Tuesday, 31 July 2007

Day 36 - how many tears in a lb?

Because I must have shed enough to take my weight down last night.

It was the WI at the end of week 5 and it's now inescapable that I'm not averaging enough weight loss to achieve the 3st in 100 days, far less the 4st goal I'd set myself. To make 3st you have to lose on average 3.5lbs a week. My losses are steadily falling and are now below 3lbs - next week on this trajectory could be about 2lbs and I can't bear to think any further than that:
End week 1 = 7.7lbs
End week 2 = 4.1lbs
End week 4 (inc week 3) = 6.5lbs
End week 5 = 2.8lbs

I went in to this because I saw an ad for LL talking about a "guarantee" of 3st in 100 days and that gave me confidence to make this massive change. When is a guarantee not a guarantee? When it is, in fact, an average. Which means I'm balancing out all the people with fantastic losses - which is great for them but very sad for me. And when I say sad....well, I started crying on the way home last night and pretty much kept going until 11pm. I've heard all the platitudes - 'you couldn't have done this another way', 'at least it's coming off' (and variants thereof) - but I actually find this diet very very hard every single day and I can only cope with that if I feel I'm achieving something. I'm going to carry on for the 100 days but it's with a very heavy heart and the knowledge that I'm likely to achieve about half of what my goal is. And that's after a week where I'd really upped my exercise levels and hoped to see a pay off for that too. Have to go now or I'm going to start crying again in the office and I'd hate that.

PS My LLC was basically hopeless - a whole raft of platitudes but no practical help and she got quite narky about the metabolism point that my specialist made. Still believe him over her and her handbook. Still, she's so bad at the counselling that I can't expect much in that way from her. I'm sure she does her best.


Mrs said...

Oh Peridot

Wish I could give you a big hug - you need one right now.

I see that there is a LLC on minimins; why not contact her if yours is so useless?

I don't want to offer Job's comfort so I won't!

Knowledge is power so why not tackle this so that you feel more in charge? Contact the medical team at LL HQ - I did - and see what they say.

I think those of us in Development forget how hard it was in Foundation - well, you know how much I struggled. Weight loss is a funny business and there is no such thing as one rule for all.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. You are so determined and I can understand why you'd like to see that translated into pounds lost on the scales.

The other tools that might help you right now are the thought records - just so you feel better about where you are right now AND some reframing.

Are you noticing other changes? How you sit next to that snack table, for example, is beyond me! If that isn't a massive improvement (and demonstration of success), I don't know what is.

Seriously, let me know if I can help.

Big kiss and stay strong.

Mrs L xxxxxxxxx

Peridot said...

Thanks Mrs L. I do need help but I don't know what help there is - the only thing that would make me feel better is a guarantee that the next few weeks would make up for the last few. But no-one can do that and I really fear that the downward trajectory will continue - so next week a shade over 2lbs, the next a shade under and so on and so on. How can I fail at something that so many people have success at? I'll shut up now - not least as my work colleagues keep looking at me and asking if I'm alright as I have tears in my eyes.

Thanks for the good wishes.

Mrs said...

Dearest P

You say...How can I fail at something that so many people have success at?

I fear it is our old friend crooked thinking at the heart of this; you want a guarantee it will work yet you are tortured by thoughts of failure. And your failure, at that.

You ARE losing weight, you ARE succeeding - it's already happening but maybe you don't really believe it? Or want to believe it (because if you can succeed at this, what else could you succeed at?!)The diet is not something outside of yourself, it's you in the driving seat (of it all, as it were)!

I really gave myself such a hard time with Foundation and certainly didn't acknowledge any losses until the end of Foundation. Not really. And then I was focused on the next stage - I never allowed myself to celebrate the mini goals en route.

You know that saying, we're so focused on the destination that we forget to take in the views en route...I just wonder if this is going on for you. Why is the 3 stone guarantee so important? Is it that you don't trust yourself (I know I didn't, if it helps) to achieve it?

LighterLife presses all our buttons - big time. In my opinion, it's so much more about our minds than the scales - so many times I realised it's SO not about the weight but the scales are our only gauge of whether it is working or not.

I don't know if this helps so I would just urge you to consider crooked thinking. It's SO incredibly powerful that, often, we don't even realise it's taking its hold.

Stay strong, Peridot, you WILL get there - you just have to believe it. And believe in you.

If you had really failed, do you know what? You wouldn't be writing about week five - you would have given up long ago...

I'm going to post this on minis and here - just in case you can't access one.

Go back to your green book...and as my friend, Porkchop keeps saying, the answer lies within!!!

Big kiss.

Mrs L xxxxxxxxxxx

Lesley said...

Hey Peridot - sorry to hear you're not seeing the big losses. Our bodies are tricky buggers aren't they - playing nasty little tricks on us. I'm glad you're going to stick it out anyway and who knows what will happen further down the line. It is not a straight line sort of game, LL.

When people in my class struggled, my LLC recommended upping their water intake to at least 5 litres and not having the bars for a week. Don't know if this advice has been mentioned to you but thought I would pass it on just in case.

Don't lose heart, there was a woman in our group who started with slow losses but she put in a few 5lb weeks and hit her 3 stone in 100 days target. I really hope you do too.

(((((((((big hug)))))))))

Lesley xx

Mrs said...

How are you?

Thinking of you.

Big kiss.

Mrs L xxxxxx