Tuesday, 18 September 2007

Day 85 - good loss, bad day

On the positive front I lost 4.1lbs which is so much better - than, well, practically every other week! I don't know why but I'm pleased in any case. That takes my total weight at LL WIs to 3st1lb and I'd really like to make that 3st7lb for end of Foundation - and yes, I would be pleased with that. Obviously I'd miss my initial 4st target, but given how hard it's been for me and my fears that I might not even make the 3st, I'd be very happy with that.

But it was not a good day. My LLC was very aggressive with me and I felt quite taken aback. I think it was because we'd had to fill in a feedback form and under the title of negative things about the programme I'd put that I found the counselling disappointing. Now, this was me being truthful but polite. As it is, I think the counselling is downright shabby - reading from a sheet for 20mins max in a sing-song voice is not counselling (in my book). But she was definitely antagonistic when the whole issue of what we're all doing post Foundation came up again. I mentioned that I'd spoken to LLHO and that I understood that whilst she didn't accept people to RtM who hadn't done Development, it was possible. As my friend said afterwards, she practically called me a liar. She said I was wrong, no-one at HO would say that as it was wrong, who had I spoken to as it was wrong - on and on. I just said - politely - that that was what I'd been told by a very friendly and helpful person at LLHO but I'd call them again and clarify. I reiterated that this was a financial decision for me - since I still have quite a bit of weight to lose and generally slow losses I simply couldn't commit to an extended period at £66pw. I've tried to be pleasant about this (and certainly not mentioned CD as I thought that might enflame her) - but she still said at the end "So you are thinking of Development then" and I had to say again that I wasn't, I couldn't. I guess if she was fantastic I would keep going (and I'll certainly miss my group) but it would be a real financial strain. And as I feel the counselling is utterly inadequate, I do feel a bit short changed. As it is, I really don't want to go back next week if she's going to be this hostile. But of course I will - just makes it that much more uncomfortable. Anyway, I rang LLHO and managed to speak to the same person, who checked with her manager, and I can go into RtM if I do a 4 week Refresher course first (payment up front!!). BMI is not an issue at this stage and I guess it would be good to do this after Christmas if I'm at the right stage for that. With a different LLC!

Then the b/f was really stroppy with me. I don't think that the argument we had was actually anything to do with the diet - I'd clearly irritated him in some unknown way (he generally finds me quite irritating and I guess I may well be), then I told him about the spat with the LLC and he accused me of being mousey (he hates this). Then it ended up with him saying that I'd leaned on him too heavily during this diet and I should have spread it around my friends more, he found it too much. I was really hurt. I generally know that to get the best out of him I have to be all happy and positive, no matter how I feel inside, but it is exhausting at times. And because he'd reacted so positively to the initial very long talk we had when I wanted to go on LL, I have talked to him quite alot. Anyway, I felt hurt and rebuffed (I am over-sensitive) and quite astonished by this as I kind of thought in a cliched way that we were in this together. And as I say, this is where the argument went but I'm not sure it's the cause. He rang this morning and said "sorry for whatever I did" - the apology is nice but not the evasion of why I was upset. Ho, hum, I dare say it will all get sorted out - or more likely, kind of forgotten about. Roll on normality though.


Anonymous said...

Hey there, sounds as though your LLC is a bit on the defensive side, as anyone with even an ounce of kindness in them would simply have said that SHE would check with LLHO, its a pure cheek to imply that you were wrong, why would you make this stuff up? If its any consolation, as money is an issue, I have found the one-on-one sessions with my CDC (Cambridge diet counsellor) great, as she is fantastically supportive (and more importantly doesnt lecture me when I fall off the wagon, as I've not been the most motivated of people!) I guess it depends on whether you feel more accountable when there is a whole group of people there as opposed to one counsellor, but I think either can work for you. Hopefully your boyfriend will realise that you would give him support if your roles were reversed, and that its not too much to ask that he do the same, I can see how it can be a little frustrating for other halves as so many social occasions are curtailed (and even if not overtly, sometimes they feel as though they are not being supportive by putting you in situations where you might be tempted to indulge), especially as he has been so supportive in the past, hopefully he will be able to see the bigger picture and continue to offer his support.

Sorry, long and rambling, but chin up, keep at it, and you are doing really well so far!

Mrs said...

Dear Peridot

Short and sweet because I am stacked up with house building chores but just HAD to send you love across the superhighway and reassurance.

You will get through this; this IS tough, this IS hardcore and this IS emotionally challenging! I don't think friends, to be honest, understand and my husband certainly doesn't hence online support.

Remember the fear factor; you ARE changing - you are not the girl you were (woman, sorry, you know what I mean) and this may, at a subconscious level, be scary for him. And, yes, as Cazlon says, the anti-social factor cannot be denied. Our other halves do have to observe the rollercoaster that is LL.

I want you to be proud of your achievements. I really do.

Big kiss.

Mrs Lxxxxx

Such A Pretty Face... said...


Your LLC sounds mean (I can think of other words but "mean" is as clean as I can be in the comments section), in fact she is behaving quite unreasonably and like cazlon said rather defensive.

I think you have to do what's right for you. I know what you mean about the cost, I am very broke and find it hard to get the money together to pay every week. I didn't gel with my LLC at first I just found her rather vague, uninterested and most annoyingly almost always "away" and we would end up with a locum. Thankfully she has grown on me or maybe vice versa.

I also have some lovely underwear sets that I have never worn and was saving for a special occasion but they no longer fit, the cups are all puckered and the overall effect is not what I am aiming for!

I hope you sort it out with your boyfriend, I am not good with affairs of the heart so will keep my not so good advice to myself, but I hope you manage to clear the air.

3 stone is not a small loss, not to me anyway, I hope you feel proud of what you've achieved so far because you should.


Such A Pretty Face... said...

ps: well done on the 4.1 pounds!


Sandra said...

Hi Peridot - congrats on the loss!

You have definitely made the right decision about doing whatever plan you do with LL with another LLC. If it was me, I would even go so far as to complain about the one you have had to HO.

I want to say something about your relationship issues but feel a bit rude about doing that. Sorry if this offends! Don't let yourself be bullied or made to feel bad. Relationships are supposed to be supportive environments. You made a comment on Lesley's blog about partners knowing the archilles heel of the other but it's not fair to use that. I thought that was excellent insight. In 7 years together my partner never has. He has never complained about me doing LL; he never judges me if I have a lapse. Instead he gives me a cuddle and tells me he knows I can do it and that he's proud of me. That's why I know he's the man for me and the right man to have children with. I couldn't be happy with someone who told me to lean on my friends instead of him...

Of course, it's not all sunshine and roses and there are things each of us do that annoys the other. But he is never emotionally manipulative. It just makes me sad when I read about those kinds of arguments in other couples.

Good luck with CD!

Lesley said...

Hi there. Lots to go at tonight now that I'm finally able to post and get on the computer!!

First up, well done on a good 4 lb loss. That's great news and you're not far from the magic 3.5 stone are you??

Secondly, sorry about the boyf and the arguments. I know no-one ever fully understands what goes on in a relationship but I can sympathise because I don't have the fully supportive OH that some women seem to enjoy. He has many great qualities and is there for me when the chips are down but in this sort of thing, not so much! So, you're not alone and, if he's worth it, then fight your corner and explain why he SHOULD support you more!

Hope you get there in the end. Grudging apologies are great aren't they?? D does a good line in them but usually realises what he did wrong 2 days later....sigh...

Thirdly what a crap LLC you got stuck with! You are doing the right thing in changing and I would echo Sandra's view about the complaint to HO, maybe...

Keep it up!

Lesley x