Tuesday, 5 February 2008

Things that make you go hmmmm

I'm hanging in there. After a virtuous weekend I had a disasterous day yesterday but today has been much better. I haven't been vanilla perfect (about 6 mini eggs) but I haven't eaten a couple of thousand calories worth of sugar (despite really really wanting to) and so this is progress - not impressive progress but progress nonetheless. And hopefully progress I can build on so tomorrow, no eggs! Or anything else.

Strangely, two of my friends have now pointed out that I have a real problem with sugar. Maybe it seems obvious to an outsider but I thought that yes, I had no willpower and yes, I was greedy but it didn't occur to me that I might have some deep seated psychological "issues". I thought everyone mainlined chocolate when they were down or upset. But yesterday my work pal, lovely V, said that she thinks my reaction in eating extreme quantities of sugar and chocolate etc is a form of self-loathing and punishment and almost akin to anorexia or bulimia (yes I AM the embodiment of that un-pc joke about the bulimic who forgets to throw up). I was quite taken aback actually. But last week I was out with one of my two best friends, willowy R, who said from reading this blog that "it's obvious" I have real issues with food.

Both V and R are extremely sensible women (in a glamorous, fun kind of way!) and so I have to listen to them. But I'm a bit dumbfounded to know what to do about my apparent (if not apparent to me) psychological issues with sugar. V even suggested therapy - we get a few free sessions through work - but I can't believe it would warrant that (and would hate it). I guess some self-help type of reading - it won't help my debt issues but I do feel a bit disturbed by the very thought that I'm more damaged goods than I'd realised.

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