Sunday, 30 January 2011

She shoots! She....misses...

There, Lesley, bet you didn't know I was capable of a football analogy did you?

I was however not in knee socks and polyester shorts or a large diamond ear stud when I weighed myself, nor did I have a tonne of hair product on - the football analogy kind of stops with me missing my goal. Reader I am now Fat.1, not the Fat.0 I was aiming for, nor the Porky.13 I was hoping for as a result of my good behaviour and 24 miles of cycling. I lost a lb. Patently better than nothing of course. But to keep to my goals I'm going to have to lose 2lbs every week next month which I do not have much form for. And February has a few potential stumbling blocks I know of - and doubtless a few I don't - we're going to Suffolk to borrow a friend's house for a weekend mid Feb and although there will be walking, there will also be a meal out, then we're going to a friend's lunch party at the end of Feb and there's also Pancake Day (mmmm). Of course, in theory that 49 point buffer should protect me from all these eventualities as long as I'm careful, but I only used less than half last week and it didn't exactly help me with a good loss (and I earned quite a few - untouched - activity points).

There's a wedding show coming up that I'd quite like to go to but feel that I would be mocked and despised for being overweight - probably not overtly. I know that I wouldn't want to do business with anyone who was like that but it's still a scarring experience. Next year would be too late - but there's possibly one in the Autumn I could go to instead when I should (fingers crossed) be quite a bit lighter. It's just we could do with a few ideas now! Bf is getting in a bit of a tizz about money - I do agree up to a point and I certainly want this to be as lovely an experience as possible for both of us so I'm trying to really address and allay his fears.

Yesterday we went to see the venue that we both thought would be the one. Reader, it was freezing. Outside but inside too. The woman was rather sniffy about this and said that guests would clearly wrap up for the ceremony in the medieval hall - but what about me?! I'd like to wear a faux-fur wrap but it wouldn't be enough. And what of my bridesmaids? Especially my flower girl - poor thing. And it felt as if it were all about them and the money which put us off too. Nope, definitely not. We're going to see another venue next week which again, we both hope will work out - it's not as impressive a building from the outside but it's still a castle, it's cheaper and you supply your own booze (no corkage!) which means we could be more generous to our guests. We really want it to work out.

We also went for lunch at a dear little tearoom we've been to before. I used most of my points allocation on lunch and with my evening meal of mussels being a rather shocking 10pps, I have dipped into the bank of points more than I ever have before. I had a welsh rarebit muffin and then a scone with cream and jam - SO worth it, absolutely delicious! Consolation for a rather frugal and wine-less supper. I'd also used some on Friday night when we ended up - unplanned - in Pizza Express after an exhibition at the British Museum (Book of the Dead - very good). It's a lot of points for not a lot of taste in their Leggera range - and because it's one of the restaurants WW have bothered to point, I keep going there, reluctantly. We had walked a couple of miles in the freezing night to get there too.

Right, had better go and do some work now.

Thursday, 27 January 2011

Counting my blessings

So, it’s easy to get down at this time of the year I think. I’m trying to count my blessings (and not blub in the office). I’ve been thrown off-kilter by my capricious boss who’s decided not to like me and to make it plain that she finds me very much wanting. I don’t need to be liked (well, okay, maybe a bit) but yesterday she returned the same piece of work to me 4 times and then completely re-did it anyway; I felt worthless and inadequate. She didn’t do it pleasantly either and is giving me a very cold shoulder. One of the things that I despise about myself is that I’m a people-pleaser and I wish I could change that about me; I wish I could grow that thicker skin that bf not infrequently says I need. But this sort of thing turns me inside out with misery. Hence trying to count my blessings for today in the midst of the chilly atmosphere. I even investigated whether I could voluntarily demote myself – it would seem not. Anyway...

