I am really having to force myself to do my runs in the mornings at the moment. I don't feel that I'm getting the payback for the effort involved - physically and psychologically. On the one hand, I feel it must be doing something (apart from making me bad tempered) but on the other, I don't really see that effort translating into a slimmer me. Of course, what I really fear is that if I stopped I'd just get larger - it's probably only that that's making me keep going - but I'd rather focus on a carrot than the stick.
I'm feeling generally rather discouraged to be honest. It seems that if I can stick to the plan 100% AND run I can lose a negligable amount of weight (certainly not more than 2lbs a week max) but if I deviate AT ALL I don't lose or I put on. And life does rather get in the way of 100% adherence to the rules. Take last night for instance, I was meeting up with friends to go to the cinema and then to Yo Sushi. I'd looked up their calorie content which was perturbingly high and realised that I couldn't have what I wanted - in either quantity or choice - so 'allowed' myself 3-4 dishes. I had 4 in the end but one was not one of the allotted 4 but probably a higher calorie option. So I blew yesterday - even though sushi's apparently a comparatively healthy option. And on Valentine's night, even though I had in mind that I was going to break the diet, despondance that I knew it would mean no weight loss that week pushed me into eating more than I should. Yep, no logic there. I was intending to have a 3 course meal, chez nous, with champagne (half a bottle) and wine (I had a glass and a half so not bad) but not the creme egg, bag of 6 mini creme eggs or 2 squares of dark chocolate. Or the clotted cream with pudding really either.
So it's hard to know how I can win at this. I think I could deal with very slow weight loss if I were about a stone lighter than I am now (and assuming it is a loss) but it feels like it could take a very long time to get there - and that's the starting point, not the goalpost.