Tuesday, 19 July 2011

Shutting my cakehole

Today is not a good day. If life is throwing me lemons, they’re hitting me hard about the head and squirting juice in my eye to boot. I will not be retrieving those lemons and making sodding lemonade or lemon cake because I can’t have anything that nice. (NB for nice, read calorific/sugary). I can’t even make myself a honey and lemon to soothe my very sore throat – unless I skip the honey...

Today is supposed to be my choir performance. Unusually I love all the music except for one piece and two of the songs I really, really love. It’s all such fun stuff too and quite different for a choir. But I’m not there, I’m at my desk because today has suddenly become a busy day and I was told I couldn’t go. I’m trying to be brave and philosophical but actually I just feel miserable.

And I don’t feel well – I haven’t since the middle of last week when I got a 3 day migraine so bad that it didn’t respond to my nuclear option of very strong prescription drugs which kill the headache but make me feel generally ill in other ways; I take these as a last resort once or twice I year and I had 4 last week. They only took the edge off – my face still drooped and I lost sensation in bits of my face (very odd). By Sunday I felt as though my legs were made of cotton wool, my head ached and my throat was so sore I didn’t want to talk (a rare occurrence indeed). I hauled myself in to work yesterday because of my choir dress rehearsal and because really I’m too busy to be sick. Yesterday a huge mouth ulcer erupted joyfully and malevolently inside my upper lip.

I’ve had a rather dreary weekend food-wise. I knew that I had to ensure I had spare syns for lunch with a friend on Sunday and my gut-twistingly miserable SoD encounter last week made me realise that I simply cannot have syns to enjoy like a normal person; I am not a normal person. As I have so often proven, I have to starve to lose anything. I don’t really want to literally go that far again, so I thought I had better reduce my available syns from the 105 that a normal person gets to 65. I’ve busted that this week already with 82.5 – and that’s if I resist an overwhelming urge to comfort-eat something sweet.

One of the reasons I found out that I’d busted my syn budget was the utterly depressing news SWise One gave me today (with the best intentions) that although SW says a fairy cake is 6 and a slice of cake is either 6 or 8 (can’t remember which), a cupcake is a shocking and depressing 16-22 syns. I had a wonderful cupcake on Saturday – I had no wine, nothing else so that I could enjoy this cupcake. I budgeted a little more than a fairy cake at 8 syns, just to be on the safe side. And it was delicious – I felt that I could bear most things, scrimping and saving my syns to enjoy this sort of thing once a week. But alas, this appears to be another thing I have to give up. Soon there will only be giving up left to give up!

Bf already said sadly the other day how much he approved of a friend who drinks (alcohol); I know how much he hates that I have a mingy and fearful single glass of wine, once a week. But really, what can I do?

And all this would be more bearable if I were actually losing a reasonable amount of weight.

Well, I am making chicken with lemony pearl barley and leek risotto for dinner tonight – that’s one use for all these flipping lemons.


Seren said...

So a single cupcake can represent up to a fifth of a person's syn allowance?? Wow.

I'm sorry you're having such a crappy time of it. It sounds like you need a good break - is the America trip coming up soon?

At the very, very least your dinner sounds lovely.

Sending you warm, fuzzy and very slimming thoughts.


claire said...

But remember how HUGE a cupcake can be. They are massive and the frosting on top is epically ridiculous. The listing you refer to is, I believe, for a caffe nero cupcake and they are BIG. But then that's cupcakes for you. I say stick to chocolate eclairs at a mere 11 for a big one.

And also, remember than on Slimming World there is no 'starving' yourself. You can eat big, syn free meals and have lovely treats like big bowls of pasta, smoked salmon. There should be no 'giving up'. And remember that you are on an eating plan that allows you to have some lovely chocolate every day. That's not a given on most of them! That's a great treat - it shouldn't feel like you're not having any treats at all. Chin up, pip pip xx

Miss Spoon said...

I'm right there with you Peridot, right there.
And unfortunately if you want a cup cake you want a cupcake, no amount of free pasta and smoked salmon can make up for that. Thats where me and SW parted company.
Big hugs xxx

Linz M said...

Oh lady, sorry to hear you are feeling so crap.

Which cupcakes are so synful?? I've just had a look online and I would say around 10/11 for an average cupcake...

Hope you feel better soon.

Massive hugs xx

Lesley said...

Yep....have a plateful of grilled bacon and poached eggs. Delish and fill you up like no-one's business!! I used to love red days. It all starts next week.

Hope you feel better soon hon.

Lesley x xp