1. I would much rather work was wretched than home – I know where my priorities lie. Although I do need the filthy lucre of course.
2. My oyster card had run out of juice today – and the man driving the bus waited for me to jump off and buy a ticket (okay, for £2.20 and I have no idea where my credit’s gone but I appreciate his kindness. Even if the rest of the bus didn’t!)
3. And when I collided with the coffee machine after buying myself a skinny cappuccino this morning, they topped it up for me voluntarily, without so much as a sneer
4. I don’t look like my mum who, in using a new very expensive Clarins base “packed full of nutrients” has become so violently allergic to it that she looks like Mickey Rourke. After a bar fight.

I really wanted to treat myself with food yesterday, I was so miserable. But I didn’t. I couldn’t really think what I wanted which could easily have resulted in me eating everything I could think of to see whether it would make me feel better. Even momentarily. So the Scales need to be kind to me tomorrow – I deserve it and I could do with a pick-me-up. Are you listening, Scales?

Especially since I can’t escape work – I’m working overnight tonight (involves some work early evening and early tomorrow morning before the day starts (from 6am) – and it’s nothing remotely glamorous, Ish) as well as tomorrow and on Sunday too. Still, my boss isn’t around then so that makes for a less tense atmosphere. Another blessing!

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

A reversal of fortune.

I have the January blues. Yesterday I had a meeting with my boss where she implied that someone I manage is better than me and that I’m not doing a very good job. She did it so cleverly that I didn’t even twig until some hours later. And now I can’t shake the feelings of inadequacy. It may be true but it’s not helpful and I have gossamer thin self-esteem which is rather shredded. I am not a bouncer back (although in other respects I do resemble a space hopper)

And then we come on to dieting. Because it’s January and it’s all about dieting and work. And debt. Let’s not go there though. Soooo, does this sound reasonable to you?
Friday am – Fat.2lbs
Saturday am – Fat.0lbs (admittedly after 24 hour gastric bug)
Monday am – Fat.1lb
Tuesday (today) am – Fat.2lbs

Does it? Does it? Isn’t it – in fact – going in the wrong direction? Okay, I knew I’d put some of the post-gastric weight back on but to be nowhere this morning after a 6 mile cycle ride and an 18 mile cycle ride? No-one say anything about miraculous muscle built or I’ll have to rip your head off. Yep, that’s me today.

I have enforced separation from the scales until Friday now which is probably just as well but there will be tantrums, tears and all manner of emotional fall out then if I am not Fat.0 – or ideally Porky.13. Especially since I go to bed hungry pretty much every night and wake up hungry too. Not starving but uncomfortable. Silly how these things can get you down.

PS I am not cool. Fact. It’s official now though – caught for perpetuity on the ether. I thought my post title yesterday was soooo witty. And then halfway home (no sleet! No rain!) yesterday I remembered that it’s Children of the Revolution. Ah well, not keen on 70s music – it’s only that it’s on bf’s ipod that I’ve even heard of it.

Monday, 24 January 2011

Hero of the revolution

Yesterday, despite the murkiness of the day and the frustration of trying to get our computer to work (do NOT load the new Avast anti-virus anyone who actually wants to use their computer. Seems to stop viruses by stopping your computer working. Effective but missing a trick..), I decided to cycle the 3 miles to Waitrose and get the papers. And back of course. My pelvis must have softened up since October because sitting on anything hurt was a tad ouchy afterwards. And yet, I still cycled today – the first cycle commute of 2011. I am even more ouchy now and I have to get home yet. And it’s just started sleeting, lovely. I better have a bloody good loss on the Scales of Certainty (so called because they get very pissy about you hopping on and off. And never vary) this week – I want to be in the realms of Porky.13.

My bug meant a loss of 2lbs. Unhappily that seemed to be mostly dehydration as I’ve put 1lb of it back on. Of course, weekend eating always means a little deviation into the bonus pot. It’s actually part of my allocation and yet I always feel slightly anxious about dipping in to it. I rarely use more than 10 points – and yet I reserve the right to, if we were going out to dinner (no imminent plans other than a stop at a Lebanese cafe on Friday night after the Egyptian exhibition at the British Museum – 39 points should more than allow for that!).

