Monday, 19 January 2009

Do or die(t)

I think it's finally starting to sink in that I will be on a diet for the rest of my life. Diet, from the latin diem, meaning daily. Okay, I made that bit up but it sounds plausible! It's kind of hard to accept this but I do begin to realise that actually everyone is on a diet - sometimes it's not conscious or expresses itself in the form of vigorous regular exercise - so why would I be any different? If and when I reach a weight I can live with and looks good (oh okay, and is healthy too - boooorrrring) then my diet might include things I can't eat now, but this (dieting) is for life. The best I can expect is that eating healthily and frugally becomes an engrained habit and I notice it less. And resent it less. I think the resentment is fading with the realisation that no-one can eat exactly what they want, when they want and have the body they want.

So on that note, I read quite a bit of the Beck Diet Solution this weekend. I started stressing because I can't actually do it by the letter (I'm a rules girl) as you are supposed to read it daily for 2 weeks before dieting (I'm already past day 14 in that case!) and then carry on from there. Oh, and it stresses the importance of a healthy, nourishing and sustainable diet which I don't think chemical dust (aka LL packs) really qualifies as!

So I've read up to day 14 and then I'll start in daily from there when I start on Diet Chef (currently scheduled for Sunday or Monday - yay only a week to go!). Some of it is useful and some of it less so - I'm determinedly being philosophical about this rather than dismissing it all just because some of it doesn't work for me. For example, I am not going to ask my office to get rid of the smack table (although I do try not to walk past it too often (although I have to to go to the loo!) and I am ultimately leaving it when I leave this job next month) and imposing on someone to be a diet coach by looking at and commenting on my behaviour would be impractical and too much of an imposition too (but I guess comments on this blog are a bit like that).

Things I do like though - reminding myself that every time I give into an urge to eat, I am making it more difficult not to do that again whereas every time I resist I'm making it easier for next time. That a craving disguises another problem - and although chocolate (or whatever) is wonderful whilst I'm having it as a reaction to that problem, when I've finished it I still have that problem AND I've compounded it by adding feelings of guilt and self-loathing for giving in. None of this is going to startle people as brand new thoughts but I suppose they sink in at a different rate. And she advises that we read our list of reasons why we want to lose weight daily and whenever we have a strong urge to eat something off-plan which I am trying to do.

It's tricky putting it into practise - especially intellectualising why I shouldn't eat that chocolate bar when my heart is trying to over-rule my head. I tried this morning by telling myself that getting up at 6am to go for a run was a good thing because it would get me slimmer. But really, inside, I was growling that I didn't want to, that I wanted to stay in bed and that I hated running. All true but I did it anyway. Already dreading running tomorrow though!


Mrs said...

Well, that is FASCINATING! Absolutely. It's really interesting to see how you feel about running because - for me - as a fellow blogger/dieter - I find your runs inspirational. I really do. I know how hard it has been for you but you have stuck at it. So why don't you congratulate yourself for a job very well done? Again, easier said than done because it's easier for me to be objective about you than me! I'm the same, as you know. LOL!

I wish I could give you a big hug - particularly after your runs - because you deserve it.

I also wonder whether - since you're a rules girl (!) - whether you might start adapting them for YOU. No one knows your body better than you, after all.

Just a thought.

I've posted a photo - just for you - on today's blog. I hope it cheers you up.

Big kiss and lots of love

Mrs Lard xxxxxxxxxx

Lesley said...

Yes - but in getting out of bed you exercised your doing exercise muscle as well as your actuialy muscles!! It should be easier next time...and the time after that....and the time after that....etc etc

Well done and I'm right behind you on Beck although I am going to do the 14 day preparation thing as I haven't actually started a diet as such so I may as well use the time to plan both the head and the food side of things properly.

Lesley x