Tuesday, 24 July 2007

Day 29 - beginning of week 5

Had WI last night and lost another 2lbs - that's 7lbs in 2 weeks so at this rate I'm only just meeting the "guaranteed" 3st in 3 months. And I really want to lose 4st (or hey, more than that would be great too!). With this in mind, and in the rare event of a rainfree morning, I walked c2.5miles in to work today. I have been feeling very weak and listless but it was fine and I'm determined to do this when it's not raining. I'm trying to entice someone from my class to walk back a bit further (c4 miles) a couple of evenings a week - if she's not keen I suspect I could enviegle b/f into it. And all this depends on the weather - so not wildly optimistic! I had a look at the long range forecast and apparently it may stop raining in mid August!

We looked at reasons for eating last night. We had longer than normal for our counselling - about an hour. But it's not very good quality. The LLC (whilst nice I must emphasise) just reads out what's on her printed sheets from LL - in a voice that you might use to read a bedtime story to a small child. You don't feel she really understands what she's saying and it means that it's less of a discussion where you engage fully. So I try (in true nerdy eager style) to really try and think about the themes myself, separately. I definitely eat when I'm stressed - have had two occasions recently where I was longing to (my brother's permanently crying baby and a bad day at work) and found it really hard not to. But whilst I can recognise that I find it harder to work out what to do - yes, I didn't eat but I would still want to in a similar situation. Also, to treat myself - esp if b/f is out - I think out a nice menu which usually ends in chocolate eclairs. That would be 2 eclairs because that's how many there are in a box. And I also eat when I'm mildly unhappy (but not utterly miserable strangely), fed up or bored too. So whilst I have the self awareness to recognise this I'm not quite at the point where I know what to do about it other than not eat - a bath is not going to do it for me by the way. Know lots of people go for this but I'm not interested in this as a treat. This is something that I hope will unravel with time.

The other thing I've been thinking about is clothes. I'm finding the whole concept is beginning to get quite stressful. I would describe my style as 'damage limitation' more than a choice and I'm aware that if I am successful I will have to think again. I read Gok Wan's How to Look Good Naked avidly and picked up lots of tips but it still makes me anxious and stressed to think of trying to put it into practice. Why? I don't know, but it really, really does. I also find the whole sizing issue bewildering. I have a range of skirts, all the same size, some are practically falling off me and others are a bit too snug - what's that about? How are you supposed to know what size you are? I suppose it's the move from finding things that are "good enough" in that they cover me, are nice colours and a reasonable shape to conceal me, to actually having to be more discerning and having more choice - taking me out of my comfort zone (and I'm never good at that). One thing I am looking forward to though is buying a swimsuit for our holiday in October that isn't some ghastly matronly thing (you KNOW what I mean). I hope I'll be a couple of sizes smaller by then.


Lesley said...

Re what to do when you're tempted, I think it's important to have a range of options. I know the bath thing isn't a treat- it's more avoiding the whole food scenario and as such, can be useful.

I also use blogging - getting upstairs to the computer, removing myself from food and talking about the diet to reinforce what I'm doing. I try and keep busy at my danger times (ie. when I first get in from work) so arrange walks, runs etc at that time.

When I'm really tempted and prowling the cupboards looking for something/anything - I try to just walk around until the urge passes. I pick on any tiny task like emptying the bin or unloading the dishwasher in the hope that by the time I've done it, I'll be back in control.

One thing I've never done but probably should have tried, is picking up the telephone and speaking to a mate (not necessarily to tell them that I'm desperate to eat but just to distract myself).

I think you need to avoid the idea of "treating" yourself when you want food as otherwise you'll reinforce the idea that food is a "treat". I've tried to get away from that whole concept.

Re clothes - it's a weird thing - not knowing what suits you aged 37 because you've never been this size! That's where I am now. A whole new learning curve. You'll get there.

Lesley x

Lesley said...

Thanks for the tip re Selfridges and jeans - that sounds like a fine idea!!

Lesley x

Amanda said...

The walking really does help and when you get into it/ a routine I find I actually miss not going, so much so my friend & I were out in the rain, looking like drowned rats. Amazingly we still enjoyed it and were so pleased we didn't just sit at home watching TV.

Keep up the good work.

Amanda x