Thursday, 22 April 2010

Mission Impossible?

Yesterday was a fat day. Yesterday, despite all my efforts to the contrary, I felt like a big, fat, blob – and therefore unhappy and really self-consious. Members of the jury, allow me to make my case by taking you through the day:

· I did get up early and got off the tube and walked in the c2.5 miles in my MBTs (by dint of not washing my hair – probably didn’t help with feeling such a mess)
· I also walked – extremely fast (arriving revoltingly sweaty) – to meet Beth for pilates. A little over 4 miles, again in MBTs
· Went for a walk at lunchtime (not MBTs – c 35 mins)
· Pilates. More of which later.
· Salad for lunch, salad for dinner, no naughties, no treats

· I wore jeans to work (we don’t have to wear office wear at the moment). I don’t usually wear jeans (or trousers) because my legs are too short and fat for them to look good and finding a top that covers my stomach is problematic. I felt I looked awful all day having caught a glimpse of myself in the full length mirror in the loos looking, er, awful. And fat. And dumpy.
· I was hopeless at Pilates and everyone else was pretty effortless (or that’s how it looked). This was highlighted by the instructor keep saying pityingly to me (and me alone) “Are you okay with that?” and “How did you find that?” during and after each exercise. I was also concentrating on not throwing up since I had arrived so hot and early that I’d quaffed down a skinny frappuccino to try and cool down. Not wise as it turns out.

Let’s examine a few key points in more detail:

Jeans - Beth diagnosed (I asked her) that the problem was that the top I had on with jeans had a kangaroo pocket which made me look even fatter across the midriff. Really useful advice which did make me feel better (although curse it, I’ve only worn the top twice!). I also went home and tried on my jeans which are a size smaller and got them on – they’re tight but they sort of fit (there’s almost no muffin - more of a polite fairy cake). Not sure I’m going to be wearing them just yet, but it did explain a bit why the legs of my jeans felt so unpleasantly loose and baggy in the legs (which added to the dumpy/frumpy feeling).

Pilates – Ow, ow, ow. This morning only my back, shoulders and backs of knees hurt (none of these make my top ten of places to de-fat) but other parts of my body are slowly starting to register protest (my upper arms – yay!) so I hope that despite the humiliation, it did some good. I don’t think I’ll be rushing to do this again – I’d rather do weights, lunges etc at home (of course I don’t, but I would still rather). I did Pilates many years ago with a genius teacher who took us through exercises that didn’t especially hurt at the time, but the next day you felt like you’d been mown down by a fleet of juggernauts; I’ve never been able to replicate that experience since but would like a shot if I could.

Of course, the final verdict should have been delivered by Scales of Doom today, but I was so tired and rushed this morning that I forgot to get on them, damn it.

Today is another day. It’s day one of my commando plan (mission: avoid SoD disaster) for minimal damage over the weekend in Suffolk/Norfolk. Despite a hysteria-inducing lack of sleep, I tore myself out of bed this morning to do that 2.5 mile walk again in my MBTs. Armed just with a rucksack containing vital provisions (boots and an assortment of plastic boxes of food) I wobbled my way along the Thames (wobble not (just) caused by flab but by rocking motion of MBTs), trying to ignore the ache in my shoulders and lower back. Other tactics for the weekend include saying NO to fish and chips tonight (I have to have done a big walk to earn F&Cs) – we are having them on Friday and I’m planning a c10 mile to pay for a small portion. Saying NO to pudding in the restaurants tonight and Saturday unless there’s something I really, really want (and looking at their menus online, there isn’t – I’m picky which is dead useful sometimes), saying NO to any soft drink that isn’t zero calories (sadly no Suffolk apple juice for me), keeping the wine down to minimal levels (ie let bf drink most of bottle and no aperitif for me) and saying YES to lots of exercise. It’s not perfect (when am I ever?!) but that combined with pretty much a solid week of salads (before (tick) and after) will hopefully squeeze me through, if not unscathed then at least not missing in action.


Call Me Ishmael said...

Excellent plant, Peridot! And good job on all the walking - what are MBTs? Are those the masai sneakers that are supposed to tone one's buttocks? If so, does it work? Have fun this weekend. Sounds grand.

Call Me Ishmael said...

Whoops, meant plan, not plant. Sorry!

Badger said...

I soooo hear you on the pilates front, although I'm persevering for now.
I'm so crap at it and not flexible at all. There are at least three exercises I still can't do (and I've been going once a week - not ideal I know - for about 10 weeks).
One involves rolling up from lying down one vertabrae at a time. I just lie on my back like a stranded turtle, my core is so rubbish.
Sometimes the instructor (who ALWAYS singles me out) puts her foot on my legs to help me get up. I put so much effort into it last time, I farted. Very embarrassing.
The only other people in the class who can't do that exercise look over 60 :(

Anyway, I still go even though I hate it in the hope that one day I'll be able to do it but I have felt like never going back on more than one occasion. Particularly post fart.

Peridot said...

Badger - Ah badger, that DID make me laugh! Oh poor you. My mum was kicked out of yoga when I was a toddler as I chose the moment when they were in some deep relaxation pose to chirp up, brightly and LOUDLY "All the mummies are DEAD" causing my mum to have such bad hysterics that she couldn't stop laughing!

Ish - They are indeed. There's a hilarious DVD that comes with them where an earnest American lady tells us much of the effect on "butt-TOX" which I found highly diverting. Don't know if they work but they do make my legs ache so I'm hoping that's a sign. Having said that, when I first bought them c4 years ago, I wore them alot and still don't have legs like Elle McPherson (of course, they'd have to have grown 10" but I still lived in hope!)

Lesley said...

I've been eying MBTs for a while now. Do you feel that they're doing any good?? I may have to take the plunge although I tend to be walking on rough ground out here so maybe less efficacious??

I love working on my "core" but have never tried full pilates. My personal trainer is into it so all my weights etc are "pilates based" - does that count? So, another thing to try following your example.

Have a great time in Suffolk and (adopts stern tone) stick to the rules Missy!!

Lesley x

FitFunk said...

Wow, you're really in the groove! I would really have lost it with an instructor constantly checking in. Either offer a modification to the whole class or zip it!