Number stress

I have always hated numbers - I found maths incredibly hard to understand at school and I think I'm a bit numerically dyslexic as I find a string of numbers hard to read, they sort of jump about and transpose themselves. In my entrance exams for secondary school they made a point of telling my parents that I had failed the maths (no surprise to me but it infuriated my father) and it was only that my English exam was so good that they were letting me in. And numbers never seem to work for me - I know Mrs Lard always says 'knowledge is power' or similar (and I believe there's quite a school of thought backing her up on this!) and her comment yesterday said that "numbers are information" but I can't help but think that in this case, ignorance is bliss!

Which is absurd of course - this is adopting an emu-like head in the sand posture (yep, the lack of sunshine is caused my large ass blocking out the sun). But I couldn't cycle today because of the rain (instead seething through yet another Jubilee line disaster) and so I am fretting about how I can possibly manage on my c940 calories today. This is the requirement to lose 2lbs a week apparently. Now, I was 600 under yesterday because of all the cycling but I think that I might need those over the weekend! Not that I'm planning on going mad AT ALL but even on very low calorie options I struggle to keep to the 940 cals (hey, who am I kidding, I go over that - I can't seem to get much lower than 1100 calories no matter how hard I try) and throw in a glass of wine, well... And I've decided that I do want to have an evening meal with bf on a Saturday night. I'm happy that it's a healthy choice but I really hate eating different things at different time - there's a certain inclusivity about sitting down at the table to a nice meal together with wine, candles and music.

I've added up all the calories until dinner time and I had the princely sum of 220 left to spend (and that was with adding in a brisk half hour walk at lunchtime) - see what I mean? And I've added in what I'll eat for dinner and this leaves me 453 calories over. When you know you're going to fail, it makes it more difficult to really stick to it whole-heartedly. I guess my 'overdraft' of calories from today balances out my 600 surplus from yesterday but I think it's unlikely that I'll be able to stick to 940 calories tomorrow (Saturday). On Sunday I have a 3 hour ramble set up which helps a little with the calorie count (not to mention being good wholesome fun!) and we're meeting for brunch in Carluccios first (2 meals squeezed together - should be good, right? Even though it's Out). Of course Carluccios don't provide nutritional info (grrr) so I'll be a bit at the dark about what damage or otherwise I'm causing. Scrambled eggs and mushrooms on 1 slice of (good) toast and a skinny cappuccino - that can't be too much of a disaster, right?

Hopefully, generally, I'll be able to be under by at least 500 cals during the week at least four days by cycling on those days and that will allow me to manage better with cals at the weekend. As I say, numbers come back to bite me so I feel uncertain that this is a foolproof (or, worse, Peridot-proof) plan. I do so want this to work.