Back from 10 days away. Initially a weekend with my brother in Cheshire and then just over a week in his ENORMOUS caravan in N Wales. Labs had a wonderful time - long walks every day and Lily (chocolate bruiser) swam every day (irrespective of screamed instructions from us) and Cheska (silly beagle in a Labrador suit) paddled in a wussy manner. We got her to swim on the last day so hopefully she'll be keener next time - we can't have a Lab who doesn't swim! Wales was very pretty - sort of a cross between Cornwall and Scotland - and we had fabulous weather for most of the week. The walking was lovely as long as we ignored all the no dogs on beach signs - the beaches were completely deserted anyway and we would always clear up after the dogs.
My attempts to resist carbs fell at the first hurdle. The night we got there (my mum, her 2 Labs and me) they got in a Chinese - and even the spare ribs were battered! I ate very sparingly and sensibly. Then for breakfast was offered the choice of buttermilk pancakes, croissants or chocolate brioche! I know that Marissa says we should be okay to say we don't eat things - like a vegetarian - BUT I don't think it's like being a vegetarian, I'm just picky about what I eat. I don't want to be one of those people who are a nightmare to cater for. There are times when I will have to give in with good grace and this was one. Have to say I REALLY enjoyed the buttermilk pancakes but was very hungry again a few hours later. And this was how the week went (as I fell spectacularly from the carb-free wagon) - if I had a carby breakfast (principally Welsh cakes!) I was starving by 11am. If I had scrambled eggs or mock oatmeal (no oatmeal included obviously) I was fine to have our picnic lunch at 2.30pm after at least a couple of hours of walking. It really made me realise that for me at least, the low carb thing does work - at least in terms of regulating my blood sugar and (physical) appetite. Jury's still out on the weight loss thing.
What I have to guard against though, is the 'all-or-nothing' mentality. Having had to have carbs at my brother's, I should then have returned to the pink path of virtue. Instead, I saw it as carte blanche to have chocolate (most days), cake (most days), Welsh cakes (often), potato (3 times), fruit (every day), ice creams (several times), sweets (most days), bread (twice), fish and chips (once), pasta (twice) and chocolate milk (once). Consequently I have put on 6lbs. Arggghhhhhh. Had optimistically hoped that walking for most of the day would offset it (last year I lost 4lbs!).
Not quite sure where this leaves me, hypnosis-wise either. I took the disc to listen to in bed before I fell asleep but it was faulty and wouldn't play. Would it have made a difference? I don't know.
So today - after barely sleeping last night but listening to the generic Marissa CD (not the one of my session) - I dragged myself out of bed for a run. Given that it's been less than a fortnight since I last ran, and that I've hardly been inactive in the interim, I was pretty shocked at just how hard it was. My lungs are still feeling bruised.
Had a small and almost acceptible amount of dark chocolate this lunchtime (in mourning for the +6lb diet) and I was indifferent to the taste - something Marissa said would happen. I just have to stop myself wanting it in the first place. And generally wanting to eat even when I'm not hungry. Hopefully the CD will help with this. Although b/f was thrashing about in a seemingly irate manner last night in bed whilst I was listening so I suspect listening to it in bed before I go to sleep is not an option. I did say to him to let me know if it disturbed him but I found it difficult to relax whilst I was worrying about this. May have to de-camp to the sofa but it's not exactly friendly behaviour.
Got to get this 6lbs off and then the next 1/2st which will take me to my lowest weight. Then another 1/2 to get under the next stone bracket down. Sounds easy? No! But I'm going to give it a good shot....
Wednesday, 21 May 2008
Tuesday, 6 May 2008
Down and under
My weight is finally starting to shift downwards. This is just as well as I had put on 10lbs since I started IPD - and was a further 2lbs up on my lowest ever weight. I'm still 6lbs up, mind you, but I'm hoping this is the start of a (downwards) trend. I had put on two lots of 3lbs on on sugar-fests - the team building day and shortly thereafter. The second time I actually quite scared myself (not enough to put down the biscuit you understand) as I had about 8 biscuits and a 100g bar of dark chocolate and got heart palpitations. I don't even like dark chocolate and had bought it as a) it's semi allowed and b) since I didn't like it I wouldn't scarf the lot. Wrongggggggg. That was over a week ago now and there have been no "incidents" since then. Although I think I have yet to be put sorely to the test (more of this later).
And still running - now on 3 mins run, 2 mins walk for 35 mins. Hard work. I don't think I'm ever going to enjoy running but I grimly hang in there and wait for the weight to drop off and my legs to be less chunky.
