Thursday, 26 August 2010

When life hands you lemons (or at least, the checkout girl does)...

Make lemon cake! I did. Twice. We have this tradition at work that when it’s your birthday, you take in cake (hmm, what a birthday treat). I decided to make my triple lemon cake (although there was some pouting and agitating for brownies). I had cycled that day so I shot home and started making the cake bit immediately (being a triple cake, there are – surprise – three stages). It wasn’t until I got it out of the oven an hour and a half later (only an hour in the actual oven, folks) that I realised something was wrong. It hadn’t risen. This would be because I had used plain flour by mistake, sigh. I had to start again but had run out of lemons to zest for the sponge. So it was more like doublish lemon cake – the sponge wasn’t terribly lemony but then you soak it in a lemon syrup whilst it’s still warm. And then I was lemon icing it at 6am yesterday. Bf has nobly said he’ll eat the flat version btw. And the version I took to work was polished off, despite there not being many people in.

So, I had 2 pieces at work yesterday and went to a posh, cheap lunch menu Chinese with 2 friends yesterday (veg dim sum and a small portion (of yes, non-diet) sweet and sour chicken with rice). I also had half a dozen Celebrations – and then I felt awful. So awful I can’t tell you. So full and rather sick and so, so tired and apathetic that I could barely sit upright at my desk. I don’t think that my body responds terribly well to sugar overload – and I assume that’s what it was. I went home and still couldn’t eat, I felt so sick. I finally had some melon and parma ham at 9pm to try and balance my blood sugar levels for today.

But. I am SUCH a freak. All the time I was feeling so sick and so awful, my mind was busily seeking things I could eat - to make myself feel better. Now I knew that nothing was going to make me feel better and that any food was in fact likely to make me feel worse if anything. But I still had an almost overwhelming urge to eat my way out of it. I really can’t think of many things that are more stupid and more self-sabotaging than that. As it is, I’ve been working really hard to keep a lid on food this week – that a few treats don’t mean I have to abandon the diet entirely. Again, my mind is trying to reject usual choices for meals, wondering what naughties I could have instead, for the sake of it, just because I’ve had a couple of off-diet choices during the day. I am crazy, seriously I'm worried about my twistedness. And I'm absurdly all-or-nothing. Well, I’m not giving in to it - it's been usual meals pretty much, thank you. And I really need to work out what I can do about the eating-my-way-out-of-sickness lunacy too. Okay, I didn’t give in to it but it’s still freaking me out that my mind can (and does) work like that.

I did have a salutary lesson over lunch with my friends yesterday. I’ve quietly been feeling a bit sorry for myself about turning 40. Stupid, I know. Well, now I am ashamed of it. I used to work with these 2 girls and we have since all gone different ways. They told me about someone who joined my old team – who they were friends with - who was diagnosed with cancer at Easter. She died at the beginning of this month. She was 27 and they're going to her funeral next week. At least I get to see my 40th birthday (and hopefully a great many more); life can be fragile, it’s precious and we should enjoy every moment - not everyone is that lucky.

Happy bank holiday weekend everyone - enjoy every minute. See you on the other side of the big 4-0.

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Oh belt up, Peridot

Well, SoD certainly stuck it to me today: I have put on a lb. This is not the encouragement I need to exercise restraint over birthday week. So happy birthday to me from SoD: nice. No more pressies like that please.

