Sweetening a pill

I’d forgotten my urge to panic/comfort eat at work. Whilst my boss has been on maternity leave, the whole office has become a nicer place to be. But now she’s back. She’s been promoted and is now my boss’s boss which means I get a little breathing space but she pollutes the whole office. The thing that I find particularly objectionable – actually repellent – is how excited and hyper she gets when she has to tell someone off/slap them down/ “put them back in their box”; she actually can’t sit still in her glee and has to jump about, skip and wriggle, with a huge grin, talking at 100 mph. There’s something sick about that. Yesterday it was me being slapped down and I didn’t like it – I felt slapped, I felt belittled and nervy. The office is changing back again to a place where people seek out mistakes and gloat and mock; I don’t like it. So much so that I ate a brownie. Not a big one but it’s not a healthy response. Sugar can’t sweeten this – it’s toxic with or without a big dose of my own personal toxin.

So I really didn’t want to go dress shopping last night. I was feeling squashed but knew that I’d feel expanded as soon as I tried anything on. I bought something – I think it’s nice but it’s very different to what I’d usually wear. And it’s sleeveless and I do not love my upper arms. And a cardy, wrap or similar just won’t work – I tried it – my arms would be out. But not proud. I’m putting it to the P test tonight – I told him to be brutal which he’s a bit hurt about – ‘honest’ is what we’ve agreed on. I’ll let you know if I’ll be wearing it.

Good news: I lost weight. I lost almost 2lbs which made me terribly excited – until I realised that from avant-le-beouf, it’s only ½ lb. Which is less impressive but still heading (s-l-o-w-l-y) in the right direction. Only 2 ½ lbs to go until I’ve lost my Christmas weight. It’s pathetic isn’t it? Really one of those not sure whether to laugh or cry situations.