right by the beach, large, detached and mostly window. It’s stunning. It’s also cold. Especially when it’s been empty for a couple of weeks. And especially with no central heating. Yep, you read that right. On Friday night I had to sleep in a bobble hat (amongst other garments). And even then, I only made it through the night without turning into the human equivalent of a frozen pizza because E’s spare bed has the sort of newfangled electric blankets that you can pre-heat and then leave on all night. We briefly got the boiler alight on Saturday but it went off again some time later that day. Sunday was cold. The weather was grey and threatening – we managed a 8 ¾ mile walk and a 5 ½ mile walk. The sun came out on Monday as we were leaving to go home!

Bf rigged up our little greenhouse heater from the tinhut (bought in a vain effort to keep the pipes from freezing. In blithe contravention of all dire warnings from the Health and Safety police, he put it in the bathroom as the thought of not being able to wash my hair for days reduced me almost to tears. Bf claims that those rules are only for stupid people who would think it perfectly acceptable to put something electrical in or on a bath.... Well, I lived to tell the tale.

This morning I was in my cycle gear, about to leave home when I saw the forecast for London (the Today programme’s weather only covered Scotland. Usefully). I took it all off and got in the shower – I am a fair weather cyclist. It’s raining hard now and that makes the roads slippery and drivers drive faster (odd since they’re in the warm and dry in any case).

I consulted SoD today in any case, fearing that a meal out would have sent the dial soaring in reproof, but needing to know the worst ahead of the weight attracting cycling. I am now Porky.12. Yes, that’s right – in direct contravention to all accepted scientific wisdom, SoD declares that no cycling + more food = more weight loss. Of course, this isn’t official WI which is on Friday and bizarrely I am usually lightest on a Monday (I always use some of my weekly point allocation at the weekend – chocolate and wine usually) which I find mind bogglingly incomprehensible. Seriously, if I just extrapolated from my results, I’d be chowing down and keeping away from all forms of exertion. That just can’t be right, can it?

PS Thanks for all the comments – really appreciate the words of wisdom. And, Gabby? That is SO me; I secretly feel too old and too fat to be a bride and as if I should apologise (to radiant 24 year olds? To purveyors of bridal merchandise who are used to radiant 24 year olds?) for my temerity in thinking I could be one. Not much I can do about the old bit, but especially given that I want either a second hand or sample dress for budget reasons, I do need to be at least a size 12. I am gibbering in fear just writing that! I still haven’t shed the festive blubber and it will soon be 2 months since Christmas. So quick on, so slow off.

Friday, 11 February 2011

No weigh to live

Do you know a song called “Living for the Weekend”? It’s not my style at all, being RAWK music – and 80s rock at that, which is absurdly poodle-perms. Well, of course we all do that, but I’m living for the weigh ins (hmm, would still scan!), each week hoping that I’ll suddenly get a loss that reflects both my effort and a run of poor losses by compensating me with a good chunk of flab banished. That week was not this week. This week technically in the eyes of WW I stayed the same (yes, despite the cycle commute, despite a walk, despite only using half my weekly allowance) at Fat.0lbs. Gentle Reader I do not try your patience with tales of quarter pounds (or indeed quarter pounders!) but this week I just have to mention that I am technically heavier than last week – albeit by quarter of a lb at 14.0 ¾ lb. Really that’s 14.1lb.

It means that my average weight loss is ¼ of a stone a month. Half what I thought was reasonable and realistic. And unless this changes, I am going to be a fat bride. Or at least fat when I’m wedding dress shopping which is a traumatic prospect anyway and assumes a terrifying nightmare proportion.

So I set my face resolutely to next Friday and wish the intervening days gone. It’s no way to live.

This weekend we are having a meal out as we’ve got a weekend away, staying in a friend’s house in Suffolk. This is both exciting and terrifying – given my lack of progress without factoring a social life in. We were planning on doing an 8 mile walk and a 14 mile walk but the forecast is for rain, rain, rain. Am still hoping to get some sort of walk in but it’s unlikely to be a 14 miler. It’s so frustrating.

I don’t want to live by the rule of SoD but I cannot see an alternative as I know I cannot be fat and happy. I’ve tried it for years after all! Of course, I know that thin does not equal happy either. Not that I’m aiming for thin in any case. But it does mean less trauma about clothes, special occasions, self consciousness etc

I am hoping to do a cycle commute next week and my first ever zumba class too. Now, my experience thus far is that if I do any exercise I actually put weight on (no, clothes not feeling any looser), but intellectually I cannot believe that this is cause and effect. So I will plug away. At some point I’ll have to re-think but my mind is too boggled to contemplate what to do next.

Monday, 7 February 2011

SOD bothering

Out of sheer cussed-mindedness I have been harassing the Scales of Doom (yes, giving in to it and accepting this is their name); on Friday I was Fat.0 (you may recall), on Sunday I was Porky.13 (hurrah) and today I was back to Fat.0. Umm... I know it’s only the Friday reading wot counts, but with a certain level of detachment, it’s interesting to see the lack of consistency. I suspect my detachment will vanish into a hyperventilating, sobbing mass of freakery if tomorrow tells me Fat.1 of course. I don’t deserve it but my faithless body knows no shame. Not in a sordid way, I hasten to add, purely in a lard-clinging way.

