Well I've just blown it big time. We had a party at work to celebrate the end of a big piece of work and I've just eaten from the buffet. It was like the smack table but 5x the size. I had chorizo, cheese, grapes, crisps, chocolates, a mini flapjack and a fondant fancy. My heart is racing from the unexpected sugar load and I'm typing this to stop myself going back for more. I didn't have any of the fizz or wine but I'm not sure that that's any of comfort or merit.
I think it's unlikely that I'll be able to get back on track for WI as I only have 4 days until then (maybe I can dump the glycogen by then? If I'm lucky? Maybe...). But I guess I won't be losing weight this week either. Again. Damn, damn, damn.
I had lost a mere 1lb on my scales this morning since Monday so I'm still struggling to dump the fat. I was not impressed. And now of course I will have put that miniscule loss back on and then some. What I lack in good sense I certainly make up for in blubber.
I'm going to skip my 2 packs tonight if I possibly can, to make up for the stupid empty calories I have just stuffed myself with. I feel most odd - I don't think sugar has a good effect on me at all. Which doesn't explain why I want it so badly then. In my hypnosis recording Marissa says about sugar "your body doesn't like it and your body never asks for it". I think she's right but how do I convince myself to stay away? Especially when I'm supposed to be abstaining from ALL food? And even feeling as lousy as I do right now - physically AND mentally - I'm not sure I'd be able to do anything different next time. And there's always a next time here.