Looking round our prospective venue was rather fun. It’s eye-wateringly expensive though so I think it’s in the realm of ‘long shot’. Number 2 (and my favourite on paper) is scheduled for this week. Number 3 (and bf’s favourite based on the fact that you supply your own booze and there’s no corkage) has yet to be scheduled because they don’t answer emails or phone calls. Fast forward to when we can start trying cake please. And how exactly does that fit in with dieting into a wedding dress? That has to be having your cake and eating it too.

Friday, 21 January 2011


So, I have doubtless endeared myself to my boss by calling in sick again. There's a D&V bug going around and I'm the third person on my desk to get it. Not pretty and not convenient - firstly because we're really busy (as in if you had time to put your head on your desk and weep, you would) and secondly because I got up, dressed, ready etc this morning and it was only on the point of leaving that I realised I really, really couldn't. I feel a bit better but am still wary.

And tomorrow we're going to see a wedding venue. I suspect it isn't 'the one' but you have to start somewhere. I flipping hope it's not the one as it seems outrageously expensive. I've been fretting about the whole 'fat bride' thing and them scorning me for it but now I'll just be pleased if I can get there without barfing/erm, needing the loo rather desparately.

It was also WI today - I've lost 2lbs which is good. I am now Fat.2 so may just reach the Porky bracket by the beginning of February. I'd like to be Porky and a half by the end of Feb anyway. I need to get some exercise in - now we're not going to the tinhut we're not walking (well, bf is getting some in as part of his commute), the weather is still too awful for cycling too. In fact I have been fretting about exercise: because of my choir commitments I can't cycle on Wednesdays or Thursdays anyway and Friday is not a good day for quick escapes to Suffolk. So that only leaves Monday and Tuesday - cycling twice a week is not admirable. I am investigating a zumba class with a friend on Thu night. And I think I'm going to have to try and cycle on a Friday when I can. All of which depends on the weather. Really, I think getting slim is nigh on impossible without full time staff and no job to take up time.

I have spent most of the afternoon coaxing our computer to work. I am in the dark with all this - I've tried to fix it but it seems to be intermittently sick like me. Avast doesn't seem to want to work on either of us.

And thanks for all the jeans/boots advice! Love it that you've all given it some thought. I will not be gluing wedges on my Uggs Ish, (shudder) but will tentatively try the outfit on and see what bf thinks (often brutal in his honesty but at least you know you're getting a 'frank' opinion!) and decide if I think I'll feel a fool or whether I can carry it off. Have to say that slim jeans would work much better with wellies than my current bootlegs. You know, for when we get back to the countryside. Oh for long legs though!

Tuesday, 18 January 2011

Jean genies

I have a fashion/style/good taste conundrum and I am looking for guidance. Let me start at the beginning – are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin.

Once upon a time – okay, this Christmas – my mother bought me some sheepskin boots (yes, Uggs I’m afraid – I’m anti overly exposed brands but she couldn’t get me Celtic Collection ones from Cornwall so generously paid through the nose for these). Now, I will happily wear them with a knee length skirt, opaque tights but I’d quite like to wear them with jeans. I wear bootleg jeans normally – being, as I sadly am, short of leg, wide of hip and stout of girth. So it was with some trepidation that I bought a pair of “slim legged” jeans. Note: not skinny – I could be prosecuted for fraud if I wore skinny jeans.

I just can’t work out if I can actually get away with them or not. I tried them on (they fit which is a start I guess) and then took them off. My short legs hold their shortness in the thigh area – and what they lack on the vertical, they more than make up for on the horizontal. My calves are fine, but my thighs are what could charitably be called chunky. Now, I would only ever wear ANY jeans with a long top – I guess upper thigh length or longer if I could. But does a short, fat, size 16, with an over-endowment of thigh, have any business wearing slim leg jeans tucked into Ugg boots? Discuss please.

