Not a good morning. I went to see my metabolic specialist today. I didn’t in fact get to see him but a colleague of his. She was very nice and clearly does not subscribe to low-carbing at all. She told me that I was having too many calories in the form of fat in my diet – she particularly objected to my breakfast (a 3 egg omelette with cheddar and sunblush tomatoes). I’m now all in a quandary – I tend to think that if you try and follow all the diet rules for each diet simultaneously it all just becomes a) confusing and b) ineffective. But of course, I’ve only lost 3lbs this year so I find it hard to resist any glimmers of hope. Not that I allow hope to enter my dieting world any more – it’s just too hard when they wink out.
Of course, this diet is high fat and low carb – intentionally so. And I feel much healthier on it – no more sugar crashes, shaky/sweaty hunger induced incidents or frequent and intense hunger. But... but... but. She suggested I have porridge for breakfast instead. The problem with that is that I tried it and was starving by mid –morning – AND I really need some kind of sweetener on it (honey or splenda or (gasp) sugar) and that just causes the sugar-monster to roar back into life. She reckons that even if I had to have a snack mid-morning to compensate for the hunger, it’s better than my omelette.
Or she said to exercise more. Which makes me hungrier, which... It’s a vicious cycle. She then said low level exercise like a walk every day – I’ll try it but I can’t really see it’s going to make a difference when running 3 times a week didn’t.
I’m considering what I can change my breakfast to that is still low-carb but cheese-less (she was horrified by the eggs but I suspect the cheese is higher fat). And I’ll change my post-soup yoghurt to fat free rather than full fat. I struggle with breakfasts so I’m not sure what to do.
The worst thing was that despite me being quite matter of fact and breezy, she seemed to realise that I found the weight loss (or lack of) quite tough and I ended up in tears. And there was a student there whose eyes got bigger and bigger as I tried to conceal my weeping and turn off the waterworks. The doctor suggested CBT but (as I told her) there’s no psychological technique that is going to make me feel better about being fat. I also think it’s better to keep these things safely bottled up wherever possible – my bottle being a veritable pandora’s box.
I lost 1lb this week. Not bad given the morsel of cake and how harshly I am usually treated for any aberration. If only it could be a steady 1lb (or, greedily and ideally, more) a week I could deal with all this, but this takes my total pounds lost this year to 3lbs, I’m still 5lbs heavier than before Christmas and a stone heavier than my lightest (but still porky) weight. Who can blame me for a bit of humiliating blubbing? Well, apart from me.