May day, may day

Not really any significant emergencies here, just couldn't resist the pun!

Actually I ate off plan for the whole weekend and whilst there were no proper, full-on sugar binges, I know I ate too much. I didn't enter it on Food Focus as it would be too difficult to quantify and I haven't weighed myself out of cowardice. We go away on holiday (just a week's walking in Cornwall) a week on Friday and the little demon in my head is urging me to relax until I get back from holiday, given that it's only 10 days til I go and what can I achieve in that time? Well, I can achieve putting a load of weight on, that's what I can achieve. I know this, it's all too (terrifyingly) easy for me to do this. So today I'm back to calorie counting, cycling and hunger. I know that next weekend I won't be dieting but it doesn't mean I can't stick to the straight and narrow during the week.

Confessions - this weekend I had wine, I had chocolate, I had pudding (one of which I didn't like and wished I'd not bothered with), I had bread and cheese. We went to a Farmers' Market in Kent on Saturday and bought tarts, bread and cheese for lunch, then had a BBQ at my mother's. I did do a hilly hour and a half's walk that day. Sunday we went for an extremely hilly - and chilly - four hour walk. I had a pizza for lunch which was the least bad option I could spot on the menu. I forewent (?) the starter of calamari I really wanted and afterwards thought I should have had that and a side salad as a main instead - it would have been what I wanted and probably a lower calorie choice. Then we had asparagus (with hollandaise) and bread and cheese (and wine) and a creme brulee for pudding. Monday I had been intending to do a 2 hour cycle ride but it was just too cold and drizzly. I had some edamame bean salad and a pack of Marmite crips for lunch with a piece of baklava and some honeyed macadamias. And 2 mini drifters. And then we had more asparagus for dinner, then I had a avocado with half a dressed crab. And wine. And a meringue nest with raspberries and (quite alot of) cream. Writing it makes me realise just how much damage I must have done. The battle is not to let that derail me entirely. It feels like when I've misjudged something on my bike and have gone a bit wobbly.

Next weekend we're going to Brogdale - national orchards in Kent - and I know we'll buy produce (and not just fruit). Apparently their cake is 8" deep.... Then we're taking bf's parents out for lunch on Sunday for his mum's birthday.

Until then, I can stick to my c1200 calories a day and cycle as often as possible (hope for 3 x this week). Next week I probably won't be able to cycle at all which makes me anxious. I have a long day out of the office on Monday, then Tuesday I'm going to my mother's and Wednesday I'm coming in from her house. Thursday I have a half day so I guess that's a possibility. Then home to pack!

I know I'll eat well but not wisely on holiday. I'm kind of okay with that but I'm determined not to do my usual of sneaking extra chocolate bars and bags of sweets too. I won't be having my usual seeds etc for breakfast, I'm sure we'll have wine most days and a fairly substantial meal and either lunch or a cream tea. We'll be doing at least 4 days' walking (weather permitting) and will be pretty active even on other days (visiting gardens, doing shorter walks etc) but not enough to offset the food! We're also finishing up at Jamie Oliver's Fifteen in Newquay for bf's birthday present so that's unlikely to be a low cal choice either. And we're starting with a visit to Heston Blumenthal's Little Chef on the way down.

My life shouldn't be just about food but it somehow seems to be.