Looking back on the week: Hiccup no1 was the Reversey Pig incident (although I managed this within points), then, after a frankly stellar Saturday (and despite my greed gremlin whispering all kinds of enticements in my ear about bf being away and all the food I could eat) and a pretty good Sunday, when we got to our local Indian I hit hiccup no 2. We’d gone because this month they do a barbecue of fish from Billingsgate – it’s fantastic, so fresh and yummy. And point-friendly. But they weren’t doing it on Sunday. So I did my usual of not ordering what I’d like, but what seemed the lowest cal/fat option. So, not onion bhaji and butter chicken with naan for me, no, it was lentil pancake stuffed with veg (lovely actually) and seabass cooked in the tandoor. Unfortunately the fish did come with some sauce and a couple of potatoes and I fear what that might have added to the pointiness (esp the gloopy sauce). I had a nibble of bf’s naan (I SO love naan) and literally 1 forkful of rice and felt rather sorry for myself. Never mind, I told myself, think of the encounter with SoD, think of getting down to the next half stone waymark (weighmark?!), think of the treats that are to come which you don’t need to compound at this stage. Pah, we know how that turned out. And hiccup no 3 happened last night; Beth and I went for a pre-birthday cocktail. Beth looked very expensive (which was a prediction as it turned out!) and although I’d dressed up for me, I, er, didn’t. Which was also a prediction as it turned out... So, Beth bought the first round and then, my head turned by the alcohol and the general swankiness of our surroundings, I joyfully suggested trying the other bar out for a second. The bill – just for 2 drinks – was £30! I swallowed, womanfully, but some of my joie de vivre fled, shrieking into the night. At least it sobered me up a bit! I also ate so many of the free nibbles that came with the drinks that I wasn’t actually hungry when we left. Beth, curse her iron resolve, didn’t so much as nibble a single parmesan rosemary biscuit or bloody mary flavoured popcorn. So then we went for dinner – remember, by now I’d eaten the equivalent of dinner in nibbles and I really didn’t need anything. So of course I had 7 plates from the Yo Sushi conveyor belt; at least 4 of them were fried things to boot. I actually felt really ill afterwards from the sheer volume of scoffing and only felt better this morning when I had digested it all – I still felt awful when I went to sleep last night. So that, my friends, is why I put on a 1lb.

I’m actually avoiding going on the WW website as I don’t want to confess I put on weight – how ridiculous is that?


This morning I cycled. I regretted it quite quickly – it’s always such a struggle (both physically and mentally) when I’ve not cycled for a while but I know it was the right thing to do. The thing is, I know I’ll only manage one cycle ride next week too so it’s not going to get any easier any time soon. It would have been sooo easy to just get the tube – it’s funny how when I don’t cycle, it seems a big deal to, whereas when I’m cycling regularly it doesn’t seem such a big deal at all. And today there was a stiff cross wind to deal with too. It better burn some of those calories.

And I tried on a dress last night that I’d like to wear to Browns on Thursday for tea– I actually bought it to wear to V’s wedding last year and it was just too tight (despite being a 16 – these labels, they are there to torment and depress us). Well although it could be fractionally looser to feel more reassuring, it now fits really well and it’s a lovely dress. Hope it still fits after unending scones and cake and I don’t burst the one button that holds it together at the waist! I did try it on post last night’s blow out so I’m hoping that that means the button will contain the cake orgy that will be Thursday.

And.... (and this is an odd one).... I bought a belt from M&S to go with the dress I wore last night. I’ve not actually worn dresses for the longest time so it’s all a bit odd, incidentally. I needed a narrow, navy belt to go with 2 dresses that Beth had given me and eventually found one in M&S. I saw with some fear that they didn’t do it in XL so I furtively tried on the L: too big. How odd. So then I tried the M on – it was fine but I had to do it up on the penultimate hole and I’m still hoping to lose more weight. So, after a quick check that no-one was watching with with scorn and derision, I tried on the S. It fitted. Okay, I’m only on the 2nd hole but it fits nonetheless. I bought it with some bemusement that hasn’t faded in the week since that purchase. I can only assume it’s meant to be a belt for slinging round the hips: I have a small waist true but for a size 16, not small per se. I’m hoping it’s not supposed to be one of those belts which goes around the waist twice...

Friday, 20 August 2010

A Pig of a day

Yesterday was a black day. It was, in fact, Black Thursday. It was the first day I’ve gone over my points without some already in the bank. Yes, yesterday I was in deficit points. Today, assuming I’m able to keep my fat gob shut, I should make those points back but it’s really not the point (if you’ll forgive the pun).

It was a whole packet of M&S Reversey Percy Pigs what done me in, guv'nor. 8 points squandered on gelatine and flavourings. They were delicious apart from the taste of guilt which accompanied them. Guilt spiked with rebellion. Sigh.

