Tuesday, 18 December 2012

Christmas ditty

There were intense festivities last night.  I had to be at home as I was on call so it seemed a good time to Christmasify the flat.  I wrestled the tree into its stand (of which more later) and festooned it until it was groaning under the weight of baubles, hung cards, decorated the table, hung stockings etc.  It was knackering!  No-one ever tells you that bit.  It’s not the glow of Christmas spirit that make people look rosy-cheeked, it’s the hard work!

Then I wrapped presents for one of my best friend’s and her son as I’m seeing her tonight and painted my nails sparkly red.  Oh yes, the air in East London was redolent with Christmas spirit.  P was impressed when he came home to the fragrance of Christmas tree and the soft glow of the lights glinting off the baubles.  And a dishevelled wife slumped on the sofa.  But hey, what I lacked in personal grooming at that point, I made up for with festive nails.  (Why do boys never notice these things?)

But that was before.  Before I looked like I’d caught some nasty skin complaint.  It turns out that too much festive spirit can be bad for you.  Or at least, that some trees fight back.  Mine clearly hates me.  I’ve had an allergic reaction to the sap and have attractive and stinging rash on my wrists and forearms.  Because nothing says Christmas like a nasty red rash.  Still, at least it matches my nails.

Monday, 17 December 2012

Losing my weigh

I'm having a tough time of it.  I managed one day eating too much of the right thing but am otherwise eating in moderation of the wrong things.  Problem is, the wrong things have a poor effect on me.

I'm talking carbs.  I'm not evangelical and I don't think a carb-free diet is for everyone - I think dieting is much more personal than we are led to believe - but it certainly makes a difference for me.  I know my stomach is more bloated than usual - partly more weight and partly just more bloat.  I also have a perpetually upset stomach, my skin is breaking out and I'm hovering on the verge of a cold.  So why can I not stay away from the carbs?  Damn them for being just too delicious.  Damn me for being so stupid.

I don't even have a plan.  Or at least, not a good one.  My current non-formulated plan is a kind of drifting towards Christmas and then getting back on the wagon in the New Year.  Not a clever plan, is it?  I reckon I'm a stone heavier than this time last year but dare not get on the scales.  Nor do I dare wash my jeans.  And I can't see it being safe to wash them any time soon - best stand downwind of me til Spring. 

And that's if I am able to kick my own wobbly butt into gear before then.  I must or my wardrobe will be even more seriously compromised than it already is.  I'm thinking of trying the Slimfast route which is what the Starvation Diet advocates (and some useful intelligence from Caroline); I'm slightly scared that LighterLife has meant that I can never again drink any kind of shake.  I had a mouthful of P's McDonalds one a couple of months ago and literally gagged.  Still, nothing ventured..... So, I need to get on and venture.  Somehow, someday.

Monday, 10 December 2012

On the (cream) horns of a dilemma

It’s the classic fat girl’s vicious circle: I want to look nice so I want to buy something new but I want to lose weight so should I buy anything new and can I look nice anyway? But I want to look nice... etc etc
I have spent the past three days dithering over a dark green leather pencil skirt. It’s a bit reduced but we’re still looking at the best part of £100. Which makes it an investment buy – and I don’t want to be wearing this size by next winter. Of course, I’ve said that for the last god-knows-how-many years and essentially I’m much the same size but I’ve got to still hope – because if I don’t, I’ll stop trying and then will balloon to pre-LighterLife days no doubt.
There is also a navy sequin pencil skirt but I reluctantly accept that I have nowhere to wear this anyway. All the magazines etc make me paranoid this time of year – it’s all about this party outfit and that festive make-up look/nails/hair. Yes, I tend to see more friends in the run up to Christmas but I don’t have any Christmas parties to go to – is it just me? My social life is clearly not as dazzling as it might be. Tragically I’m most excited about seeing The Hobbit – and a sequin skirt is not required for that. Admittedly one of my best friends will be in town and I’m meeting her – something we only get the chance to do rarely – but I think she might be bemused if I turned up in full party gear. And possibly a bit scared.
The weekend was not as virtuous as I hoped but not as sinful as it could easily have been. The only thing I really, really regret was the piece of Viennetta I had at P’s parents. I don’t like Viennetta – I never have done –but felt obliged to eat it for politeness’ sake. P felt the same, I discovered afterwards. I’m amazed it’s still available – thought it had died out in 1982.
We had a bit of drama when one of the members of the choir I sing with collapsed mid-performance. In true the-show-must-go-on style, he was shunted on to a pew to await the ambulance whilst we carried on merrily carolling. It felt a bit inappropriate. Still, with most of the choir in their 70s+, I now understand why we have to wear black to all performances.