In other news: my engagement ring now fits fine and I am – just – back in my 16 jeans. They’re pretty tight but no muffin top and they’re a better fit than the 18s – phew. Yesterday I had a blip where a colleague brought me in homemade millionaires’ shortbread from his fiancée to thank me for sending her my bridal mags every time I’ve read them. But I ask you: what B2B (not Business to Business as I thought, but the nauseatingly vile Bride to Be. Don’t worry, I will never refer to this again) sends another 5 squares of delicious yet evil calories? Reader, I ate 3 over the course of a horrendous and stressful day (the 3 smallest, mind!) and took the last 2 home where I watched bf eat them with jealous and rapt attention. I skipped some other points in the day to compensate and added them to my tracker – I have plenty of bonus points so it should be okay and yet I feel guilt. Maybe it’s a pavlovian response to the taste of sugar.

Friday, 14 January 2011

And the forecast is...dreary

I hauled myself in today to be greeted by a colleague “Wow, you look ropey” – gee, thanks. I’m on call tomorrow and I didn’t want to lumber anyone else with having to do it so I had to come in. But after a maximum of 3 hours sleep, I’m not on sparkling form.

Now that I’ve changed my WI day to Friday, I had to enter my weight in the WW online gizmo for the second time this week. Now, had I not weighed myself yesterday I would have been very pleased to have lost 2lbs since then. And indeed it’s churlish not to be pleased – I AM pleased but...but... I seem to have put ON 2lbs from yesterday when I had lost 4lbs! I know, I know, glass half empty (fewer points that way, see?!) but I stuck to points scrupulously yesterday (and indeed all week) so I am mystified as to why I apparently put on 2lbs in less than 24 hours.

I did have a lovely dinner last night – some roasted ratatouille from the freezer (I cooked it first obviously), a baked sweet potato (with butter!) and a tuna steak. To be honest, the ratatouille and sweet potato were the scrumptious things – I wasn’t fussed by the tuna. Maybe I inadvertently ingested calories when I kept swallowing the lump in my throat when watching The Time Traveller’s Wife (bf was out!).

I have a dull as ditchwater weekend ahead: on call until Sunday morning and then taking the Christmas decorations to stash in my mum’s loft. Still, it’s a good time to be on call as I don’t feel well enough to actually do anything – so I’m not missing out. It does mean no lie-in though – gahhhh. Have a fun one for me!

Wednesday, 12 January 2011

Gobble, gobble

Well, I've given in and I'm off sick. I feel very guilty about this but I feel truly awful - so what else can I do? Don't you hate it that when you're off sick, you're always too ill to actually enjoy it?

I'm resisting the urge to self-medicate with copious quantities of chocolate and instead made a chicken soup yesterday afternoon (Jewish penicillin apparently - apologies to anyone who is actually Jewish reading this who is probably thinking in some exasperation "It's just SOUP already" (sorry!). I'd actually quite like to be Jewish if I didn't have to give up bacon, prawns, lobster etc and embrace the whole god thing. It seems to revolve around lots of specific occasions to eat and so I figure I'd have a natural advantage). Stupid, STUPID WW pointer thing told me solemnly that a whole raw chicken was 52 pps! I mean, really, what, was this chicken the size of a toddler, stuffed with cream cakes and sugar and basted with lard and golden syrup? Ugh, actually. I weighed out the meat I put back into the soup and counted it as drumstick meat and it came out as 2pps per portion (4 for the soup once I'd added a little pearl barley and sweetcorn as well as pointfree veg): that's more like it. It's always satisfying to make - I have 4 big portions of soup and 200g of breast meat that I tucked into the freezer for a stir fry or something another day. And a bag of scraps for my mother's greedy Labradors.

Which brings me on to other fowl: my turkey bolognaise was not an experiment to be repeated. Which is a shame as I have 2 more portions in the freezer. I cannot get on with turkey mince - it's just too chunky and tasteless. And for a point-busting 12 points for the bolognaise with a little wholemeal pasta, SO not worth it. I've made meatballs with it in the past - dry, tasteless but almost impossible to choke down - and goulash soup, which did actually work, but I will not be quoting the late Bernard Matthews any time soon (not bootiful).

