That should read lack of progress report...
Days cycling - 2/3-4 (blame the weather - as it was I cycled home practically underwater on Thursday)
Number of Circuit of Hell - 2/3
Days happy with eating - 0
Number of skirts fitting - 4 (just)
Number I look good in - 0
Weight lost this week - 0
Number of readers surprised by this - 0
I am still mojo-less. Every day I think it's going to be different but every day it isn't. Every day I plan out my menu and every day I eat too much (chocolate). Every day I go to bed loathing myself and swearing that tomorrow will be different. It isn't.
I seem to be able to count out 12 peanut M&Ms (c100cals) into a plastic box from home to take to work, to break a dark chocolate bar into squares (c50 cals) and wrap each into cling film to put in the fridge and nibble at one a night. What I absolutely cannot do is have any sense of perspective or discipline at work. I buy a multi pack of curly wurlys for my desk drawer (110 cals) and eat two. I think I may have even eaten three on one occasion. I KNOW I can't buy M&Ms at work or I'm incapable of eating half a bag. And if anyone brings in cakes/flapjacks/mince pies/sweets (almost every day at the moment) I'm the first one there. I know I should be ashamed and embarrassed - and I am, but it doesn't stop me. And I'm constantly thinking of what's left, whether I can have more. Even how long I have to wait until the next snack and what I could have in the interim (a cappuccino? Surely that would be okay? I am tired, I need the caffeine etc etc).
It all seems so futile at the moment and I know that even if I managed to lose some weight before Christmas (and that would be s-l-o-w as ever), I'd simply pile on even more over Christmas. My weight is slowly edging up, not down - I lose a bit, go away or there's Christmas or something and I put on more than I lose and so I start the whole process at a higher weight than before. It's depressing, it's exhausting just thinking about it and it's very, very scary.