Thanks for all the comments - good to know you're all still out there! Caroline - have thought about Slimfast but it doesn't fit very well with the low-carb thing, indeed au contraire.


Friday, 7 December 2012

Coach potato

The word for the week is: supine.  Essentially that's been me.  My life has shrunk to the path from bedroom to kitchen to living room (with a bit of bathroom thrown in).  We live in a flat: I am probably averaging 50 steps a day.

This is because when I try and go further than that - eg an ill-fated trip to work on Wednesday - I have to go home again.  Not because I've forgotten something, but because the world starts tilting and spinning in a tiresome way and I weave along, looking for all the world as if I've been hitting the festive egg-nog in a big way.  But I haven't.  Instead I appear to have an inner-ear infection that renders me a seeming drunk (people actually veer away from me (has its benefits on the tube)).  The problem is that if I'm relatively still, I feel okay - and thus a fraud and incredibly guilty for not being at work.  And I've missed dinner out with friends, my penultimate singing rehearsal, the work Christmas party and a chocolate fair, sigh.

A lesser known side effect of labyrinthitis seems to be the obligatory consumption of carbs.  I've looked at NHS Direct and it says nothing about this and yet it seems to be true.  I've essentially been surviving during the day on hot chocolate (with marshmallows and spray cream) and bread (loaded with either melted cheese or pate).  I hardly need tell you this is not good.  My jeans are feeling tighter and my bras are digging in, leaving wheals when I take them off.  My stomach is bloated, my skin is congested and I feel physically and spiritually bleurgh.  Winter weather plus illness seem to have stolen my resolve.  And yet that honeymoon is only (!) a little over 5 months away and I will have to be wearing evening dresses: I want to enjoy dressing up, not find it traumatic.

So sure, Christmas is coming but I don't have to fatten myself up.  I might not be as strict as in other months but I am veering dangerously to the other extreme; moderation would be a big step forward for me.  So, a fairly feeble plan.  Tomorrow we're at my mother's - some sort of halloumi dish and crumble with a choral performance in between the two.  So I need to concentrate on a modest and abstemious breakfast and lunch.  Sunday we're taking her out for lunch as her festive send-off as she goes to Australia with my brother, the Chav-in-law and my ex-sister-in-law - as well as all three neices and my nephew.  But next week I need to make soup to take in for lunch and concentrate on a good, carb-free week.  I'm out to dinner with my friend J on Monday - she has the appetite of a small mouse so this won't be too hedonistic, Tuesday I'm having my haircut so won't have a chance for dinner, Wednesday I'm singing so again, no dinner, Thursday we're going to see The Hobbit which I'm so excited about that I may not be able to eat anything and then Friday night we're off to Suffolk.  I'm not going to think beyond that - I need to plan and, more to the point, execute a plan for next week before I worry any further ahead.  My plan is essentially yoghurt, berries and seeds for breakfast, home-made carb-free soup and fruit for lunch, more fruit late afternoon to carry me through and a modest carb-free dinner.  Sounds so easy, doesn't it?  And yet it's not.

And blogger-land is sadly silent these days.  I don't know if it's the time of year or whether people are drifting away.  But I'm guilty too.  So I'm going to try and hold myself accountable by posting more regularly  if there's anyone out there, do let me know that you're hanging in there too.