Okay, I'm feeling a bit guilty that I am maybe too mean about bf in my posts after A's comment on my last blog posting. Thanks for the comment A, and it's nice of you to be so concerned for me but I think I ought to try and be more balanced. I guess I only ever 'talk' about him when things are going badly. He is a strong character and can be a bit of a bully but I am a wuss and ought to get a spine (he has said this actually - but not sure if he'd really like it!). I'm also ridiculously thin-skinned and things that other people wouldn't notice, bruise and wound me and I agonise over things that don't even register with 'normal' people. And - as someone clever once said - you can't change other people, you can only change your behaviour so you shift the dynamic that way. I have had some success with this actually but it's quite tiring to keep up a mode of behaviour that isn't really you. A bit like dieting in fact. I guess it's a question of 'fake it til you make it'.
On swimwear: the stuff finally came from Figleaves. I tried it on. It looked awful. I sent it back. I seem to pay some sort of overnight rental for these things - I pay the postage but have nothing to show for it at the end of the day. Actually bf came in whilst I was mid-tankini and said I looked good (as I cowered away, hoping he might not spot me at my worst - ha!). I really, really didn't look good and I think this was what he thought was a subtle attempt to get back in my good books after compter-rage #2. The tankini was brown and he hates brown too! As a redhead, brown is my black (ie I wear it alot) but I have to confess it's not an inspiring colour for swimwear. I have bought a rather fuddy-duddy swimsuit (given up on tankinis, the lines are definitely even less flattering) from Bravissimo -in (you've guessed it) brown! With a turquoise band around the waist (http://www.bravissimo.com/products/swimwear/swimsuits/ballet/swimsuits/bw05-details.aspx?colour=Choc+Blue). Unsurprisingly it looks a lot better on her! Then I cunningly went online and found the exact same swimsuit in turquoise with a navy band (http://www.curvesandgoddess.com/ballet-acapulco-swimsuit-p-244.html) which is more summer-y I think. Unsurprisingly it will look a lot better on her! Of course, now I have to bite my nails and hope it arrives by Friday (paid extra for next day delivery so it ought to - and ordered a couple of other options too so will have to squeeze in a trip to the post office again before we go to return the others).
Diet - things are not good. I keep eating sugary crap. And I've not been able to cycle nor have I done the Circuit of Hell. That +2lbs really stuffed me in all senses of the phrase. I am freaking out that I will not even be able to fit into my fatter wardrobe by the time I return from Turkey. Already the few things I've tried on in shops don't fit. And freaking = sugar in the mad world of Peridot. I am not going to let myself do this. Today has been a little better and tomorrow is going to be better yet. I will not have that giving-up slump. This is not the beginning of the end but the end of the er, lapse.