Wednesday, 25 June 2008

No progress

Firstly, thanks for your comments. As you will see Lesley, I am SO not hard-core. Mrs - my new group are 'returners', my old (hard-core) Sunday group were classic and virtuous 'developers'. And boffcat - I know this is an age-old debate! I would just hate to tell people what I'm doing (interestingly my LLC subscribes to this - she reckons it just makes people think they have the right to comment on what you're doing, their thoughts on dieting etc etc) and just the thought of it makes me cringe. But I'm sure there are good arguments for being out and proud! I'll have to rely on (flawed) self-policing.

I have lost a measly 1lb since last Thursday (today is Wednesday). I'm not at the despair stage as I have noticed that I can weigh myself and see little/no difference and then weigh myself a couple of days later and have lost a respectable c3lbs. I want to lose 5lbs (+!) this week so it had better get a move on to suddenly drop off. WI is now on Monday but I'll be re-weighing tomorrow and at the weekend and Monday (to tally against LLC scales). I'm not despairing but I am anxious and trying to keep a lid on it since stress leads to food which leads to weight gain which leads to... Well, you know where this is going.

And work is really stressful at the moment. And the smack table is full as ever (Belgian chocs yesterday which I missed, thank god, and croissants and smoothies so far today). And I am hungry - emotionally and physically. Sometimes it all feels too much. I know that eating will make me feel more stressed (and guilty and self-loathing) but it's quite hard to not eat, just the same. I was at an all day meeting yesterday and part of it was a working lunch - sandwiches, crisps, biscuits and fruit. I said I had to pop out and make a call and scoffed down a bar then. I picked at a bit of chicken from the middle of one of the sandwiches and seemed to get away with that. It was hard (I could really smell the sugar in the nice looking biscuits) and I was hungry and I felt excluded - and I STILL felt bad about the scraps of chicken I ate! I still do actually.

I ran this morning. I think I was getting over-excited about moving on to week 10 as today was a slog again. Less so than last week (pre-period) but still enough that I don't think I am ready to do more. I seem to be in a groundhog week of week 9! Something has to be better than nothing though, right? Even if LLC reckons it won't help me lose weight. And that is all that I'm interested in I'm afraid! Sure, it would be nice to be badged as 'healthy' but I'm really only interested in the aesthetics, if it really comes down to it. So I have to tell myself that running will make the weight come off faster (despite LLC!)

I have a VLCD penpal who is currently inspired by a comment made on the CD section of Minimins - that there are two types of people doing a VLCD, those who see the diet as a prison and are miserable all the way through even if they are losing weight and look forward to coming off it and those who see the diet as a release from the tyranny of obesity - they enjoy it and embrace it. Bless her, she thought I was one of the second group - but actually I am firmly in camp one. I am trying to think like a type 2 person though. And just think, one day - if I work very, very hard - I may have puffless knees! There's motivation!

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