I was right to be scared, I was right to be pessimistic. Scales of Doom said I’d put ON 1lb. I don’t understand and I know it doesn’t reflect my efforts this week and so I don’t understand even more. It’s odd to feel betrayed by your own body. And I don’t know how often my poor wounded psyche can take this – the hope, the work, the fear and then the crushing disappointment. The nights spent counting up possible loss – by Easter could I be X? By the summer... by that wedding... by a holiday..... The answer seems to be a big, fat NO.
This is what I ate yesterday – does that tally with the gain? I THINK NOT
B – 1/3 cup porridge oats with half LF soya milk and half water and dsp flaked almonds. V8. Not sure it was enough porridge but I had ½ cup today and that was too much.
S – Rhubarb stewed with sweeteners and 3tbsp FF yoghurt
L – Home made trout pout soup (minus the lip irritant), SF jelly
S – 3 tbsp LF cottage cheese with head of chicory
D – homemade burgers with 1 slice LF cheese, mushrooms, tomato and 1tbsp LF mayo with green salad and ¼ avocado, dressing.
P – LF ricotta with cocoa and sweetener and small portion raspberries.
And I had a long and stressful day.
The gratitude thing can go to hell, the way I’m feeling now and I don’t think I’ll be able to post tomorrow on today’s things but, making an effort for yesterday:
1. Managed to miss the sports news on Today by drying my hair at this optimum time. This doesn’t sound much but I HATE their sports guy, Gary Richardson. He takes inane to a whole new low. For example, after Wimbledon last year:
Gary to winner: I bet you’re pleased you won then [note: not actually a question]
Winner: Er yes [or similar]
Gary: But don’t you also feel a bit sorry for [loser] – I mean he must have really wanted to win...
Yep, incisive journalism all right. He must either be related to someone OR be blackmailing them – there’s no way he got or keeps that job through merit.
2. Resisted whole box of amazing smelling cookies. POINTLESSLY as it turns out. And on a stressful day (yes, I know I already mentioned that)
3. No idea
In fact THIS is the way that today is shaping up, an ungratitude trio:
1. GAIN of 1lb. I think I’ve conveyed my anger and upset and disappointment with this.
2. I had to have a surprise photo for a pass – I look like an elderly convict. Who hasn’t slept for a week and has been on the run. Disguised as a bag lady.
3. I hate the skirt I’m wearing and my bra is stabbing me in the side of my boob if I shift posture.
4. And...and.... +1lb.
Things are really going to have to turn around for me to be able to say anything nice tomorrow.