The cheesy bread cravings have abated somewhat but I still want to eat everything in sight. Today I'm mostly fixated on a Starbucks Rocky Road now – this is something I’ve denied myself for a year but have promised myself a piece of in the great birthday calorie fest.

Speaking of which, I need to go back to Legally Brunette – first of all welcome and congratulations on your engagement. It’s very nice that I’ve inspired anyone to diet, given my dismal performance at it! You’ve got to be better at this than me! Also, on the coming off the diet thing – yes, I know it sounds bad and I know it would be more sensible not to but I also know that to try to not have a nice meal or birthday cake or champagne over my birthday (especially since it’s my big 4-0) would be wretched. And impossible! I’m not going to go mad and I am going to be mindful of where I’ve come from and what I’m attempting but I am going to have a sensibly hedonistic (if that’s not an oxymoron) weekend. The same for the holiday really. Middle Eastern food is pretty healthy and I’m certainly not going out there with the intent of eating like a mad woman, but I have to accept that I can’t control what I eat all the time or point it. What I can do is choose the healthier options (NB this is for holiday, not birthday!) and try to be moderate and sensible. Yes, those words do exist in my vocabulary – now’s the time to see if I can prove I know what they mean!

(And welcome back Lainey – long time, no hear! I was locked out of your blog (!) so I don’t know your news; hope all is well north of t'border)

Thursday, 19 August 2010

Uphill struggle

I’m really, really struggling. I don’t why – or where this has come from. Curiously, it’s not chocolate I’m craving (although I could always eat chocolate), but bready, cheesy things. Cheese scones in particularly or cheesy bread. Slathered in butter. Preferably slightly warm Or crisps maybe. Er, not 'or', more 'and'.

I’m managing to just about keep to points – I haven’t had anything cheesy or bready but I’m eating too many sweets. Yes, I’m aware that this makes no sense at all. I think I just want to eat everything and anything (but crave cheesy bread most). If I ate that, I think the floodgates would open and I’d eat everything I fancied.

Apart from a cocktail sized blip coming up, there is no reason why I shouldn’t complete this week in good order (and one little cocktail – unpointable as it is – shouldn’t really cause too much trouble). Bf is away this weekend with his parents – I can’t go because I have to work on Sunday. This means I can have a really frugal Saturday – well, weekend really. We may go out on Sunday night when he’s back– we have a restaurant near us which BBQs fish in August every year and we haven’t been yet this year– or I’ll cook, but either way, this weekend has the potential for extreme virtue: no restaurants (ignore the above as there’s no pudding peril there or lardy luring choices), no booze and no spontaneous choices that have to be made (always a downfall for me). No trying to fit in and eat with bf rather than being a permanently-on-a-diet misery. It ought to spell a good result on the SoD on Tuesday....


I know that from next Wednesday I will be starting to eat off-piste and off-points – and that that will continue for the best part of a week. And then I have 4 days before I’m off on holiday. (Getting back on points for 4 days will be a challenge but one that seems too far ahead to worry about at the moment)

Now, I’m planning some birthday treats but I’m not planning on using it as an excuse to eat everything I’ve fancied, could feasibly fancy or may fancy at some point in the future. No, I won’t be pointing and yes, I will be choosing to eat what I’d like rather than the lowest calorie option on the menu, but it’s not an excuse to go crazy. And food in Syria looks pretty healthy and it’s going to be an active holiday (except the bit when we go to Suffolk for 6 days to recover after Syria – although I bet we’ll do plenty of walking then too). So there’s no reason to feel this doom, is there? You know, the doom where the 10lbs I’ve painfully and painstakingly lost over the last 6 weeks goes straight back on - with a few little lardy friends to join it. Is there? Just because that’s what’s always happened in the past? Just because the weight goes on so frighteningly, terrifyingly easily? It’s enough to make me want to panic eat, frankly.

It’s enough for that self-destructive gremlin in my head to encourage me to start eating madly now – I may as well, I’ve only got a few days before I come off the diet, after all, it whispers seductively. I’m keeping a lid on it – for now – with a great deal of mental effort. It’s pretty much constant at the moment, the feeling of wanting to eat is there all the time. And I’m not banking many points. I’m pretty much hitting my allocation every day. And even that’s a struggle that I don't feel equal to.

