Deluded

Yesterday I tried on a load of clothes that were slightly too tight. Unsurprisingly, they are still slightly too tight. At the end of day 3 that shouldn't have been too much of a surprise really. But I think LL warps time somehow - once I'm on it, it feels like forever and I expect a return for all the pain (well, hunger). I know I'll get that result and I just have to be patient. Sadly I'm all about instant gratification - which could very well be a strong contender for the reason why I'm fat!

And that's how I feel. I'm still down 3st 4lbs on last May/June but I no longer feel good (ish) about the way I look. I feel fat and frumpy. That's the stick motivation to keep me going. I can't think about carrots or I'd salivate!

Nearly at the end of day 4. Still very hungry. And my - admittedly very old - ketosticks say I'm not in ketosis yet. Yesterday I managed to go from 8am to 9.15pm without a pack. It was tough but it was manageable. I met with Naughty R - I mused on whether I could have a miso soup, based on the premise that it can't be so different from a Bouillon. She said firmly no. Then she had a skinny frappucino! She's 'allowed' the milk but unless CD has changed alot, not the sugar. But as long as she drinks the water, she loses weight even if she cheats! Not much motivation to stick to the straight and narrow really.

Today I will be doing something similar as I'm meeting Willowy R. At least I know I can go without - although my mind is spinning like a rat in a trap, trying to think of something I can legitimately have. I know that the answer is nothing. And to think otherwise is to fool myself.

Back on Monday. Will have had first WI by then, first whole session (if I'm awake enough to take anything in!) and done a couple of runs too probably. Hopefully I'll be over the hunger by then too. I am resolute. I am going to get slim. I am going to feel better about myself.