It's early on Saturday morning. Too early - I should be in bed but I'm on call. And I'm hungry. But I'm not eating - I'm going back to bed when I hand over in an hour so I don't want to 'eat' before I get up again. I am determined that the rot stops here....
Yesterday I had a disasterous day gorging on sugar. Why? Well, all the reasons were still there from the previous day but that's not an excuse. Did I want more than I had? Yes- there were things I consciously turned down (with reluctance) but not enough. Do I still want more now? Yes - if those M&S fondant fancies were here right now I don't know if I'd have the strength to resist. But they're not and it stops here and now. I cannot have days like that and lose weight. I know this and I am now afraid to get on the scales (I was afraid to blog my failure which is why I'm making myself). And I really want to lose weight - I know I am miserable not being able to fit into most of my clothes (and those that I can are too tight). I can't let sugar derail me. Being away from the office for 2 days will help me get back on the wagon and then on Monday I will be on DC packs so maybe actually eating will also help me resist my old bete noir.
I am seriously thinking of allowing myself one small chocolate treat once a week IF I have stuck to the plan for the rest of the week. Maybe that will help me control and get in perspective the whole desire to eat chocolate/cake all the time. I'll need to review how this makes me feel but at the moment I can't conceive of a life without chocolate - I just want to get it into perspective.
And Mrs - thanks but I only managed to run 3x last week. I had wanted (and needed) to do it 4x but I was hobbling on my blister-gone-bad and couldn't really walk on Friday, let alone run. I hope that by looking after it this weekend I'll be back on the treadmill on Monday.
Have a good weekend everyone.