Tuesday, 17 August 2010

Awards (2 posts in 1 day - it's like a BOGOF!)

Thank you to Linzerello and Claire at Lose to Gain for my awards; I will try to fulfil the rules but won't be nominating 15 blogs!

So, Linz's first. Apparently I have to share seven things about yourself:
1) I am a bit of a grammar nazi and have to be dragged away from correcting apostrophes in signs. In fact, just thinking about it makes me cross and itch for a black marker pen.
2) I once wrote a whole book (chick lit froth) which I had some great comments about, including an agent who wanted me to to some work on it, password protected it on a disc and forgot the password. I don't think the Orange Prize is any the worse off for this.
3) I wanted to be a dancer - until I snapped a ligament in my ankle. Actually, I still wanted to be a dancer then, but it was explained to me that I'd be cripped by 30. At the time I thought you were practically dead by 30 anyway. Gulp.
4) I can touch my nose with my tongue. And the base of my chin. Although not at the same time.
5) I read all the time. Bf thinks it's weird that I read while I clean my teeth - but cleaning my teeth is boring, I need distraction.
6) I hate mint flavoured things (another reason to read whilst cleaning my teeth). And the colour pink. Especially baby pink.
7) I almost had a career as a child model except at my first TV audition (for toothpaste) I refused to smile. At all. Or even open my mouth. Clearly I peaked early in the looks department but the stubborness? It's still there.

And Claire @ Lose to Gain.... I have to blog about one thing I'm happy about right now and one thing that I'm hoping for in the future.
Now - I'm really looking forward to my holiday (odd clothes aside) and clambering all over another load of ruins, yay! It also makes me happy that bf and I like the same things - imagine if one of us just wanted to lie on a beach by day and drink alcopops by night in bar that sold British food (admittedly we're a bit long in the tooth (tooths?) for alcopops) or wanted to play golf all day (sorry Lesley) or something equally appalling (to me)?
Future - well, the old get-slim thing is still there. Unsurprisingly for a fat blog. Now with the side order of white dress, centre of attention and photos-for-the-rest-of-your-life. I am not photogenic. Okay, that developed into a fear for the future. So I guess I'm hoping to look - and feel - beautiful on my wedding day and that that would require me being considerably slimmer. It's what I still wish for on every thistle fairy, hay cart and single sneeze.

Most of my usual blogging pals (whether they know they are or not!) have already been nominated for one or t'other so I'm especially looking to see whether Lesley and Seren will be taking up the challenge!

Fudge - my weapon of choice

SoD have settled back into their usual grumpiness; I recorded a single solitary lb loss this week – but to be honest, not all the readings agreed with this (one said 2lbs, but more said I’d not lost anything). There could be a variety of reasons for this: 1) I’m coming to the end of my period and I think I didn’t lose anything at this point a month ago 2) I had to run over to my mum’s last night to have my hair done and then go back home (I usually stay over but my niece is there) so bought something from Itsu to eat on the train. I had looked at their website and carefully selected something. Which, of course, they didn’t have. I bought the “Slim Salmon” on the basis of the word “slim” and because it actually seemed to have the least salmon in it (having been stung on the salmon last week). It was 7.5 points! It was 3 bits of salmon sushi (negri?), 3 californian rolls, a couple dozen edamame beans and some salad. An unjustified number of points, if you ask me. I was still under my points for the day (just) but I try to have 4 fewer on each weekday.

