It was a bit of a roller-coaster of a weekend. It started with me trying on this dress:
I love it but it was too small. Or I did. I went in to see P to see if he could do me up. He couldn’t.
“It’s a shame” I said lightly, “It’s a pretty dress, isn’t it?”
There was one of those awful pauses.
“It doesn’t do you justice” he said slowly “It makes you look....broad”
Blatant avoidance of the F word there. And it was a RHETORICAL QUESTION.
And with those words (the ones spoken and the ones not) I was thrown into a complete crisis about everything I wear. Now, I don’t love very much of what I own – I buy most of my clothes from ebay and I’m grateful that they cover and conceal. But of course I would like to feel great – I’m just never sure that’s possible, given the raw materials. In this instance, I had bought quite an expensive dress for a party at the end of the month because I wanted to feel fabulous. Feeling “broad” does unequivocally not equate with fabulous. But you knew that, right?
It led to a rather heated conversation, okay, row, the following day. And me scanning the Gok Wan books to try and work out what would suit me. I have always thought I was an hourglass (okay a short, fat one) because I have a, erm, substantial bust, depressingly large hips but I have a disproportionately small waist. So I wear full skirts or a-lines. But P reckons I look better in a pencil style skirt (I don’t actually own one, but still). I did try a relatively gentle fishtail wedding dress on – it was not pretty. That is, it was pretty, I was not.
From the book I narrowed it down to 3 bodyshapes: hourglass, pear or bum-heavy (can’t remember what slightly nauseating term he used). I ended up very confused. I seem to have too much bust for a pear or over-arsed. And I don’t have tiny shoulders like my mum – she’s clearly a pear. If I were all about the bum, then a tulip/pencil skirt should look best (tying in with P’s perception). If I were a pear, then an a-line, if I were an hourglass, a very full skirt. But that’s what the dress has, and also what my denim skirt is like and P (and others) hate that and claim it’s very unflattering. And when I went and got my wedding dress, the genius fairy godmother said something along the lines that there was a temptation to show off my small waist but it actually threw my proportions out – my dress has a very gentle a-line, almost like the offspring of an a-line and a straight skirt.
So now I need to find a dress to wear the weekend after next that will suit me and look good – and I don’t have the FOGGIEST what to look for. I tried a personal shopping appointment in Debenhams but you have to take a day off (which I can’t do). I have one evening this week in which to pull this off and no Plan B.