Day 85 - good loss, bad day

On the positive front I lost 4.1lbs which is so much better - than, well, practically every other week! I don't know why but I'm pleased in any case. That takes my total weight at LL WIs to 3st1lb and I'd really like to make that 3st7lb for end of Foundation - and yes, I would be pleased with that. Obviously I'd miss my initial 4st target, but given how hard it's been for me and my fears that I might not even make the 3st, I'd be very happy with that.

But it was not a good day. My LLC was very aggressive with me and I felt quite taken aback. I think it was because we'd had to fill in a feedback form and under the title of negative things about the programme I'd put that I found the counselling disappointing. Now, this was me being truthful but polite. As it is, I think the counselling is downright shabby - reading from a sheet for 20mins max in a sing-song voice is not counselling (in my book). But she was definitely antagonistic when the whole issue of what we're all doing post Foundation came up again. I mentioned that I'd spoken to LLHO and that I understood that whilst she didn't accept people to RtM who hadn't done Development, it was possible. As my friend said afterwards, she practically called me a liar. She said I was wrong, no-one at HO would say that as it was wrong, who had I spoken to as it was wrong - on and on. I just said - politely - that that was what I'd been told by a very friendly and helpful person at LLHO but I'd call them again and clarify. I reiterated that this was a financial decision for me - since I still have quite a bit of weight to lose and generally slow losses I simply couldn't commit to an extended period at £66pw. I've tried to be pleasant about this (and certainly not mentioned CD as I thought that might enflame her) - but she still said at the end "So you are thinking of Development then" and I had to say again that I wasn't, I couldn't. I guess if she was fantastic I would keep going (and I'll certainly miss my group) but it would be a real financial strain. And as I feel the counselling is utterly inadequate, I do feel a bit short changed. As it is, I really don't want to go back next week if she's going to be this hostile. But of course I will - just makes it that much more uncomfortable. Anyway, I rang LLHO and managed to speak to the same person, who checked with her manager, and I can go into RtM if I do a 4 week Refresher course first (payment up front!!). BMI is not an issue at this stage and I guess it would be good to do this after Christmas if I'm at the right stage for that. With a different LLC!

Then the b/f was really stroppy with me. I don't think that the argument we had was actually anything to do with the diet - I'd clearly irritated him in some unknown way (he generally finds me quite irritating and I guess I may well be), then I told him about the spat with the LLC and he accused me of being mousey (he hates this). Then it ended up with him saying that I'd leaned on him too heavily during this diet and I should have spread it around my friends more, he found it too much. I was really hurt. I generally know that to get the best out of him I have to be all happy and positive, no matter how I feel inside, but it is exhausting at times. And because he'd reacted so positively to the initial very long talk we had when I wanted to go on LL, I have talked to him quite alot. Anyway, I felt hurt and rebuffed (I am over-sensitive) and quite astonished by this as I kind of thought in a cliched way that we were in this together. And as I say, this is where the argument went but I'm not sure it's the cause. He rang this morning and said "sorry for whatever I did" - the apology is nice but not the evasion of why I was upset. Ho, hum, I dare say it will all get sorted out - or more likely, kind of forgotten about. Roll on normality though.