Bizarrely today I have points a-plenty. I think it's the absence of turkey bolognaise in my life. Either that or the chaos theory is manifesting itself primarily in the propoints system. It would explain a lot. Including the mystifying fact that you can either have one dry, fairly joyless Alpen light cereal bar or TWO yummy jaffa cakes for 2pps. I mean, really, which would you choose? And annoyingly I bought some weeny bags of Special K biscuity diet snack things which are 3 pps. I'll have to eat them but I'd still rather have the jaffa cakes (although I couldn't have 3 jaffa cakes which are annoyingly not 3 pps but 4. Arithmetic WW style...)

I fear I may be home for the rest of the week which will result in me getting the cold shoulder from my boss when I get back. Sigh.

Tuesday, 11 January 2011

Weight for it

Well a week of eating what I would do on WW but not actually pointing has left me 1lb up. I seem to be one of those big tankers – in many ways but specifically in it taking time to turn me around. This will be a week of pointing (and I’ve changed my WI day to Friday) so let’s see what difference that will make.

I was not feeling happy about myself last night as I sat – somewhat appropriately – mending the split in my skirt and watching Biggest Loser last night. We don’t have satellite so I’d never seen it before; I think it will be compulsive but shameful viewing. I thought it was too cruel to put the women in crop tops and cycle shorts for weigh ins – that poor woman with the red/blonde curly hair. Maybe they have thicker skin than me but I couldn’t bear the humiliation - £25k would not make up for that. Although I know that at least some of the attraction must be about being bullied into losing weight too. Four time in the gym a day! How dull! At least they could take them biking and hiking and do some different classes with them.

It led to some sobering thoughts as I sat and stitched along the exhausted seams of my skirt and last night when I couldn’t sleep (a habit of some 2 weeks now). I do not want to go there – admittedly I wasn’t ever as heavy as any of them (bar the daughter), but I think I could easily balloon like that if I ate exactly what I’d like to, all the time. I hate dieting but really, what’s the alternative? Well, there it was on my TV screen. Whiling away the time whilst I waited for the Sandman, I played that game – do you know it? Play it? – if I lose half a stone a month, then I’ll be Porky.0 (the new Tubby which sounded entirely too pleasant to be the reality) by April, Chubby.0 by June, Voluputous.0 by August, Normalish.0 by October and maybe then I could be Slim.7 by November when I need to at least try some wedding dresses on.

I had thought that putting on weight over the Great Christmas Feast would at least come with the consolation prize of a few more points to ‘spend’ – but no. I still struggle to understand why I am on the minimum points – the same as someone who is almost at their goal weight. And I struggle to keep to points. Yes, I know we have the 49 bonus points but I like to keep those for a couple of glasses of wine and chocolatey treat at the weekend. I pretty much have the same sort of thing – 6pps for breakfast which is porridge with blueberries and tsp coconut butter, lunch is soup (4-6 pps) and 0% Total greek yoghurt (1 pps) with a tsp honey (1pps). Dinner does change – fish and roasted ratatouille (4 – plus a baked sweet potato with butter maybe (4)), turkey bolognaise (tonight(12)), a 2 egg omelette with LF cheese and salad (9), tortilla pizza (6), chicken with pearl barley and leeks (7)... Not sure I’ll be doing turkey bolognaise again anytime soon, I must say! But any other ideas for quick and easy weekday suppers would be great. I also made a cracking Paprika Chicken (5) on Friday, recipe below, a la WW Foodie:
For two:
2 chicken breasts (whole or chopped – up to you!)
Onion, chopped
Clove garlic, crushed
Big handful of mushrooms, quartered
Red pepper, sliced into strips
Tin toms (or you could use passata)
Tbsp paprika (I use half and half smoked and usual)
Stock as required (not more than half a pint I’d say)
Half carton low fat crème fraiche (100g)

Fry onion in spray oil until soft, add chicken and brown, add garlic and other veg. If it sticks, add a bit of stock. Bung in tomatoes and paprika and dilute to required thickness with stock. Leave it all to bubble away for c45 mins. Take it off the hob and stir in the crème fraiche and serve – can sprinkle with parsley too. Good with steamed tenderstem broccoli and rice/tagliatelle.