It was with some relief and a sense of desparation that I went for my appointment with Marissa Peer on Friday. It wasn't at all what I was expecting. She did that thing that I've always thought of as utter baloney where you hold your arm out with a clenched fist and a variety of food in your other hand and you have your arm pushed down to see how strong it is and therefore how your body is weakened by said food. Now I'm bloody minded and I was determined to keep my arm up - at all times but especially with chocolate - but down it went. I was okay with flour stuff - bread and pasta, not great on dairy but significantly appalling on sweets and even more so on chocolate. Bizarre. Marissa explained it by saying that the small quantities going in to my skin and the particles entering my nose were enough to have a reaction. And there was a reaction all right. My arm really ached the next day from my determination to keep it up. And Marissa is an ethereal looking blonde - I very much doubt she's stronger than me. Then after lots of questions about food, my childhood etc I had the hypnosis. She got me to come up with scenes from my past that explained my sugar addiction. I was panicked that I wouldn't be able to but I did. It was actually rather traumatic and I did get quite upset but it does make sense. In a nutshell, my father was an out and out bully and a control freak - probably still is but I'm glad to say I haven't seen him for 3 years - and was particularly controlling about sweets and chocolate. I never felt 'normal' as a child because of this and never got to enjoy sweet stuff without either eating it behind his back or in a very controlled fashion. So my obsession is partly rebellion about those early experiences - fed by being on an almost permanent diet since the age of 14 whereby eating it meant guilt in any case. Hence the cycle of gorging with recriminations and self-loathing and then periods of denial but constant preoccupation. I can't remember all of the hypnosis part - and it's long and rather painful in any case - but in essence I have to tell myself that I can have whatever I want, and as much of it, but that I also want to be slimmer. So far, this makes sense but as I say, we haven't had a big smack table since then - I've resisted sweets today but didn't like the cake in any case! She will send me a CD of what she said which I have to listen to every night to reinforce it. Not sure how to position this with bf. He doesn't know I went and would be appalled - because of the money.
At the end of the week I'm away for 10 days with my mother - walking in Wales with the labradors. This will test my virtue up to a point - and I am intending some treats - but also make it easier to intensively listen to the CD which will be good. Also looking foward to walking every day - hope the weather stays like this! Last year I ate what I wanted and STILL lost 4lbs but I do want to build on the concept of not having to dive headfirst into the nearest vat of sugar, inhaling madly. Marissa says my addiction is psychological, not physical - wonder if that's better or worse?
And still running - now on 3 mins run, 2 mins walk for 35 mins. Hard work. I don't think I'm ever going to enjoy running but I grimly hang in there and wait for the weight to drop off and my legs to be less chunky.
It was with some relief and a sense of desparation that I went for my appointment with Marissa Peer on Friday. It wasn't at all what I was expecting. She did that thing that I've always thought of as utter baloney where you hold your arm out with a clenched fist and a variety of food in your other hand and you have your arm pushed down to see how strong it is and therefore how your body is weakened by said food. Now I'm bloody minded and I was determined to keep my arm up - at all times but especially with chocolate - but down it went. I was okay with flour stuff - bread and pasta, not great on dairy but significantly appalling on sweets and even more so on chocolate. Bizarre. Marissa explained it by saying that the small quantities going in to my skin and the particles entering my nose were enough to have a reaction. And there was a reaction all right. My arm really ached the next day from my determination to keep it up. And Marissa is an ethereal looking blonde - I very much doubt she's stronger than me. Then after lots of questions about food, my childhood etc I had the hypnosis. She got me to come up with scenes from my past that explained my sugar addiction. I was panicked that I wouldn't be able to but I did. It was actually rather traumatic and I did get quite upset but it does make sense. In a nutshell, my father was an out and out bully and a control freak - probably still is but I'm glad to say I haven't seen him for 3 years - and was particularly controlling about sweets and chocolate. I never felt 'normal' as a child because of this and never got to enjoy sweet stuff without either eating it behind his back or in a very controlled fashion. So my obsession is partly rebellion about those early experiences - fed by being on an almost permanent diet since the age of 14 whereby eating it meant guilt in any case. Hence the cycle of gorging with recriminations and self-loathing and then periods of denial but constant preoccupation. I can't remember all of the hypnosis part - and it's long and rather painful in any case - but in essence I have to tell myself that I can have whatever I want, and as much of it, but that I also want to be slimmer. So far, this makes sense but as I say, we haven't had a big smack table since then - I've resisted sweets today but didn't like the cake in any case! She will send me a CD of what she said which I have to listen to every night to reinforce it. Not sure how to position this with bf. He doesn't know I went and would be appalled - because of the money.
