Friday, 27 June 2008

Rolls (of fat) reversal

If, as they say on LL, it takes 3,500 calories of over-eating to put on 1lb, how come I have put on 1lb since yesterday? Even with the crisp incident that cannot be possible. And it means that in the last 8 days I have lost - zip, zilch, nada, nothing. And tonight I am going to bf's sister's party where there will be a buffet. Feeling fat and fed up + buffet = trouble.

And today on the smack table - Minstrels, M&Ms, Jelly babies, two types of cake, two types of crisps with two types of dip. And I've had 5 jelly babies and 3 crisps - and a bite of a homemade chocolate brownie before I hurriedly gave the rest away. I toyed with some fruit and prawns at lunchtime in M&S and managed not to buy it, only to come back and eat crap.

It's a vicious circle. I'm down because I'm not losing but by cheating I make that more likely. And I think there's some rebellion - 'if I'm not losing why should I stick to it?' and 'I feel miserable so ought to be able to treat myself'. And I wonder if there's a bit of 'if I cheat a little and don't lose then I don't have to face up to the failure in the same way' buried deep, deep down.

I know I weigh myself too much but I usually only do it a couple of times a week - it's only because I'm desparate for a change which will show a loss for this week. I need that to give me some resolve to get through this rough patch. I almost didn't do my run this morning as I was so fed up - I don't enjoy it and if I don't see a pay-off, I don't see the point.

And still the sugary stuff is calling me. It's tempting to go 'oh stuff it, I've blown it, I might as well stuff my face' and I'm grimly hanging on and not giving in to the desire to SPRINT over to that smack table and go beserk. I have blown it and I can't think why I shouldn't do it but I know that I mustn't.

Ohhhh, I hope I have better news to post on Monday.

1 comment:

Mrs said...

Hey lovely P!

Just a thought; is it worth having a word on the side with your new LLC? She seems to be totally on the ball (sorry, today I am cliche-tastic) about all matters behaviour and food.

I SOOO know what you mean when you feel, what's the point?

Hang on in there and I have a question (you know me!); who pays for the smack table? Is it your employer? Is it your team? Is it a kitty? Is there any way you can make this a non-negotiable at work without being seen as a total killjoy?

It just seems so totally and utterly UNhelpful! But then again, as I saw from the call centre, it's a cultural thing- have office, have junk food.

Hmmm. I feel a blog coming on.

Thinking of you.

Lol Mrs L xxxxxxxxxxxxx