Wednesday, 23 April 2008

Day 63 - sigh

Well I've not done very well at all. Or - typically - I've mostly done very well and then ruined it spectacularly at the last moment, thereby spoiling all and any good work.

Last Thursday we had a team "awayday" lead by 'fun and wacky' facilitators who were like children's TV presenters on speed. But worse. They had titles like "innovator" and "inventor" rather than "receptionist" or, more accurately, "twat". There were sections on the agenda they'd called "wees and teas" - I kid you not. Are you surprised that I fell face down into the vat of chocolate they provided? I had a sugar frenzy in the afternoon and by evening I felt very ill and shaky. But that didn't stop me having a load of chocolate from the crack table the very next day.

Strangely, when I got on the scales on Monday and discovered that I was almost 7lbs up from where I had started, I had a moment of "why, WHY?" before I remembered exactly why. It was probably 'only' another 3lbs from the previous week but seeing that half stone was a chilling experience. Then I had 6 chocolate macadamias at work that day. Yesterday was a good day and I was utterly IPD pure. Today I've had a small bar of dark chocolate - not my chocolate of choice but what IPD recommends (if you're willing to lose less weight or are within a stone of your target and I am clearly neither). There's a reason for that too....

On my run this morning (yes, I'm still slogging away at it) bf came with me. He didn't come on the last run (Monday) as his calf is still hurting and more so when he tried to run on last Saturday with me. So on the second run his calf was obviously getting painful again so he snapped at me and told me to go on (I did). Then back at home his calf became increasingly painful and he became increasingly tetchy. I did ask him whether it actually made his calf feel better for biting my head off but just got more crossness in return - apparently the fact he's in pain makes his behaviour totally normal. And I was "hanging around being irritating". Hmmmm. And although I emailed him some advice from my friend here who used to be a nurse, he's not seen fit to reply or to text or email or anything to apologise for his behaviour. Hence the chocolate.

It's not a good thing that I react to food (chocolate) this way. I wish I were one of those girls who can't eat when I'm upset - I'm quite sure that if that were the case I'd never have had a weight problem. I'm supposed to be seeing the hypnotherapist next Friday - but I didn't send a deposit because I just don't have the money so I'm just hoping I have still got the appointment. And hoping even more that it's the answer to all this.


Mrs said...

Hello lovely Peridot

After reading about your workshop (which sounds ghastly!), I can understand why it led to...chocolate. And b/f just sounds irritated with his calf but you are in the firing line. My husband's words are still a massive trigger.

But, and it is a big but, does this mean you are still maintaining a big weight loss overall??? I think you need to remind yourself of that.

I am so impressed that you are running, I really am! Very, very impressed.

Big kiss.

Mrs Lxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lesley said...

Omigod - that awayday sounds like the bowels of hell!! No wonder you went a bit crazy. So that's one massive trigger, then there's row with bf and weight gain, 2 and 3!!

We all need some rules I think. Some absolutes that we can cling to. I'm trying a big one - "no snacking at work"!!! When I was on abstinence, even if I cheated in the evenings, I NEVER cheated at work so I know I don't need it. So why have I started eating biscuits and sweets now?? So, that's my first change. How 'bout it? Fancy joining me on the "Step Away From The Snack Table" Challenge??

It'd be a good start.

Well done on the running - I know you can do it and it's great feeling to be strong, fit and be confident in your body and what it can do.

Lesley x

Mrs said...

Any news???

Big kiss.

Mrs Lxxxxxxxxxx