D.I.V.O.R.C.E

It’s over between us. I gave it a good go but it’s just been too much to bear – it was a one-way relationship and I was putting all the effort in. Yep, me and running are through. The big split came on Sunday, when I’d heaved myself out of my bed far earlier than I’d wanted, to embark on Week 4, Run 1. Now, I was already unhappy with the jumps in the programme (from 90 secs running to 3 mins last week), well, get this: Week 4 was run for 3 mins, walk for 90 secs then run for 5 mins, walk for 2mins, 30 secs (and then do it all again – yay(NOT)). I did it – just. And I did not get a runners high, I hated every long, long second of it. And I was dreading week 5 all the way– just checked and it moves up through the week from 5 mins, to 8 mins to 20 MINS RUNNING! It would kill me – probably quite literally. So I’m stopping the whole sorry business. I feel bad, in fact I feel like a big, fat loser (and not in the weight loss way, sadly) to have failed at this. If I were enjoying it OR the weight was dropping off, I’d keep going (although there’s no way I’d be able to run for 20 mins straight next week) but I don’t and it doesn’t.

My alternative plan is to go to the fitness room in the basement of our flats and work on the weights machines for 20 mins or so – and then, if I have enough time, walk in in my MBTs. Everything I’m reading at the moment seems to say that building muscle speeds up metabolism – and as my specialist has attested, I have an abnormally sluggish metabolism (or what Claire calls arseybodyitis!) and need all the help I can get in this department. Interestingly, there was a (opinion column) piece in the Observer saying that MBTs do work (http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/may/16/polly-vernon-what-i-bought-this-week-mbts) – can’t say I’ve noticed much “sculpting, toning, lifting and separating’ but I’m prepared to keep plugging away. Maybe my legs and arse are more of a challenge than Polly Vernon’s! In fact, I’m sure of it.

I’ve been very good over the weekend – yes, I’ve had a couple of treats but I’ve really balanced that with very sensible, low-cal choices. My main course on Saturday came with a pile of chips that I promptly off-loaded onto my 17 year old stepson’s plate, leaving myself a maximum of 12. He was groaning with his head on the table when he’d eaten (not quite all of it) and only temporarily perked up to scoff a brownie with ice cream before slumping again. And I have not had so much as a tiny glass of wine all weekend which I guess helps.

Going back to my specialist, I saw him last week. He’s still keen that I have a gastric bypass. I don’t fancy it one little bit. Given that he reckons that Lighter Life has suppressed my metabolism virtually out of existence, I couldn’t see that eating the same calories because of an op could be any better. He said that people who had the op generally lost most of their interest in food; I said that I suspected this is because they kept throwing up every time they tried to eat which would tend to put one off rather. He said that actually it seemed to affect ghrelins (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghrelin) and was impressed I knew what this meant. I’ve said I’ll see this other operation specialist – IF he contacts me which he’s not got a good track record on - but I have to say I am really, really not keen. Of course, I’m not keen on staying fat either. It really does seem to be a choice between the devil and the deep, blue sea. The specialist has promised that in the time the op would take to come up, he’d continue to look for new drugs which might help but wasn’t able to offer any more hope than that – thin hope indeed. Ho ho.