And then there’s 3) the weekend effect. I was actually mostly pretty careful. Look at these patterns of virtue:
· I didn’t go out to breakfast with the boys as I don’t actually like a full English breakfast (or any subsection of) and didn’t want to waste points. I had my usual skinny granola with FF yoghurt and strawberries both mornings
· They had Ben and Jerry’s ice cream on the Friday night IN MY FAVOURITE FLAVOUR (macadamia madness if you’re asking) and I had a skinny cow (ice cream, not, you know, an actual svelte cow)
· I was very frugal and disciplined on the booze – 1 glass on Friday, 1 glass on Saturday and 1 glass of fizz
· I ordered points-clever in the restaurant on Saturday night – a crab cocktail, scallops on mash with salad and croutons (and I left the croutons and the mash)
· I did have a pudding but decided it wasn’t worth the points so stopped eating it after 2/3 of the way through (this is pretty momentous for me as I would normally eat it all anyway and then bitch about it)
· We did a 14.5 mile walk – part of which was an enforced march (don’t ask) and which was incredibly exhausting. It’s the furthest I’ve ever walked.
· I didn’t have lunch on Sunday and a small WW friendly supper

And now for the vice:
· We didn’t get lunch until 4.30pm on Saturday because the pub we were going to stop in was closed and we had to go on to the nearest place. There was not a great choice of WW friendly food. At least, I don’t recall any but it’s irrelevant as I wasn’t thinking in those terms by then anyway. I had a big slab of sourdough with melted cheese on and some chutney. Bread! Cheese! Argh!
· I still had 2/3 of that pudding
· I also ate a bread roll with butter in the restaurant. More bread! (It was very nice – home made)
· I had 2 mini boxes of mini Smarties (3 points) on Sunday. Sneakily. From under a cushion
· But the piece de resistance – we went to the restaurant where they make fudge. Delicious, creamy, buttery, chocolatey fudge. You buy it in ‘pieces’ (slabs?) the size of an A5 bit of paper (half an A4). We took some home and I split it into 3 and wrapped it – 1 for me, 1 for bf and 1 for bf’s friend. I ate all mine on Sunday (half of bf’s is still in the fridge, tormenting me). Then I was annoyed at bf and sneaked some of his – call it revenge eating. He was being really grumpy and grouchy - with me. He deserved to lose some - to me. Passive aggressive, me?

In summary, I blame the fudge. (But I still want to eat bf’s remaining fudge).

Thursday, 12 August 2010

A fishy tale

I had forgotten that WW has it in for salmon. I don’t know clearly why, but I always associate chicken breasts and salmon fillets with dieting. In fact, Naughty R was always pushing salmon fillets to me. It turns out that she is not just Naughty R but downright Evil R, pusher of lardy fattening products, designed to doom me to eternal fat-dom.

I had bought a piece of salmon to have for dinner last night. Not because I particularly love salmon but because I wanted a fish and veg meal for diet purposes. Well, didn’t that work out well? No! I won’t make you guess how many points was in my salmon fillet in case you’ve read my small rant on Linzerello’s blog – that would be no fun if you already knew. I checked on the WW website and they said a medium fillet was 4.5 – but no clues for a large one. But the weight of my piece of salmon was printed on the wrapper and I felt obliged to type the weight in to accurately point. I bought the smallest piece on the fish counter – it was still quite large but not enormous. It was 8.5 points! Yes, you read that right: 8.5 points! This requires some clarification – salmon, you may be surprised to hear, having read the above, contains NO sugar and NO butter and NO lard. Or anything except, you know, salmon. Pure protein. And yet, it’s a mere point-lette away from a Ben’s cookie. I was SO outraged. I cut the fillet in half, moaning quietly to myself. But now I have to eat the other half for today’s lunch (can’t bear waste) and my lunch is not usually as pointy as that. And I don’t even love salmon! It was actually particularly bland salmon at that (Tesco).

On other foodie observations, I had to laugh at bf the other day. I have these mini boxes of mini Smarties (hadn’t realised the actual Smarties would be mini which isn’t ideal – but they are 1.5 points and I think the mini boxes of normal Smarties are 2 points so....); I eat them slowly, one at a time, extracting the orange ones to save until last. Bf nabbed a box and just poured the lot into his mouth in 2 hits. Ah men – they’re a different species, aren’t they?

