So, no, all my own work.
But thank you everyone for the words of support and suggestions – its means more than you can ever know. I don’t talk to anyone about this – not a soul – and this is my only outlet. I sometimes think I would go mad if I internalised it any more than I do.
I have been seeing this psychologist but she’s really there to help me stop doing things that make me put on weight. Since that seems to essentially be existing and breathing, I’m not sure she can help. She can’t help me lose weight and she can’t make me reconciled to that (let alone anything more positive), I am going to suggest we call it quits. As it is, I am an hour late into work once every fortnight – which is not viewed with any degree of acceptance – and she comes into work 45mins early to fit me in. So it’s a lot of pain for no gain. Unless it’s of the lard variety.
Last Friday I lost 1lb and something. Could have been 1.25lbs or 1.75lbs, can’t really remember. I have to find some way to actually document this somewhere where it will never, never be seen. I think that makes my net loss for the month something under a lb – possibly a 1/4 . I know it’s better than nothing – but only a few ounces. Literally.
This weekend, three meals out led to two puddings (but otherwise okay choices), one of which was worth it, one of which wasn't and I left about a quarter of each. I ought to be able to take a moment to be proud that I was able to employ some willpower but of course, I’m dreading the – likely – savage judgement of SoD.
By Friday however, I will have done a day of painting –will that help do you think? We have taken off a week and a half to paint the entire flat (walls, woodwork and ceilings) prior to long overdue flooring arriving. All of which was precipitated by two leaks, one at either end of the flat. (Surely all painting two bedrooms, two halls, two bathrooms and a living room ought to burn some flab?) It will be good to get it done but it will stop us going on holiday this year (sudden lottery win apart). The upside of THAT of course is that I won’t have the I’m-too-fat-and-I- have-nothing-to-wear pre-holiday panic. Although that pretty much is my life at the moment.