Thursday, 3 July 2008

Blown it

Well I've just blown it big time. We had a party at work to celebrate the end of a big piece of work and I've just eaten from the buffet. It was like the smack table but 5x the size. I had chorizo, cheese, grapes, crisps, chocolates, a mini flapjack and a fondant fancy. My heart is racing from the unexpected sugar load and I'm typing this to stop myself going back for more. I didn't have any of the fizz or wine but I'm not sure that that's any of comfort or merit.

I think it's unlikely that I'll be able to get back on track for WI as I only have 4 days until then (maybe I can dump the glycogen by then? If I'm lucky? Maybe...). But I guess I won't be losing weight this week either. Again. Damn, damn, damn.

I had lost a mere 1lb on my scales this morning since Monday so I'm still struggling to dump the fat. I was not impressed. And now of course I will have put that miniscule loss back on and then some. What I lack in good sense I certainly make up for in blubber.

I'm going to skip my 2 packs tonight if I possibly can, to make up for the stupid empty calories I have just stuffed myself with. I feel most odd - I don't think sugar has a good effect on me at all. Which doesn't explain why I want it so badly then. In my hypnosis recording Marissa says about sugar "your body doesn't like it and your body never asks for it". I think she's right but how do I convince myself to stay away? Especially when I'm supposed to be abstaining from ALL food? And even feeling as lousy as I do right now - physically AND mentally - I'm not sure I'd be able to do anything different next time. And there's always a next time here.


Lesley said...

Do you work for the Lard Council or something??! I think we have a lot of opportunities to snack in our office but nothing like the torment that you're going through.

I remember when I was in the throes of losing last year I simply did not touch the table. it didn't matter if I was hungry or the snacks looked fantastic, it was a hard rule that I didn;t do it. everyone knew that and it was reltively esy. Oh for those heady the table is theoretically possible, it is so much harder to walk away from it.

We need some serious RULES or die....RULES!

Are you in?

Lesley x

Lesley said...

Sorry about the spelling and typos...normally I check and this time I just pressed send!

Mrs said...

Hello, it's me, checking in from the Mac hospital!!!

There's so much going on here so I am going to just add what I can and hope that it makes sense, based on the sessions we have with my LLC. There are several things that keep coming up for our Management group:

Boundaries - this seems to be the cornerstone of so much. By placing boundaries around us, IN THEORY, we make certain things non-negotiable like the smack table (we don't go there), like the way people treat us (they KNOW not to go there), etc etc. The hardest thing seems to be imposing our own boundaries - my own non-negotiables get regularly blown out of the water.

Thought records - more and more and more I am realising that I don't want to do thought records because I just can't face what I am feeling. But, ironically, by just spending a few mins on the REAL problem, we can avert the vicious cycle of eating something we don't REALLY want, feeling bad about what we've eaten and then, later, feeling bad about the results of eating off piste. Does that make sense?

I love Lesley's idea of rules but the word rules makes me feel very very rebellious!

Lol Mrs Lxxxxxx