Monday, 20 August 2007

Day 56 - Tea for 16 or so.

My office poses alot of problems! Firstly there's the daily struggle against the lure of the snack table (today: flapjacks, rocky road, chocolate cornflake cakes and chocolate - so far!) and then today the girls in my office are organising a baby shower for one (heavily pregnant) colleague. It's tea at the Wolsley. By which I don't just mean tea, I mean scones with clotted cream etc and finger sandwiches. Now as you know, no-one here knows about LL and I am now feeling very anxious about what to do about this. I like the mum-to-be and I'm all too often unsociable (I had to turn down a team meal out on a flimsy excuse recently which I could see didn't go down well) which isn't really on. But clearly I don't want to eat a clotted cream tea and sandwiches (well I do, but I know I mustn't), nor do I want to confess the real reason why I can't. I can only think of calling in sick that day - which is pretty shabby behaviour - or making some pathetic excuse along food poisoning lines or similar. Oh dear, what to do? Any help would be gratefully received!

And the b/f's lovely parents are taking us out to lunch on the 21st September. I've accepted that I will have to eat and will make wise choices and not eat much of that either. They also don't know about LL and I don't want to tell them, or hurt them by making some excuse. But I don't want to keep having to make exceptions - this is it, my lapse but a planned and controlled one and I'll pay for it by not doing Milk Week (no great sacrifice I admit). So what about the Wolsey? Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. It's looking more like pulling a sickie - and I have such an over-developed sense of guilt I will inevitably make myself actually physically ill (migraine I expect)! And still feel guilty!

According to my admittedly eccentric scales I've lost 4-5lbs this week. I hope this is confirmed by WI tonight. If it is, I am hoping this is because my body has finally given up the fight to cling on to the fat and is now making up for lost time. This doesn't sound terribly scientific but who cares why as long as I actually am starting to get going on this diet (as I enter week 9!).

I am now fitting into smaller clothes and finding clothes a bit of a problem in finding stuff that isn't too big on me. The sizing thing still mystifies me though - I can fit into 3 sizes (although the one skirt that's smallest is fractionally snug and probably a generous size to boot). I assume I'm the middle size but what cruel trick of fate means that some larger sizes fit well too?!

We went out on Saturday and I actually felt slimmer and slightly pleased with myself - until I realised that to the outside world I am still a fat girl. Did deflate me a little but obviously increases the determination to plod on.

I am warily thinking about clothes for my holiday in early October. What size will I be? Will I have anything to wear? How will I get summer clothes, given that the UK shops have had winter stuff in since July? Which is not for the sensible reason that it feels like winter out there but just part of their bonkers cycle. I don't want to be over-optimistic and then disappoint myself if I don't achieve what I hope. But I do think this is going to be an issue. I suppose I'll have to wait until mid September then trawl the internet for sale items from the summer on the likes of Boden (and erm, can't think of any other mail order places). Better to have that as a problem than staying the same as I am now, or worse, putting weight on though! Which brings us back to the Wolsey....


Amanda said...

Good luck with the weigh-in tonight.

I kept my diet secret for about a week, well apart from telling one person, but the whole office knows now and I find it really does help as they don't keep saying 'come on, you can have one' stuff like that. They have been so supportive.

Have you had yourself measured since being on LL. You maybe suprised as to how many inches you've lost.

Anyway, good luck.

Amanda x

Sandra said...

The people I am likely to socialise with at work know about LL. Family and friends know about LL. It really does make it easier - after all they'll start noticing sooner or later...

Re: sizes - they vary a lot. I was planning to post on my blog taht I tried on some jeans I bought in NZ in May. I have 2 pairs of 18s and 1 pair of 16s. The 16s fit perfectly. 1 of the 18s is decidedly snug and the other 18 is nowhere near getting past the top of my thighs. AND all were from the same shop - just different cuts/styles. Bonkers!


Mrs said...

Dear Peridot

I LOVE The Wolesey (can't spell!)! It will be a breeze. You can have tea (without milk) or, if you must, take it with milk. It won't be the end of the world. I am NOT encouraging deviation but a get out clause if the absolute worst happens. But you could go herbal!

The thing about afternoon tea is that it is little nibbles, so you could put them on your plate and then not eat. Mini mouse has posted on minis about the wedding she attended - no one noticed she didn't eat. You could do the same thing.

I've done it (hard to believe but true!)- when I was super abstinent - it's hard but you can do it. I think you would be spurred on by the weight loss.

The other thing I want to say to you is tied up with fear of failure but I think I will email you instead. Too long for a comment.

Hang on in there dear Peridot. You're doing really well and I think your body is finally letting go!

Love Mrs Lxxxxx

Lesley said...

Yep - if you're so certain that you can't tell anyone, then black tea and pushing a scone around while no-one is looking which will be mega hard but not impossible.

I really don't understand why it has to be a secret though?? Could you explain sometime? I told everyone at work and home and they have been nothing but supportive. If anything it helped because it's an extra layer of accountability keeping me away from the snack table etc. They're going to know soon enough.

Is it because you are scared of failing at it after you've told everyone? If so, you're doing really well (in the face of adversity too!) so surely it's time to have faith in yourself and accept a bit of help from your firends and colleagues. I fear for you with that snack table otherwise!! If they knew, they might even re-position the snack table??

Anyway, I do respect your decision obviously but think you might be making it harder on yourself unnecessarily.

Good luck with the Wolsey - go though!

Lesley xx