At the end of the week I'm away for 10 days with my mother - walking in Wales with the labradors. This will test my virtue up to a point - and I am intending some treats - but also make it easier to intensively listen to the CD which will be good. Also looking foward to walking every day - hope the weather stays like this! Last year I ate what I wanted and STILL lost 4lbs but I do want to build on the concept of not having to dive headfirst into the nearest vat of sugar, inhaling madly. Marissa says my addiction is psychological, not physical - wonder if that's better or worse?
Wednesday, 23 April 2008
Day 63 - sigh
Well I've not done very well at all. Or - typically - I've mostly done very well and then ruined it spectacularly at the last moment, thereby spoiling all and any good work.
Last Thursday we had a team "awayday" lead by 'fun and wacky' facilitators who were like children's TV presenters on speed. But worse. They had titles like "innovator" and "inventor" rather than "receptionist" or, more accurately, "twat". There were sections on the agenda they'd called "wees and teas" - I kid you not. Are you surprised that I fell face down into the vat of chocolate they provided? I had a sugar frenzy in the afternoon and by evening I felt very ill and shaky. But that didn't stop me having a load of chocolate from the crack table the very next day.
Strangely, when I got on the scales on Monday and discovered that I was almost 7lbs up from where I had started, I had a moment of "why, WHY?" before I remembered exactly why. It was probably 'only' another 3lbs from the previous week but seeing that half stone was a chilling experience. Then I had 6 chocolate macadamias at work that day. Yesterday was a good day and I was utterly IPD pure. Today I've had a small bar of dark chocolate - not my chocolate of choice but what IPD recommends (if you're willing to lose less weight or are within a stone of your target and I am clearly neither). There's a reason for that too....
On my run this morning (yes, I'm still slogging away at it) bf came with me. He didn't come on the last run (Monday) as his calf is still hurting and more so when he tried to run on last Saturday with me. So on the second run his calf was obviously getting painful again so he snapped at me and told me to go on (I did). Then back at home his calf became increasingly painful and he became increasingly tetchy. I did ask him whether it actually made his calf feel better for biting my head off but just got more crossness in return - apparently the fact he's in pain makes his behaviour totally normal. And I was "hanging around being irritating". Hmmmm. And although I emailed him some advice from my friend here who used to be a nurse, he's not seen fit to reply or to text or email or anything to apologise for his behaviour. Hence the chocolate.
It's not a good thing that I react to food (chocolate) this way. I wish I were one of those girls who can't eat when I'm upset - I'm quite sure that if that were the case I'd never have had a weight problem. I'm supposed to be seeing the hypnotherapist next Friday - but I didn't send a deposit because I just don't have the money so I'm just hoping I have still got the appointment. And hoping even more that it's the answer to all this.
Last Thursday we had a team "awayday" lead by 'fun and wacky' facilitators who were like children's TV presenters on speed. But worse. They had titles like "innovator" and "inventor" rather than "receptionist" or, more accurately, "twat". There were sections on the agenda they'd called "wees and teas" - I kid you not. Are you surprised that I fell face down into the vat of chocolate they provided? I had a sugar frenzy in the afternoon and by evening I felt very ill and shaky. But that didn't stop me having a load of chocolate from the crack table the very next day.
Strangely, when I got on the scales on Monday and discovered that I was almost 7lbs up from where I had started, I had a moment of "why, WHY?" before I remembered exactly why. It was probably 'only' another 3lbs from the previous week but seeing that half stone was a chilling experience. Then I had 6 chocolate macadamias at work that day. Yesterday was a good day and I was utterly IPD pure. Today I've had a small bar of dark chocolate - not my chocolate of choice but what IPD recommends (if you're willing to lose less weight or are within a stone of your target and I am clearly neither). There's a reason for that too....
On my run this morning (yes, I'm still slogging away at it) bf came with me. He didn't come on the last run (Monday) as his calf is still hurting and more so when he tried to run on last Saturday with me. So on the second run his calf was obviously getting painful again so he snapped at me and told me to go on (I did). Then back at home his calf became increasingly painful and he became increasingly tetchy. I did ask him whether it actually made his calf feel better for biting my head off but just got more crossness in return - apparently the fact he's in pain makes his behaviour totally normal. And I was "hanging around being irritating". Hmmmm. And although I emailed him some advice from my friend here who used to be a nurse, he's not seen fit to reply or to text or email or anything to apologise for his behaviour. Hence the chocolate.
