Getting a grip

I have rather gone off the rails over the (long) weekend. I would say that my eating from Thursday to yesterday was less than impressive. It wasn’t awful and certainly didn’t compare to one of my sugar fest blow-outs but I didn’t make careful choices and consequently ate a load of junk and carbs. Why? Well, it’s something I’ve been mulling over. Is it that after a loss on Friday, I got nervous because I knew I couldn’t sustain that and would in all likelihood see a gain this week, whatever I did? Especially since I’ve got a B-I-G meal on Thursday night and my period is due? Is it that my current weight is 2lbs away from dropping into the next stone bracket (down!) and that is a milestone I’m anxious to achieve – and scared that I’ll be going in the other direction (so near, and yet so far!)? Is it actually because the pressure has ramped up even more at work which always sends me bucketing sugar-wards? Or is it – as Naughty R once said to me - actually because I am “just fucking greedy”?!

I don’t know – it could be all or none of those reasons in truth. But with a birthday party in less than 2 months, a summer holiday in c 3 months and a wedding in, er, two and a half years(!), I have to keep focussed and stick with the programme. I’m getting a bit of help to tweak aforesaid programme too, btw. I’m still doing that thing that I suspect all people (women?) who want to lose weight do: ‘if I lose 2lbs a month then I’ll be X for Y occasion.... Right, but if I lose 4lbs a month then I’ll be Z for Y occasion.... Right, but if I could manage to lose 7lbs then...’ Then, that would be fairyland, dear Reader! I can only do what my sluggardly body will allow but I’m not helping myself with extra noshing on crisps, haribo, wine, chocolate (albeit the dark stuff) or bread. So, that’s stopped sharpish. And I’m going to weigh myself on Thursday this week – before the B-I-G meal. I suspect I will still be up on my dehydrated state of last week but why make it worse for myself? Then I’ll keep the faith until Friday 2 July and perhaps aim to get underneath that pesky stone barrier then. Keeping calm and carrying on.... (Honest)

Weekend was mixed – it was lovely to get down (up? Across?) to Suffolk but the weather was freezing. I met friends for dinner on Saturday night with a ginormous fleece on top of my outfit, I was so cold. E had a fleece on too! BNF toughed it out and looked like a normal person with 2 weirdo girls (and one of their husbands), whereas we actually know it’s the other way round! Ha! We spent most of Saturday trying to find and then fit a new wiper blade to the car – surely a task that must feature in the torments of the rings of hell. We had to keep stopping because of the rain even to buy the sodding thing. It’s not on properly even now and we kept expecting it to ping across the road – I think it’s held on with a mixture of hope, perspiration and frustration.

Sunday was my most chaotic day of eating – basically because I had a random day and no food so ended up grabbing stuff when I was desperate (never a shrewd strategy when that food is a white cheesy-bread roll – a gazillion calories, I imagine, and utterly no satiating qualities at all, but damn quick into the blood stream). As BNF said – and I’m not impressed by this AT ALL – I have a long way to go to lose the weight I want for the wedding (he did say he has too). I’m most particularly not impressed by this since he said it after an afternoon in the pub with his family where he drank 4 pints and I had 2 mineral waters. Just because he walked up the stairs and I got the lift! Admittedly I’d just scarfed most of a cheesy-bread roll (not the stale crusty bits around the edge, a girl’s got some standards!) admittedly whilst he looked on, slightly pained and superior. And beery.