WWhat next?

I continue to plod, resentfully, on. I haven’t been able to cycle this week due to no saddle to park my arse on (ouch) but have done weights and quite a bit of fit-flopping. I have no faith that this will make any difference in my encounter with SoD tomorrow. I’ve also been pretty careful about what I eat (read: hungry) too. In a just world, I’d be looking at a respectable loss. But this is not a just world, it’s SoD’s world, grrr.

I just wanted to spend a few moments (inches?) answering some of your super-helpful suggestions from my last post. Firstly, a big THANK YOU to everyone who took the time and effort to comment; it really means alot to have this online supportive group of people who really know what it's like to be here and totally 'get it'.

So, Linz and Isabella both suggested upping the protein and I am definitely going to do that. It’s something I actually thought I was pretty good at already so I was interested to see this comment. I can only take on the eggs-for-breakfast comment at weekends as I eat breakfast at my desk in the week. I thought that the 50g of yoghurt and the nuts and seeds in my (low cal, home made) granola went some way to address this? If anyone has other suggestions of pre-prepared breakfasts I can eat at my desk, that would be great. I have had porridge with low fat soy milk, blueberries and coconut butter all through the winter but do feel I need a summer option!

Then Isabella, Claire, Seren and Boffcat all commented that maybe I wasn’t eating enough. Claire especially will know my fear on this since we share a similarly sluggish metabolism. But that strong theme, combined with some comments from a friend about the errors of my ways in saving up calories all week for the weekend and thinking exercise has sufficient impact to allow me to eat more, has brought me to a decision: I’m going to sign up for 3 months of Weight Watchers online.

I can’t say I’m thrilled to do this. I belonged to WW about 10 years ago (okay, it may have changed) when they devoted, for example, a whole session to asking us to name as many types of lettuce as we could (no-one came up with anything until I snapped and reeled off a dozen to stunned silence). And I fundamentally distrust any system which tells me that marshmallows are better for me than avocado. Much as I love them, I can spot the flaw in this argument, even if WW can’t.

So with that stellar attitude! No, I’ll give it a good shot and see what the impact of a more disciplined approach to food consumption is. I really think that unless I can shift this weight by my birthday next year, I’m going to have to go back to LL. Which, as my consultant thinks that is the reason for my metabolism going into reverse, is a scary thought. But I can’t go shopping for a wedding dress feeling such a lumpen frump(en) or I will literally implode with pain and grief. I keep catching sight of myself in mirrors and being utterly repulsed and overwhelmed with self-loathing. I tried to console myself yesterday that I was in a skirt that, prior to LL, I had 2 sizes bigger – and it was roomy – but it’s just shades of flab and it didn't convince me.

I’m also a bit discouraged by the whole exercise thing at the moment – a few of you, including Alice, wondered if I was doing too much? But surely that should translate into more (or any) weight loss? Sadly, I suspect my body isn’t thinking there’s a famine but is just being bloody awkward, and would be thrilled if I ate more, to busily lay down yet more fat.

AND! (And I’m outraged by this) I really think that with the weights my upper arms should look less revoltingly fat (I really wanted to keep my cardi on yesterday to hide their monstrousness but it was just too damn hot) and with all the flipping cycling that my legs should be good. BNF pointed at a weird veiny thing blooming on the side of my knee at the weekend “What’s that?”, I said it was some sort of weird veiny thing. “Well, it’s part of you and therefore lovely” he said, loyally. Lying bastard!