Of decompression

It’s always one step forward and two back, isn’t it? Or maybe that’s just how it feels. After accepting that my jeans were just too baggy to be actually comfortable, I swopped for the rather tighter smaller pair. Even the physical discomfort of that was somehow rather pleasing though – a constant reminder that I was making progress I guess. Then I bought (from ebay) two more pairs by the same designer, a wide legged pair and another pair of bootcuts with different pocket detailing – and neither of them fit. The wide legged ones would – were I to lie on the bed and heave them together (assuming I have the strength for that) – cut me in half I suspect. It’s depressing; I clearly am not a size smaller in jeans after all.

And I’ve begun re-introducing my lingerie. The nude set fit and was fine, buoyed up by this, I tried the cream set. OW – I think I lasted about 7-8 hours before the cutting in became just too painful to bear. I tried the chocolate set yesterday and again, the welts left on the side of my boobs meant that I didn’t dare risk proper lingerie again today for fear of cutting off my own blood supply (decompression #1). Which would presumably turn my boobs blue and cause them to drop off. Which I guess would mean a weight loss for sure on my next encounter with Scales of Doom but made me realise that I didn’t want a loss at any price. I’m back in my crappy (slightly fraying), ugly M&S bra and non-matching knickers today, sigh.

In fact, SoD had jolly well better give me a positive report this week. I ran on Sunday, cycled yesterday and today - first time this year that I’ve done this on two consecutive days – I am wondering if the point that my nether regions palpably decompress after a thorough cycling squishing will be more delayed the more frequently I cycle (decompression #2)! I am also planning on running tomorrow and Friday and cycling on Thursday. No wonder I feel so tired. Except when I get to bed and then I can’t sleep – or I have nightmares. All the more annoying when I could easily sleep on my desk right now.

Sunday saw revised plans which didn’t include a cream tea (good) or a long walk (bad). Although trying to chose a healthy lunch was still nigh on impossible when the choice was cheesy paninis, goats cheese tart with roast potatoes or jacket potatoes (bearing in mind I try to keep carbs to a minimum and low GI carbs to an almost never). I had a bowl of rather lack lustre tomato soup which came with a hunk of granary bread which I did eat with butter and ¾ piece of ginger cake with lemon icing – nowhere near as good as mine. I do like to know the menu in advance so I don’t panic, freak out and choose something daft. I probably should have had the spud, never mind that it’s super high GI. Oh, I don’t know. The cake was a waste of calories, that I do know.

I’m extra glad I dragged myself out to run that morning though. I nearly freaked out when podcast-guy calmly said the running schedule included a 3 min interval – I mean, last week was 90 secs, isn’t that a rather big jump? I managed it but the second (and final) 3 mins was definitely a triumph of mind over matter. Week 4 is filling me with fear already – I don’t know if I’m better off not knowing what’s coming. Hang on....FREAK OUT – IT’S 5 MINS NEXT WEEK. Argghhhh. I don’t know if I can do that, I really don’t. And if he starts by saying (again) that it’s an easy progression, I may have to kill someone. If the run doesn’t finish me off first of course.

EDIT:
Gaaah - I refer you to one step forward, two back comment above. Was feeling smug that I resisted Krispy Kremes yesterday (don't actually like them but that wouldn't stop me eating them), but just ate TWO (very, very small) scones with cream and jam. Think the fact that I forewent 2 Ryvitas with extra low fat Laughing Cow cheese and a Muller Lite probably doesn't actually even up the calorie stakes.