Day 1

Last night was my first meeting. It was okay - nothing mind blowing but I have read on other blogs that it takes a while for it to get going. We mostly did weighing, photographs and measurements. Ironically I'd lost 3lbs since my intro session - clearly a diet where I eat exactly what I want to is the way to lose weight! This is where I've been going wrong! I wish, nah, clearly a fluke - not that I'm complaining. We did the lemon visualisation and the power of thought and that was it. I can't make the pop-in as I'm working so I'm a bit fed up about that.

I had my first pack this morning - hot vanilla with a spoonful of instant coffee. I thought that because it was hot I wouldn't need to shake it up (our LLC said it would explode!) and tried to make a paste with cold water and then add boiling. It was really lumpy and grainy looking so in the end I dumped the lot in the liquidiser which did the trick and it was okay - a slightly strange after taste but I'm sure I'll get used to it. I've also had 2 litres of water already but I'm starving! It's tough feeling this hungry but on the plus side it provides extra motivation for not cheating (wouldn't want to go through this again!). Just to make it extra special my TOTM is due tomorrow and I have period pains today - and I woke up in the night feeling really sick! As I may have said, I never do things by half!! Still, I was glad I felt sick before the pack as otherwise I would have worried that the pack was the cause. It ought to make things easier not eating but somehow I'm also starving.

So I'm trying to hang on in there for another hour before having a mushroom soup. I'm a bit worried that I won't be able to make it smooth and unlumpy. Perhaps I'll be so starving by then that I won't care! Then I'm intending to have another soup tonight for supper, and a hot chocolate before bed.

Lovely boyf had written "really yummy" in thick marker pen on my vanilla sachet this morning - it make me laugh. He's really positive and keen and is also saying he's going to use the opportunity to eat less himself (clearly I usually force feed him!).

I was remembering an episode from my past which really sums up how you are treated when you're fat. When I was at school (and slim) I used to often get the bus home with a boy in the year below - he was always very friendly and charming and attentive and I thought we were friends. About 5 years ago I bumped into him in a taxi queue when I was with a friend (and had probably put on c5 stone) and he did that eye flick thing and proceeded to ignore me and talk to my friend. When he did look at me it was with disdain. And yet I was the same person essentially. I'd like to lose the weight and be looking by best and bump into him again - I'm quite sure he'd be all charming but this time I'd treat him with the disdain he deserves (and I never did).