Today is not a good day. If life is throwing me lemons, they’re hitting me hard about the head and squirting juice in my eye to boot. I will not be retrieving those lemons and making sodding lemonade or lemon cake because I can’t have anything that nice. (NB for nice, read calorific/sugary). I can’t even make myself a honey and lemon to soothe my very sore throat – unless I skip the honey...
Today is supposed to be my choir performance. Unusually I love all the music except for one piece and two of the songs I really, really love. It’s all such fun stuff too and quite different for a choir. But I’m not there, I’m at my desk because today has suddenly become a busy day and I was told I couldn’t go. I’m trying to be brave and philosophical but actually I just feel miserable.
And I don’t feel well – I haven’t since the middle of last week when I got a 3 day migraine so bad that it didn’t respond to my nuclear option of very strong prescription drugs which kill the headache but make me feel generally ill in other ways; I take these as a last resort once or twice I year and I had 4 last week. They only took the edge off – my face still drooped and I lost sensation in bits of my face (very odd). By Sunday I felt as though my legs were made of cotton wool, my head ached and my throat was so sore I didn’t want to talk (a rare occurrence indeed). I hauled myself in to work yesterday because of my choir dress rehearsal and because really I’m too busy to be sick. Yesterday a huge mouth ulcer erupted joyfully and malevolently inside my upper lip.
I’ve had a rather dreary weekend food-wise. I knew that I had to ensure I had spare syns for lunch with a friend on Sunday and my gut-twistingly miserable SoD encounter last week made me realise that I simply cannot have syns to enjoy like a normal person; I am not a normal person. As I have so often proven, I have to starve to lose anything. I don’t really want to literally go that far again, so I thought I had better reduce my available syns from the 105 that a normal person gets to 65. I’ve busted that this week already with 82.5 – and that’s if I resist an overwhelming urge to comfort-eat something sweet.
One of the reasons I found out that I’d busted my syn budget was the utterly depressing news SWise One gave me today (with the best intentions) that although SW says a fairy cake is 6 and a slice of cake is either 6 or 8 (can’t remember which), a cupcake is a shocking and depressing 16-22 syns. I had a wonderful cupcake on Saturday – I had no wine, nothing else so that I could enjoy this cupcake. I budgeted a little more than a fairy cake at 8 syns, just to be on the safe side. And it was delicious – I felt that I could bear most things, scrimping and saving my syns to enjoy this sort of thing once a week. But alas, this appears to be another thing I have to give up. Soon there will only be giving up left to give up!
Bf already said sadly the other day how much he approved of a friend who drinks (alcohol); I know how much he hates that I have a mingy and fearful single glass of wine, once a week. But really, what can I do?
And all this would be more bearable if I were actually losing a reasonable amount of weight.
Well, I am making chicken with lemony pearl barley and leek risotto for dinner tonight – that’s one use for all these flipping lemons.