This weekend, after much talking it through with my mum, best friend and boyfriend, I decided to commit to LL. I feel exhilerated I guess - a mixture of fear and excitement. It was bizarre really, I read about LL but wasn't giving it serious consideration - until I woke up abruptly at 3am determined to do it! I guess my subconsious was working away somehow.
I've been unhappy about the way I look for a very long time and have tried numerous diets in the past - problem has been that I lose weight so slowly that I see little return for my investment of misery and denial and get discouraged and fall off the wagon. I'm hoping that LL will really change that! And so I'm excited. But I'm frightenend that it won't - and I'm a real foodie (not trash but I love good food - and wine, god, I'm going to miss wine) so that will be tough. And fruit - I LOVE fruit and summer is obviously the best time for that. Oh dear. And I do see a weight specialist who finds me very interesting - he tells me with the enthusiasm of a specialist that my body has evolved to hang on to fat in case of famine. This is less exciting for me! I'm hoping in a battle of wills between me and my stuck-in-the-stone-age body that LL will be the weapon to ensure I triumph. I'm not asking for Elle McPherson - I'd be happy as a size 14.
I went to one introductory LL meeting last week but the counsellor at her own admission didn't do the full session with us (the counsellor said that she didn't have time to show us the DVD which made me a bit uneasy and I decided that it might be a clue that I wouldn't really get on with that counsellor). And after practically STALKING another counsellor who never got back to me I tried for a third and I'm glad I went again - the DVD was very motivational and the counsellor seemed very sensible and pleasant. The only other girl there seemed too slim to be there and wanted to lose weight for her wedding - I know she can't have been but it made me feel a bit self conscious at the contrast. I'm signed up to start on 18th (and am already worrying that it won't happen - there won't be a sufficient number to start or something) but I am obsessed at the moment with LL and spend too long reading people's blogs. Hope I don't peak too soon!
Next week I'm off on a walking holiday (nothing dramatic, 5-8 miles a day I would guess) and then first Monday back at work I'm starting what I really hope will be a postively life changing experience. I have support where I need it (my boyfriend is paying half the fee for me, bless him) but I don't want people generally knowing which will lead to some tricky situations at work. I work with alot of girls (young, slim, fashionable, glamorous - nightmare!) who I'm sure will notice I'm not eating and those packs are not exactly discreet! And we generally have a snack table groaning under chocolate, cakes and sweets about an arm's length away! But I am planning some sly and sneaky evasion stories to try and keep the spotlight off me. Any ideas for more of these gratefully received.