We may have found our wedding venue at the weekend – I loved its downright eccentricity and the real can-do enthusiasm of the staff. I also like the fact we could treat our guests to more and better booze and have a much more personal day. And then we saw a horrid venue too – quite useful in a way I guess. But bf was pretty tetchy all weekend, I behaved like a wuss right up until the time I felt I had to tackle it. Note to self: 10.30pm on a Sunday is not the time to let all your bottled up angst erupt. I got 2 ½ hours sleep. He got a little more. Because we were rowing, folks. All horrid, horrid, horrid. I can’t bear arguments, they leave me bruised (metaphorically) and wounded – I can’t say my piece, accept things can be said in the heat of an argument that need to be set in that context and then feel the air is cleared and move on. I wish I could. The wedding appears still to be on so it can’t be that bad.

We also went to get a glimpse of a venue that we’re booked in to see next month. It is a NT stately home. It was fairly reasonably priced (in the crazy world of weddings) but then again, we’re way off season. I’m so glad we were passing as I wouldn’t have been able to keep a poker face when the wedding co-ordinator showed us round ..... the cafe. Seriously. It’s in the overflow room of the cafe, nowhere near the house, but in the car park. Oh the romance; be still my beating heart. And this was after the venue that looked a bit and smelt a lot of an institution (possibly an incarcerating one) where the wedding planner lady gaily introduced me to the concept of ‘bridal bric-a-brac’ which was run by their ‘Head of Titillation but we call her Tits. She’s such a one!”. I would not let this woman loose on my wedding for fear that I’d knock Jordan into a deep funk of envy. They were heavy on pink polyester in their photos which should have been warning enough.

Friday, 4 February 2011

Taking a poundling

Well I am that fool. I did the same and I got the same – 1lb off. I am now Fat.0. Ohh, it’s just so painful at times. I really could have done with a boost after the last couple of weeks (or should that be a Boost? Not really, not keen on them!). And that was with meeting a friend last night for coffee, who decided she needed to eat, and then watching her eat a pizza whilst starving myself before dashing home for a WW friendly supper at 9.30pm. Surely there should have been some sort of reward on the scales for such suffering?!

Never has being Porky been so eagerly anticipated! And only then really as once I get below the Porky stone bracket to the Chubby stone bracket, I know that’s when I start feeling a bit better about myself. Of course, at a lb a week, that’s a looooong way away! (The best part of 6 months). Now I’m really depressed....

Reluctant as I am to even think about it, I think that if I’m not beyond Chubby and into Plump by the end of August (my birthday), I’m going to have to seriously think about doing LighterLife again – gaaaaahhhhh.

Of course, I quite often only lost a couple of pounds a week eating mere dust (and chemicals) on LL- even more heartbreaking when each moment of doing it was an exercise in agony and endurance. And it was fascinating to see on Biggest Loser that this week many of them lost a lb or two – or nothing. It just shows that even with them slogging away AND being really very overweight, they can still have a disappointing WI. Scales are evil. Which won’t stop me consulting them at least once during the weekend of course.

Wednesday, 2 February 2011

Egg-cellent excuse

Isn’t it the definition of a fool that she does the same thing but expects a different result? That would be me then. I cycled to and from work yesterday in the vain (probably) hope that I’d see a decent loss on the scales on Friday. And also to keep my hand in. Or, rather, my arse. I want to limit the pain in my bum – in a literal sense, I continue to have plenty of pain in the bum in a metaphorical sense. Do you think that phrase was dreamed up by a cyclist? I begin to think so.

I’ve built up a healthy stash of exercise points this week from a couple of long, cold walks and that cycle ride. And I should have 15 points from my bonus bank. It’s more than I would usually use but in theory at any rate I ought to be able to use the whole damn lot and still lose weight. The proof of that pudding will be in the eating. Or it would be if I could eat it and still face those scales.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should add that I have hopped on and off them twice since the official weigh in last Friday; Monday I was Fat.0, this morning I was Fat.1. I will be very sad if I weigh in on Friday and am not Porky.13 at least. Btw, I LOVE Claire’s idea that I am a paranoid 9 stoner – ha! I wish.... I’d happily take that level of paranoia if I got the weight as a bonus. And whilst we’re on Claires, I’m hoping that t’other Claire is right when she says it’s the exercise and water – as long as that means I’ll jettison all that water at some points and emerge svelte and smug into a slimmer stone bracket!

Actually I’m appalling at drinking enough. Today I’ve made a huge effort and had half a litre of Pepsi Max, half a litre of sugar free squash and a cup of green tea. I’ll probably have another cup of green tea and a glass of water before the end of the day. It’s not great, is it? But on Monday I just had one (skinny) cappuccino and a green tea all day until I got home (then another tea and a glass of water). I need to work on this. Especially since our office is unpleasantly hot and muggy and I’m getting bad headaches – and little or no chance to escape at lunchtime for some ‘fresh’ air.

The diet’s not helped by real life - as ever. I got home last night after a particularly long day and a cycle home to find that bf had cooked quails’ eggs to have before dinner with celery salt, as he thought I’d arrive home starving (I did)– he was really pleased with himself, bless him, especially since he struggles to peel them. I didn’t feel I could say that I had worked out all my points for the day, cut some points from my evening meal and went 2 over (or out of my bonus pot); sometimes the diet has to take second place.

See you the other side of that weigh in...