I am fighting the good fight - I'm still here, I'm still on that wagon. And I've been helped in keeping aboard by all your kind comments. It's an odd thing - I would find it incredibly difficult to actually articulate how I'm feeling to a friend, face-to-face, I just wouldn't know how to start and would feel too self-conscious and self-indulgent. But a blog post? It's different somehow - like writing a diary I suppose. But better because I get to feel your solidarity percolating through the ether. So thanks, really thanks.
I am hoping that the 2lb gain was SoD evilly messing with my mind. I've done a sneaky unofficial WI and my weight was down a (very) little on last week. I'm not taking any chances though - it's not as if I've covered myself in glory thus far anyway. Even if we discount last week's WI, it still means that I've lost a pathetic 4lbs in 16 weeks. I know I have the most sluggish metabolism known to man, but there has to be a way to lose more than this without lopping off a limb or stopping eating altogether. Realistically in this time I would expect to have lost a stone and a half. That would make such a difference. It would mean that I would be below my lowest 2nd-time-around LL - the weight where I started to feel as if there was hope that I could look normal. It would definitely make me feel confident that I could buy a second hand wedding dress, come 2012.
It's pointless though to agonise over this. I'm not there; I'm still firmly in Porksville. Desire alone won't help me to escape - I just can't work out an escape plan at the moment. I've kept my syns low (36 in 4 days out of a possible 60), I'm drinking more water and hoping (hard) for the best.
PS Expert friend pointed out that she actually lost 7st and has kept it off for 5 years. Awe-inspiring, huh?