Tuesday, 10 August 2010

The 39 steps (aka approaching 40)

I seem to have scared SoD into meekness by threatening to replace him (he's got to be a he, being so cantakerous and unsympathetic!). Today's WI revealed I'd lost 3lbs! A couple of times it was 4lbs but 3lbs was the most common reading - or maybe 3.5lbs but I'd rather keep that 0.5lb in case I need it next week! Which I might as it's TOTM coming up. In fact, the WW website chastised me for losing weight too fast! Can you believe that? Of me! Not an accusation I've ever had to face before! Actually my average weight loss per week is 1.8lb so I don't think any of us need to worry about me fading away any time soon. But the computer obviously disapproved of the 3lb loss - well pah! Bring it on is what I say. I'm greedy for less pounds please.

And with my 40th birthday just over a fortnight away, I think I can safely say that I'll put weight on over that weekend. Yep, I take a whole weekend to celebrate my birthday - actually it will be longer: on the Wednesday I'll need to take cake in for work (and I'll definitely eat a bit - my triple lemon cake is rather good, if I do say so myself...!(Yes, Beth, will save some for you!)). Then Thursday we're off for afternoon tea with the parents in a swish London hotel. Then off to Suffolk - yes, I will be spending my first few days of my 40s in a tin hut. With my mother. Really, I'm so glamorous it hurts! Over that weekend we will be going out to dinner at least twice, doubtless having some champagne (and blinis with smoked salmon, sour cream and "caviar" - mmm) and birthday cake. I've asked my mum to bring one of her (spectacular and super-sharp) lemon meringue pies. I won't be counting points - although I don't want to go too mad - but do want to treat myself. Pancakes for breakfast? Tick. I used to allow myself to have chocolate cake for my birthday breakfast but I'm not sure I'll go that far this year. But as bf sweetly pointed out, I am slimmer now than when I turned 30. Still fat, yes, but slimmer. I was a generous size 20 then and now I'm a 16. Mostly.

Come Tuesday however, all bets are off - and all points will resume. It won't be long until the holiday then (less than a week!) too so an incentive to get back on track before 9 days of mezze and baklava. I've been buying up kaftan style tops from ebay to wear with long skirts - this is not a good look for a dumpy girl as it is. And the kaftans seem to have to be 18s to get over my hips, sigh. None of this is good for morale - or photos. But at least I won't upset the locals with my usual hussiness (knee length skirts, scoop necked t-shirts). That's the main thing.

Monday, 9 August 2010

The sweet taste of shame

Well, I'm at home with the lurgy. I feel a bit pathetic really - it's only a cold. Except my head is fizzing like an over-excited coke with added mentos sweets and the rest of me is shivery and wobbly. I feel rather sorry for myself actually!

It presents another trial by food. When I'm ill, I'm definitely of the school whereby I try to eat anything (and everything) I fancy to eat myself through it - does eating this make me feel better? Noooo, still feel rubbish - well, what about this then? And so it goes on. I feel a urgent need to treat myself to every chocolatey, sugary, naughty thing going. I'm not doing this. It's very hard. I know that it won't make me feel better physically of course, but psychologically it would. For a bit. Until the shame sets in (shame tastes like sugar overload to me) and my next encounter with SoD (tomorrow!) leaves me weeping, wailing and self-castigating. My teeth are currently gritted and I'm not a happy bunny. And all bets are off tomorrow if SoD is sodding about! I want some acknowledgement of this sacrifice and my toughing it out whilst feeling feeble and wussy.

I counted as best I could over the weekend. I think I'm way under points - primarily because I've earnt almost 60 in the last week. A 5 hour yomp on Saturday boosted that tremendously. We pegged it along, consious that we had to be back in time to spruce up before setting off to meet our glampers chez leurs. Chez leur tente actually. A dash of franglais there! Unlike the weather which was pure English. I listened to the rain lashing the tin hut on Friday night and hoped that our friends woke up dry and snug. And bf and I went home with assorted mozzie bites on Saturday post BBQ and I had to put the fire on to defrost! Again, was thinking of doughtier friends, with just some polyester encased feathers to warm them. At least they didn't have wood pigeons tap dancing on the roof at 5am on Sunday. Or I assume not, anyway. I hope I didn't leave them with the souvenir of my lurgy. Especially since they've got a 1 year old toddler. My name may be mud in that household.

