So, it’s easy to get down at this time of the year I think. I’m trying to count my blessings (and not blub in the office). I’ve been thrown off-kilter by my capricious boss who’s decided not to like me and to make it plain that she finds me very much wanting. I don’t need to be liked (well, okay, maybe a bit) but yesterday she returned the same piece of work to me 4 times and then completely re-did it anyway; I felt worthless and inadequate. She didn’t do it pleasantly either and is giving me a very cold shoulder. One of the things that I despise about myself is that I’m a people-pleaser and I wish I could change that about me; I wish I could grow that thicker skin that bf not infrequently says I need. But this sort of thing turns me inside out with misery. Hence trying to count my blessings for today in the midst of the chilly atmosphere. I even investigated whether I could voluntarily demote myself – it would seem not. Anyway...
1. I would much rather work was wretched than home – I know where my priorities lie. Although I do need the filthy lucre of course.
2. My oyster card had run out of juice today – and the man driving the bus waited for me to jump off and buy a ticket (okay, for £2.20 and I have no idea where my credit’s gone but I appreciate his kindness. Even if the rest of the bus didn’t!)
3. And when I collided with the coffee machine after buying myself a skinny cappuccino this morning, they topped it up for me voluntarily, without so much as a sneer
4. I don’t look like my mum who, in using a new very expensive Clarins base “packed full of nutrients” has become so violently allergic to it that she looks like Mickey Rourke. After a bar fight.
I really wanted to treat myself with food yesterday, I was so miserable. But I didn’t. I couldn’t really think what I wanted which could easily have resulted in me eating everything I could think of to see whether it would make me feel better. Even momentarily. So the Scales need to be kind to me tomorrow – I deserve it and I could do with a pick-me-up. Are you listening, Scales?
Especially since I can’t escape work – I’m working overnight tonight (involves some work early evening and early tomorrow morning before the day starts (from 6am) – and it’s nothing remotely glamorous, Ish) as well as tomorrow and on Sunday too. Still, my boss isn’t around then so that makes for a less tense atmosphere. Another blessing!