Saturday, 24 January 2009

It stops here

It's early on Saturday morning. Too early - I should be in bed but I'm on call. And I'm hungry. But I'm not eating - I'm going back to bed when I hand over in an hour so I don't want to 'eat' before I get up again. I am determined that the rot stops here....

Yesterday I had a disasterous day gorging on sugar. Why? Well, all the reasons were still there from the previous day but that's not an excuse. Did I want more than I had? Yes- there were things I consciously turned down (with reluctance) but not enough. Do I still want more now? Yes - if those M&S fondant fancies were here right now I don't know if I'd have the strength to resist. But they're not and it stops here and now. I cannot have days like that and lose weight. I know this and I am now afraid to get on the scales (I was afraid to blog my failure which is why I'm making myself). And I really want to lose weight - I know I am miserable not being able to fit into most of my clothes (and those that I can are too tight). I can't let sugar derail me. Being away from the office for 2 days will help me get back on the wagon and then on Monday I will be on DC packs so maybe actually eating will also help me resist my old bete noir.

I am seriously thinking of allowing myself one small chocolate treat once a week IF I have stuck to the plan for the rest of the week. Maybe that will help me control and get in perspective the whole desire to eat chocolate/cake all the time. I'll need to review how this makes me feel but at the moment I can't conceive of a life without chocolate - I just want to get it into perspective.

And Mrs - thanks but I only managed to run 3x last week. I had wanted (and needed) to do it 4x but I was hobbling on my blister-gone-bad and couldn't really walk on Friday, let alone run. I hope that by looking after it this weekend I'll be back on the treadmill on Monday.

Have a good weekend everyone.


Mrs said...

Gorgeous Peridot

I am going to email you separately and the one thing I am going to say now is that the only thing that must stop right now is the self recriminations!

As an expert on self criticism, I know what I am talking about!

Sending you a massive hug because that's what I think you need.

Lots of love

Mrs Lard xxxxx

Lesley said...

Hello sugarpuf. I can see that Mrs L is ahead of me. Stop being so hard on yourself!!

It will only hurt you and make it harder for you to see the wood for the trees. whatever you say, you have achieved a lot and you have to start seeing that and giving yourself credit for it rather than talking about "failure".

That what Beck says isn't it?

Another big hug winging its way to can get to the point where you don't want the sugar and the chocolate. Think how nice that would be....move towards the light Peri...

Lesley xx