Day 54 - update

I know usually when I say I haven't got much to say I then go on for reams and reams of text. Don't think that will be the case today.

Still running - have now done 3 runs of 2 mins walking, 2 mins running for 28 mins. It's still really tough, it still makes my head pound and my legs like jelly. My lungs may feel fractionally less raw but not enough to feel as if I'm making any progress. We're repeating week 6 this week (see above) as b/f hasn't been able to run properly after hurting his calf. Until he was temporarily crippled he found the 2 mins easy enough though - curse him. So it gives him the chance to do the week properly and hopefully gives me the chance to catch up a bit.

My colleague who started me off on the running thing did the Marathon yesterday - she is crippled and hated it! But she's - rightly - proud of herself for doing it, and in under 5 hours. 2 mins seems impossible, 5 hours seems unimaginable. Not that that is what I'm aiming at anyway.

Have been 75% good on food. But I agonise over the odd bit of chocolate that finds its way into my greedy gob. Thursday and Friday last week I had some semi-legit G&B Maya Gold - semi-legit as you're allowed it if you're prepared to lose weight more slowly (I'm not) and/or are close to your goal (I'm not).

Then we had friends for lunch on Sunday. I did asparagus and rocket salad for starter, roast fennel rubbed pork with chilli tomato braised fennel, celeriac, stilton and walnut gratin, roast potatoes, stuffing (b/f did these last two), cheeses and grapes and then a chocolate hazelnut mousse made without sugar - just dark chocolate, hazelnuts and eggs. Of this I managed to stay off the potatoes and stuffing but ate alot of grapes, a small mousse (it was very successful and okay-ish from an IPD perspective (no sugar) and very sophisticated which is not me at all). I troughed the rest of the chocolate left over from the mousse when I made it on Saturday. I was very restrained on the alcohol too. So, a mixed report but of course I'm beating myself up for not being perfect - and this has meant I have eaten a small amount of milk nut chocolate today (2 lines) and that's even worse.

Although we went for lunch to Pizza Express today and I managed not to eat the dough sticks that came with my salad (although I really, really wanted to). And I made a colleague a loaf of Marmite bread (to thank her for a shoulder massage) and I really wanted that too (but didn't).

Life seems all about denial which is very depressing. I need to try and think more positively - about choice for example. But my choice would be to eat chocolate and sweet stuff generally. And also to lose weight. Sadly I'm doing neither at the moment. I've not dared weigh myself since our lunch party (I didn't eat for the rest of the day of course) but I had lost 2lbs in the week. That means I'm still +3lbs over where I was when I started this diet. Not very impressive.