It's not a good thing that I react to food (chocolate) this way. I wish I were one of those girls who can't eat when I'm upset - I'm quite sure that if that were the case I'd never have had a weight problem. I'm supposed to be seeing the hypnotherapist next Friday - but I didn't send a deposit because I just don't have the money so I'm just hoping I have still got the appointment. And hoping even more that it's the answer to all this.
Monday, 14 April 2008
Day 54 - update
I know usually when I say I haven't got much to say I then go on for reams and reams of text. Don't think that will be the case today.
Still running - have now done 3 runs of 2 mins walking, 2 mins running for 28 mins. It's still really tough, it still makes my head pound and my legs like jelly. My lungs may feel fractionally less raw but not enough to feel as if I'm making any progress. We're repeating week 6 this week (see above) as b/f hasn't been able to run properly after hurting his calf. Until he was temporarily crippled he found the 2 mins easy enough though - curse him. So it gives him the chance to do the week properly and hopefully gives me the chance to catch up a bit.
My colleague who started me off on the running thing did the Marathon yesterday - she is crippled and hated it! But she's - rightly - proud of herself for doing it, and in under 5 hours. 2 mins seems impossible, 5 hours seems unimaginable. Not that that is what I'm aiming at anyway.
Have been 75% good on food. But I agonise over the odd bit of chocolate that finds its way into my greedy gob. Thursday and Friday last week I had some semi-legit G&B Maya Gold - semi-legit as you're allowed it if you're prepared to lose weight more slowly (I'm not) and/or are close to your goal (I'm not).
Then we had friends for lunch on Sunday. I did asparagus and rocket salad for starter, roast fennel rubbed pork with chilli tomato braised fennel, celeriac, stilton and walnut gratin, roast potatoes, stuffing (b/f did these last two), cheeses and grapes and then a chocolate hazelnut mousse made without sugar - just dark chocolate, hazelnuts and eggs. Of this I managed to stay off the potatoes and stuffing but ate alot of grapes, a small mousse (it was very successful and okay-ish from an IPD perspective (no sugar) and very sophisticated which is not me at all). I troughed the rest of the chocolate left over from the mousse when I made it on Saturday. I was very restrained on the alcohol too. So, a mixed report but of course I'm beating myself up for not being perfect - and this has meant I have eaten a small amount of milk nut chocolate today (2 lines) and that's even worse.
Although we went for lunch to Pizza Express today and I managed not to eat the dough sticks that came with my salad (although I really, really wanted to). And I made a colleague a loaf of Marmite bread (to thank her for a shoulder massage) and I really wanted that too (but didn't).
Life seems all about denial which is very depressing. I need to try and think more positively - about choice for example. But my choice would be to eat chocolate and sweet stuff generally. And also to lose weight. Sadly I'm doing neither at the moment. I've not dared weigh myself since our lunch party (I didn't eat for the rest of the day of course) but I had lost 2lbs in the week. That means I'm still +3lbs over where I was when I started this diet. Not very impressive.
Still running - have now done 3 runs of 2 mins walking, 2 mins running for 28 mins. It's still really tough, it still makes my head pound and my legs like jelly. My lungs may feel fractionally less raw but not enough to feel as if I'm making any progress. We're repeating week 6 this week (see above) as b/f hasn't been able to run properly after hurting his calf. Until he was temporarily crippled he found the 2 mins easy enough though - curse him. So it gives him the chance to do the week properly and hopefully gives me the chance to catch up a bit.
My colleague who started me off on the running thing did the Marathon yesterday - she is crippled and hated it! But she's - rightly - proud of herself for doing it, and in under 5 hours. 2 mins seems impossible, 5 hours seems unimaginable. Not that that is what I'm aiming at anyway.
Have been 75% good on food. But I agonise over the odd bit of chocolate that finds its way into my greedy gob. Thursday and Friday last week I had some semi-legit G&B Maya Gold - semi-legit as you're allowed it if you're prepared to lose weight more slowly (I'm not) and/or are close to your goal (I'm not).
