I should never, NEVER, say things are going to get better soon.
Work is....well, it's hit a new low. By the end of the day I am exhausted by maintaining a bright, professional 'game face' and metaphorically blooded from a thousand cuts. I can see us ending up in a tribunal because I WILL NOT allow them to bully me. We'll see - there is one or maybe two stages before that. By the time I get home I'm exhausted as all the adrenaline leaves me and I just want to slump and cry. It's not good. The other night I couldn't be bothered to eat - dinner was two glasses of (indifferent) wine. P has been a ROCK. He meets me for a swift coffee most lunchtimes, just so I can see a friendly face. My colleagues are fine btw - it's t'management - so it's not as if I'm sat there in a sea of hostility, that would be unbearable.
Still, the bank holiday weekend will be a blessed relief. But I really need to find a new job - and I'm trying. I've even applied for a maternity cover and would give up my (toxic) full-time job with no certainty of the cover extending beyond 9 months. And that's if I were to get it.
In other news: we are dog-sitting. We have a chocolate lab for 3 weeks whilst my mum is in Singapore visiting my brother and the chav-in-law. Lily (the lab) is having an intense love affair with P. As I type, she's lying outside the bathroom, waiting for him to come out of the shower. She follows him around and sits by him, gazing up at him. This is v cute; her waking us at 5am or 5.30am is not.
It's not helping that I'm not sleeping. I lie in bed and it feels like misery literally pulses through my body. It's mainly about the way I look but work is now crowding in too. I do get to sleep but I'm getting 4-6 hours and I'm an 8+ hours girl. It makes things harder. But I usually sleep well in Suffolk - the clean, sea air I think - so am hoping, if Lily lets me, of doing some catching up this weekend.
The silver linig of the week is the best WI I've had in - well this year I think - I'm now Repulsive.5 3/4lbs so that's about 2 1/2lbs off I think. It doesn't make me feel any better about how I look - I think it's going to take a couple of stone before that - but it doesn't make me feel worse. And frankly that's an absolute blessing. If I could be sure that I'd move steadily in that direction I would feel less dreadful about it but past experience suggests I really would be very foolish indeed to hope.