Low fat sour cream is truly disgusting but low fat crème fraiche is very nice. You could try it with 0% greek yoghurt too – not sure if it would split or give the same creaminess but it would be more virtuous.

Perhaps that extra lb from last week is just snot and headfuzz? Gahhhh.

Monday, 10 January 2011

Flu blues

I have the lurgy. I am shivery, cotton wool of leg and mind and with a pulsating expanding brain (full of cotton wool I suppose) seemingly trying to escape my skull. I am also more sorry for myself than any grown woman should be.

It is not helped by bf saying disapprovingly yesterday "Are you eating more chocolate because you're ill? I don't remember you eating this much chocolate last year." Well he's right and he's wrong. Looking back on this site I see that I was South Beaching this time last year (beached as I was like a whale on Isla Blubba at a stone heavier than my current porky state) but at least on WW (baffling as those sodding pps are) I can have a square or two of chocolate a night. Or a Curly Wurly like last night. May I just say that that Curly Wurly has been in the fridge since NOVEMBER! I thank you...

I struggled heroically into work as I have an extremely pressing and even more irritating piece of work that I have to do. It didn't help with either the illness or the self-pity. And I have to continue on it tomorrow. But I did see a friend tonight which made all the difference - that couple of hours after work to chat, moan and laugh helped me to shake the day off and perked me right up (thanks R!).

I also have ordered a Keen's Simple Diary - it arrived today. It's a curious beast. It's a non-dated diary which poses questions for each day you care to fill it in. I am a very literal girl and I find it slightly disconbobulating - and I think this experience will be good for me. The first page for example -

Your day was:
A party
A U turn
A smarty

Explain why

(Answer: a U turn - a horrid day followed by a pleasant early evening. WHAT is a smarty??)

Feeling at home
1. opening an organized, odorless refridgerator filled with everything you like [it's American I guess]
2. A mess of your own making, reassuring diversions to keep you busy and engaged in every corner
3. The same person or animal that sometimes makes you want to leave your home

(Answer: 2)

Are you at peace with your hair?

(Answer: No)

With respect to your generousity:
a) no comment
b) some take advantage
c) fifty fifty

(Answer: b although not important people and as the owner of a very swanky new bicycle bell (amongst others) after tonight, it's not a good time to ask this for my clarity of mind)

Hopefully filling in this piece of catalogued eccentricity will keep my fingers out of the metaphorical (or literal) cookie jar when I go back to the bafflement of WW.

I started pointing for tomorrow and the spaghetti bolognaise I made with turkey mince was a frustrating and bewildering 12 points. And I have no idea of what to have for lunch, sigh. And eek. I only have about 5 points to 'spend'.

Friday, 7 January 2011

Fear of commitment

I'm teetering in no(wo)mansland. I'm not pointing (which is bad) but I'm not eating off the a la carte full hedonist menu. I think I'm eating what would be a WW acceptable diet so why am I faffing? I will start pointing - soon. Probably Tuesday. I'm feeling the fear and doing it anyway - in a half-hearted way. Actually, mostly feeling the fear... Espcially when I think about what I can wear each day - and that skirt with the split (no, not a design feature).

I think it's partly a weariness about having to log on and fiddle about with the WW site - to endlessly search for things I can eat, see things that I thought I could but can't and generally fume, confuse and waste time that I'd prefer to be doing other things in.

But I want to deflate asap - to leave the Christmas chub behind me and venture boldly into unmarked leaner lands. I'm a couple of stone heavier than my lightest ever weight so those uncharted territories are not going to be explored any time soon. But I do have to accept my fate and embrace the fiddliness, faff and fussiness of being On A Diet.

The good thing about January - a silver coloured lining (bet it's nickel and will make my skin turn green!) - is that there are no lovely social occasions to derail me. It's the long, grey stretch of the straight and narrow disappearing into the far horizon until I arrive at pancake day (yum) and Valentines (romance is not a pointed ready meal, people - FACT). Despite the fact that Easter chocolate is already on the shelves.