Then we had friends for lunch on Sunday. I did asparagus and rocket salad for starter, roast fennel rubbed pork with chilli tomato braised fennel, celeriac, stilton and walnut gratin, roast potatoes, stuffing (b/f did these last two), cheeses and grapes and then a chocolate hazelnut mousse made without sugar - just dark chocolate, hazelnuts and eggs. Of this I managed to stay off the potatoes and stuffing but ate alot of grapes, a small mousse (it was very successful and okay-ish from an IPD perspective (no sugar) and very sophisticated which is not me at all). I troughed the rest of the chocolate left over from the mousse when I made it on Saturday. I was very restrained on the alcohol too. So, a mixed report but of course I'm beating myself up for not being perfect - and this has meant I have eaten a small amount of milk nut chocolate today (2 lines) and that's even worse.
Although we went for lunch to Pizza Express today and I managed not to eat the dough sticks that came with my salad (although I really, really wanted to). And I made a colleague a loaf of Marmite bread (to thank her for a shoulder massage) and I really wanted that too (but didn't).
Life seems all about denial which is very depressing. I need to try and think more positively - about choice for example. But my choice would be to eat chocolate and sweet stuff generally. And also to lose weight. Sadly I'm doing neither at the moment. I've not dared weigh myself since our lunch party (I didn't eat for the rest of the day of course) but I had lost 2lbs in the week. That means I'm still +3lbs over where I was when I started this diet. Not very impressive.
Tuesday, 8 April 2008
Day 48 - update
Well since Thursday I've been exemplary - stuck to the IPD like glue. Until today when I had 7 M&Ms and 2 Maltesers. Not a disaster in the grand scheme of things but this diet seems to be such a fine chemical balancing act that that could be enough to stop me losing weight this week. And I had lost 2-3lbs since Thursday too, sigh. Now of course I desparately want to indulge in my "oh sod it, I've blown it" feelings and have a millionaire's shortbread - I love them. All this is on our smack table of course (amongst other sugary temptations).
And I measured myself this morning and I've not lost an inch since I started this diet - so it's not that I'm losing mass by building muscle and losing fat. Happy though that thought was.
Sometimes I wonder why I'm torturing myself so much. I'm still 4st down and - clothed at any rate - I don't think I look too bad. I'm so focussed on what is supposed to be my goal weight and stressed that I'm not speeding along there and yet I'm not utterly convinced I'd want to be there - I'd be happy as a 12-14 (I'm a 14-16 at the moment), I have no desire to be that "perfect 10".
Given that I'm running and I think I do feel firmer/more toned I am perplexed that I'm not losing inches. It was so hard last night that I really expected to get on the scales today and see them plummit.
Yes, yesterday was the first of the 2 min interval runs. HOW can a measly 2 mins be so, so hard???? My legs were like jelly, my lungs felt raw and my head was pounding - and that was after the first 2 mins, you can imagine my state after the 7th. I did do it but I'm not sure I can carry on with this - it's just so hard. B/f hurt his leg on the second run so I was on my own - he's going to be out of action for at least a week. Bless him though, he's still volunteered to come out with me in the mornings whilst I run (this is at 6.10am in the week!) and hobble round and encourage me. I'll probably do my utmost to carry on with this - 2 mins running, 2 mins walking for 28 mins - until b/f can join in again. So I might end up doing it for 2 weeks but I think that would be better to help my adjust. Otherwise I think I'll have to do 1 min running, 1 min walking for a week, building up to 2 mins again. B/f kept looking at me and warning me not to overdo it but I was determined to keep going - not convinced that was the best tactic though. It's quite dispiriting.
And I measured myself this morning and I've not lost an inch since I started this diet - so it's not that I'm losing mass by building muscle and losing fat. Happy though that thought was.
Sometimes I wonder why I'm torturing myself so much. I'm still 4st down and - clothed at any rate - I don't think I look too bad. I'm so focussed on what is supposed to be my goal weight and stressed that I'm not speeding along there and yet I'm not utterly convinced I'd want to be there - I'd be happy as a 12-14 (I'm a 14-16 at the moment), I have no desire to be that "perfect 10".
Given that I'm running and I think I do feel firmer/more toned I am perplexed that I'm not losing inches. It was so hard last night that I really expected to get on the scales today and see them plummit.
Yes, yesterday was the first of the 2 min interval runs. HOW can a measly 2 mins be so, so hard???? My legs were like jelly, my lungs felt raw and my head was pounding - and that was after the first 2 mins, you can imagine my state after the 7th. I did do it but I'm not sure I can carry on with this - it's just so hard. B/f hurt his leg on the second run so I was on my own - he's going to be out of action for at least a week. Bless him though, he's still volunteered to come out with me in the mornings whilst I run (this is at 6.10am in the week!) and hobble round and encourage me. I'll probably do my utmost to carry on with this - 2 mins running, 2 mins walking for 28 mins - until b/f can join in again. So I might end up doing it for 2 weeks but I think that would be better to help my adjust. Otherwise I think I'll have to do 1 min running, 1 min walking for a week, building up to 2 mins again. B/f kept looking at me and warning me not to overdo it but I was determined to keep going - not convinced that was the best tactic though. It's quite dispiriting.
