So this is why I shunned SoD for so long. I've been anxious about weigh in day for the last couple of days - but I'd had a good week, I was well overdue seeing my efforts rewarded by SoD. It should all be good, right? I had to stop being neurotic and trust that doing the right thing would end in the right place, right? Keep. The. Faith
Wrong. I put on 1 1/2lbs. I am now at a new all-time high (weight). When I talk about Fresh Fat, I mean putting it on, whereas most dieting blogs refer to getting rid of it.
That is the sort of high that makes me feel low. I really feel very unhappy. I don't know what to do, I can only tweak because of the diabetes - no new seductive possible diet that might, just might, oh please might, help me shed some of this blubber. Not, admittedly, that it ever has.
It's odd how getting bigger makes me feel smaller. It's as if as my girth increases, something in me gets smaller and sadder. Which is doubly ironic as I have the jeans of pain on today - not sure if it's some psychological need to punish myself since they hurt when I was almost 4lbs smaller (small obv being a relative term) so you can imagine...
As Seren says, all I can do is keep on keeping on. I'm just very scared as to where I will end up, emotionally and physically.