Until next week - stay safe and lard-free amigos.

PS Which reminds me - Mrs Lard: welcome back! Your site won't let me comment - assume you haven't told it not to admit me so just letting you know.

Tuesday, 4 January 2011

Weight Expectations

I have the festive fear (the moment of accounting for all the calories) colliding with the January blues – it makes for a bleak outlook.

I knew I’d put on weight from three pointers:
1. My engagement ring was feeling tight
2. My walking coat was feeling tight
3. My jeans – which had been on the loose side – were feeling tight. And then I wore them walking and got them muddy and – schoolgirl error – I HAD TO WASH THEM. Well, if I hadn’t had them on the previous day, I would not have believed that they could fit me at all. I pretty much had to cut myself in half to get them done up. When I got home the next day, I gave in and put my size 18 old jeans on – physical relief, mental anguish.

I reckoned I’d put on about a stone as suddenly pretty much everything was too tight. Except my Christmas coat, luckily (and curiously), although I daren’t wear anything too chunky underneath. Other than myself, obviously, and only then because I have no choice in this. This has been caused by the following factors (or fat-tors):

• Chocolate every day
• Wine every day (sometimes sharing 2 bottles with the bf – and a glass of sherry sometimes too. Sweet of course!)
• Bread products every day (crumpets, cheesy bread, baguette, white bread)
• Pudding every day (cake, ice cream....)
• Crisps – not every day but frequently (Tyrrell’s ham and cranberry, mmmm)
• A bottle of elderflower cordial (diluted, I hasten to add)
• Occasional sneak eating (yep, more chocolate) – something I thought I’d left behind me

On the flipside, we did 4 walks in Suffolk in between Christmas and New Year – a 5.5 miler, a 3 miler (not really planning a walk that day), a 4.5 miler. And then we did a 13 miler! Briskly and without stopping to ensure we got back before dark. When I finally collapsed on to the sofa, I seized up and had to stagger like an old lady before my shocked muscles loosened up.

And – my final feeble badge of honour - when I had hot chocolate, I used skimmed milk. Although that probably didn’t make up for the marshmallows and squirty (low fat people!) cream a great deal....

Yesterday I had my final day of bad eating – crumpets and jam for breakfast, a brie and cranberry sandwich on white and crisps for lunch, a chocolate bar snack and tacos for dinner (actually dinner was fine). And today I screwed up my - frankly rubbish - courage and got on the scales. 11lbs on. No wonder the fat skirt I have on today has split along a seam on the stomach. This makes me Fat.5 (and a half). I was in Tubby, setting my sights on Chubby. Chubby is now some way off, let’s say.

I spent yesterday making roasted ratatouille to put in the freezer and what I suspect will be a singularly joyless soup for lunch (a very watery looking celeriac and celery) which I’ll have to buy something to go with. Back to baffling what I can eat on the new WW plan then.

Next Christmas I want to be in size 12 jeans really. I find that unimaginable to be honest, but I definitely need to be starting to look at wedding dresses in the various sample sales this time next year and I think I’m going to have to be a 12 for that. I certainly don’t still want to be ricocheting between getting down to a 14/16 just before Christmas each year and then eating my way up to a 16/18 in January every flipping year. I know I’ll always put weight on over Christmas, but I’d like to do it from a lower starting point (and possibly in a less maniacal way). I also have a lovely jumper that I just about could start to wear at that 14/16 point but then inevitably get too fat to wear it whilst it’s actually a seasonal item and by the time I’ve shed sufficient blubber the weather is too warm (yes, it takes that long)!

On the non-food treat front, I re-read all the Harry Potter books in order from start to finish – yay! Actually I read the last one first, then started again from the beginning, ending with the 6th one. Bf laughed at me when we saw some quiz show (QI?) with Daniel Radcliffe on and I was indignant that he’d got the rules of Quidditch wrong. I won’t elaborate for fear of ridicule.

I hate January.