Tuesday, 5 February 2008

Things that make you go hmmmm, #2

Mrs L (who I keep referring to as 'my friend' to people and I've never met her and don't even know what she looks like - nor her me!) pointed out somethng that I kind of know but don't think I've properly accepted, that being slim isn't a magic wand that makes your whole life perfect. IF I ever get to be slim (at the moment I think the kindest word would be 'plump') it doesn't mean that my life will be perfect.

But, but, but, people will like me more, b/f will love me more and I'll be more confident, yes? Surely? Even if I get to a size 12 (I'm a slightly smaller than average 16 at the moment) I will not be Elle McPherson - my legs are not going to grow long, how ever much I'd like that, I will always be dumpy. I accept and know that (grudgingly). But possibly I'll always be insecure - I hadn't signed up for that.


Mrs said...

Hey, it's me, the virtual friend! Waving!

Anyway, here's the deal - the good news is that you can work on self-esteem (insecurity). You really can. As I have lost weight, I have realised that the issue still needs dealing with - the weight just got in the way. So, take something from my experience, get to the important stuff and maybe, just maybe, the weight will follow instead! Aha!

Second, SUGAR! Yes, it MAY be a psychological thing but guess what? It's more likely to be a bio-chemical thing! Sugar is introduced into Route to Management in week 13 for good reason - after abstinence, particularly, it's lethal. But, abstinence aside, some people can't handle sugar and if you take the OA approach, sugar is off limits. Full stop. It's HIGHLY addictive. Study after study has shown this - it's just socially acceptable. Think Elton John - he avoids sugar, as so many AA people because...what's alcohol in another form? Sugar.

I don't know what your personal situation is but, if there is any kind of addiction in your family, chances are you will be genetically predisposed to having a sensitivity. So, you see, it may NOT be in your mind!!!

Aren't you glad I posted?!!

Must dash as have just fed dog and must now sort everyone else out!

Big kiss.

As always.

Mrs Lxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lesley said...

Hi there - weird isn't it the virtual friendship thing.

I think you do feel more confident as you lose weight but it not a silver bullet for all insecurities, just one of the ingredients in the mix (as I mix a few metaphors merrily there!!).

I feel less confident now that I have gained the 2 stone even though I'm still 7 stone smaller than this time last year. We invest so much in control and what we eat is the ultimate signal of how in control we are.

Re the boyf, my H was, as you know, pretty grumpy about my weight and it took him a long time to adjust to the new shape and start to like it, much less time than it took me. So, I thought he should be responding better and he wasn't. He also started to do the thing where he just transferred his grumps from weight to some other issue!! Luckily, by then I had gained confidence from losing weight so am a lot less fragile and better able to stand up for myself. Thus, although he still has some grumps, they are fewer, farther between and I don't get as devastated by them. Not perfect but a lot better. Also, being slimmer means that the good times are better than they used to be, not tainted by the ever-present weight issue.

Bloody men.

He did start to have a go about me gaining the 2 stone but I have sorted that and I'm stopping the rot weightwise if not losing it again so we're stable there.

Don't let b/f's nags colour your view about your worth though or what you've achieved. I know it's easier said than done but if you stand up for yourself and don't let him get you down he'll probably nag less.

Sorry to go on about my situation but I know we have some parallels so thought it might help a bit.

Good luck

Lesley xxx