Friday, 6 August 2010

The SoDfather

The arm of SoD is long indeed. It has tentacles everywhere and a network of spies. How else could you explain how it obviously got wind of my plans to replace it and engineered it so I got stuck in the office until very late on Wednesday? After getting stuck in the office for more than two hours after I wanted to leave, I then had to go home to do some more work (only punctuated by getting soaked in a very heavy shower). So, not sure when I can next get to the big Boots to look at scales next.

In compensation, in a sneaky mid week WI, it told me I’d lost 2lbs since Tuesday. Hmmmm. Much as I would like to believe this, I know that the Friday WI is a false friend since it reflects the more frugal eating of the week in order to allow for a little more slack on the weekend. So, we’ll see what SoD says on Tuesday before I get too excited. (2lbs is a lot for my snail-in-a-coma metabolism).

I have cycled twice this week – and yesterday every revolution of the pedals was tough, I was so tired from such a busy week at work. I actually really regretted cycling about 5 mins in to the journey but I am glad I did it to safeguard against any whim the SoD might have about chucking me back in the higher weight bracket.

This weekend – well, I’m off for a Lebanese tonight (mezza – pretty healthy choices for me but impossible to point). I have 10-14 points and I am hopeful that this is enough). Then up to Suffolk to the tin hut. A walk tomorrow and then over to friends in their tent in a neighbouring village for a BBQ. Really looking forward to seeing them as we don’t catch up often enough. My contribution is to be a green salad – I’m trying to work out how to make this a bit exciting since I feel that the burden is unfairly falling on our glampy friends. Then they’re coming over for “elevensies” on Sunday – I think this will have to be breakfast for me and I’ll try and hold out until then! I made raspberry and orange muffins last night (4 points each). I tried one this morning, as they are my inaugural muffins, and they’re pretty good. Hope they still are on Sunday ....

I don’t want to be gung-ho, but I don’t see too many dieting obstacles ahead. I’m driving on Saturday night so won’t be tempted to drink and the food should be pretty virtuous – my friend is a big healthy eater so I think the BBQ should be relatively safe. And I have spare points for it. So, all should be well, right?

Wednesday, 4 August 2010

The Cookie Monster

Sooo, I lost 1lb. Were it not for the buttercream mountain, I’d be a bit sad. As it is, I should feel lucky. Especially since it’s squeezed me down into another scale bracket (just). This is the bracket I finished LL on – albeit at the other end of it! But of course, I am still a stone and a half off my lowest weight – that magical place where I felt less panicked and less downright inferior, despite the fact that I knew I needed to do more, to lose more. Ah well, I have to keep the faith that one day I’ll get there again. One day. Ideally a long time before I have to start wedding dress shopping as I really want to be slim by then which requires busting through that lowest weight and then some! I’d still like to save some money and get a second hand dress – but they’re pretty much all 10s and 12s. That mythical place? It was a size 14. It was pointed out to me that most dresses you try on – and this is the new ones – are a size 12. Can you imagine the humiliation of your arse hanging out of the back? Not to mention that it must be impossible to actually ascertain what it would look like. That does not make for a fun retail experience, surely... Am determinedly not panicking about this as I have a good year before I need to offer myself up for that particular experience. I can surely find plenty of things to worry about in the meantime!

I had promised myself one of those cookies I have lusted over (Ben’s Cookies) and denied myself – pretty much all of this year – every time I hit another scale bracket. So, I pointed one up today – my favourite, a milk chocolate chunk – 10.5 points, people! Zut alors! I just can’t, not out of 18 points! I nearly passed out! I could weep, rail against fate and gnash my teeth for the sheer disappointment of it. The lowest pointed one I could find (that I liked) was 9.5 points. I have eaten 2 before.... Not being gluttonous (well, not very) – it’s easy to do. Sigh.

I did cycle yesterday though and I am hoping to cycle tomorrow. Bring it on, SoD... (In fact, don’t tell SoD but I’m thinking of replacing it with a whizzy (and hopefully more sympathetic) electronic pair.)