Friday, 4 April 2008
Day 45 - durrrrrr
Durrrr is for me. Having been so upset that I'd put on 6lbs, what did I do? Yes, I ate sugar. A Millie's cookie (never actually only bought one before!) and some chocolate from Hotel de Chocolat (not my favourite Extra Light Belgian which I've not been able to get for ages but milk coconut - lovely but still not extra light). I would have liked to have gone much, much more mad so this was restrained for me but still, clearly, idiocy.
So today I am being rigidly anal about it all and am not allowing anything sweet to pass my lips. I have already been sorely tried by someone putting one of those delicious red ball Lindor chocolates on my desk. And my friend V has bought me a yummy looking salad for lunch with new potato salad in (and salmon and leaves) so I'll have to pick the potato out. I haven't caved yet but the day is yet young and Friday usually brings a frenzy of sugar to the bird table. My plan is to adhere rigidly to the diet, see what I weigh on Monday week (14th) and make a decision then.
So today I am being rigidly anal about it all and am not allowing anything sweet to pass my lips. I have already been sorely tried by someone putting one of those delicious red ball Lindor chocolates on my desk. And my friend V has bought me a yummy looking salad for lunch with new potato salad in (and salmon and leaves) so I'll have to pick the potato out. I haven't caved yet but the day is yet young and Friday usually brings a frenzy of sugar to the bird table. My plan is to adhere rigidly to the diet, see what I weigh on Monday week (14th) and make a decision then.
Wednesday, 2 April 2008
Day 43 - crunch time
So, six weeks into this diet and I have lost - zilch. In fact, I have put ON 6lbs in total. Even with the running. That is scary. I'm really very anxious. So, now I will do one week perfectly as I confess that I've had one biscuit, 2 After Eights and 5 chocolate coffee beans this week (another 3lbs in weight? Surely not) and if I don't lose at least 3lbs then I will have to stop this diet I think - I can't think what else to do.
Problem is is that I don't have a Plan B. I hate not having a Plan B. I could do another 3-4 weeks of CD in between having friends over for lunch next weekend and going for a week's walking holiday with my mother and her Labs in the second week in May. But I don't know if I could bear too. If I were guaranteed to lose a stone in that time it would be easier but I'm such a low loser that it's more likely to be 7-10lbs - for alot of misery.
I'm upset and scared. It's one thing (not good I know) to get to your goal weight and then battle with keeping it off like Lesley and Mrs (although I know she was a pound or so off her goal) and god knows that must be soul destroying but really I'm only half way there and it's going back on. I'll just have to hope a perfect week will have the desired effect. This diet - although hard because of my sugar addiction - made sense to me and it leaves me feeling slightly bereft. I don't know what to do or where to turn.
To compound my stress, work forgot to pay us our overtime this month - so I'm £200-300 down this month and was hanging on from last month to try and sort myself out a bit this month. Work are metaphorically shrugging their shoulders and saying "oh well, it will be a good month next month". Can you tell that senior managers don't get overtime?
Problem is is that I don't have a Plan B. I hate not having a Plan B. I could do another 3-4 weeks of CD in between having friends over for lunch next weekend and going for a week's walking holiday with my mother and her Labs in the second week in May. But I don't know if I could bear too. If I were guaranteed to lose a stone in that time it would be easier but I'm such a low loser that it's more likely to be 7-10lbs - for alot of misery.
I'm upset and scared. It's one thing (not good I know) to get to your goal weight and then battle with keeping it off like Lesley and Mrs (although I know she was a pound or so off her goal) and god knows that must be soul destroying but really I'm only half way there and it's going back on. I'll just have to hope a perfect week will have the desired effect. This diet - although hard because of my sugar addiction - made sense to me and it leaves me feeling slightly bereft. I don't know what to do or where to turn.
To compound my stress, work forgot to pay us our overtime this month - so I'm £200-300 down this month and was hanging on from last month to try and sort myself out a bit this month. Work are metaphorically shrugging their shoulders and saying "oh well, it will be a good month next month". Can you tell that senior managers don't get overtime?
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