Wednesday, 17 June 2009

Life vs diet

Dieting is all very easy (relatively speaking of course!) as long as you can be 100% focused on it. The moment you have to juggle it with something else, like, er, life, it all goes a bit pear-shaped. As do you. Oh, okay, me then

Since I got back from Cornwall 3 weeks ago, I've really knuckled under and counted calories and exercised - all those dreary necessities which shift the scales downwards. And it has paid off - I am now back to pre-Cornwall weight. It's still to heavy, it still means that my clothes don't fit, but it's heading in the right direction. And now I have a wedding tomorrow, a party on Saturday, a long not-quite-weekend with bf in the New Forest (from Sunday to Tuesday) and then I'm off to N Wales with my mum and the labradors for 10 days.

I don't want to do another Cornwall and come back 10lbs heavier - I really don't. I'm unhappy being this size - finding things to wear (new or existing) is hard and I don't feel good about myself. But my fear is that without cycling 4x a week, and without scrupulously counting my allocation of 1200-1300 cals a day, my weight is going to start creeping (or possibly even galloping) back up. I've done the maths - or rather Food Focus has as my maths is pretty abysmal - and a 3-4 hour hike should be more calories burnt than my 2 hour cycle. So technically, I should be able to eat over 2000 cals a day and STILL lose weight (2lbs a week according to FF) as long as I'm 'hiking' for 3-4 hours a day. But according to FF I should be able to eat just over 2000 cals a day now and still lose 2lb a week - but I ignore that. Yes, I eat more at the weekend but I don't think it would bring my average calorie intake up that high - and I know that my useless metabolism just doesn't respond like a 'normal' person's so that makes me ultra paranoid. I do want to - and need to - be more relaxed about eating whilst away, it's finding that balance: something I've never yet been successful in. It's feast or famine for me - literally! At least in Wales I should be able to eat sensibly 3 times a day and allow for an ice cream or a piece of cake mid-hike and not balloon. Admittedly, in the New Forest with bf I'm likely to eat more just because we'll eat out in the evenings but again, I'm hoping that sensible choices will limit the damage and long walks will offset. But, but, but. Ooohhhhh the fear...

So, in other news: this morning I cycled in and had just finished showering in the office's changing rooms when I realised I'd left my skirt at home. Arghhhh. So having dropped my make up and nectarine in my fluster, I had to run to the shops in my cycle gear to buy another skirt. Could I find anything? No, I flipping couldn't. I tried M&S to no avail - only frump-tastic (and I have enough problems in that department (with a small 'd') anyway) so was forced into Monsoon - yes, I'm in London but I'm in a sort of shopping wasteground here.

I quite like Monsoon's stuff but it's hideously over-priced for very indifferent quality. I think I tried every skirt on in the shop and only one fitted me at all - so I had to buy that for £45. And I don't even like it:,5,shop,women,skirts,casualskirts
I think it's a bit wishy-washy and the sash doesn't look a fraction as nice in real life - it curls up and makes your top protrude where the bow is. I'm going to have to wear and wear the sodding thing now I've had to fork out for it too.

The thing is that I tried on all 16s and the straighter ones in particular were too tight and highlighted my stomach (there was a skirt I actively liked on the hanger that falls into that category). I then tried on 18s in these styles which were absurdly big round the waist. I really don't want to think I'm an 18 - I've been there and I've been a 14 too and I was hoping I was moving 14-wards. I do think Monsoon just doesn't cater to my shape - their women appear to be wider in the waist and slimmer in the hip (and gut) than me, more up and down where I'm more in and out (sadly more out than in). Still, a label that's a bigger size than you think you are has remarkable power to ruin your day.

1 comment:

Lesley said...

Aaah sweets, I know that shopping can be a pain, especially under pressure shopping. Gaah!! But, I bet the skirt will look nicer on as you drop another few lbs and you'll find tops to go with it which make it look less "wishy washy" to you.

On the other thing, the being derailed by life thing. That is what we've been talking about with the Psych guy. He says that being derailed is really when your chimp takes control over you. YOU really don't want to overeat at the moment because YOU want to lose weight but your chimp uses the excuses of long weekends and social events to derail you. There are probably ways that YOU could have a great time socially without overeating, maybe relaxing a little but not too much. So, it's making the dieting "normal" behaviour rather than the overeating being normal and congratulating yourself for being in control when you're dieting.

Tricky stuff.

Why not try sticking to your regime through a weekend and seeing whether it really does ruin it or whether you just think it'll ruin it if you don't have the cream teas etc. You might find yourself being happier sticking to your restraint with maybe only a small relaxation??

What's the worst that could happen? A bit like missing a meal on Beck to prove that hunger is nothing to be scared of.

Just some thoughts but I know it's hard, especially when you don't have much margin for error on the calories front.

Keep it up chuck.

Lesley x