I did 3 fast days last week but on two of them had minor cheats – on Wednesday the choir I sing with had organised their OAP idea of a party and they were so pleased with themselves I felt that I had to have a small plastic cup of rough red wine. On Friday I was so hungry that I went all floppy and shaky and had a tsp of peanut butter and a slivver of cheese. And I still think I have too much on a non-fast day.
I need this week to be stellar – I’m not weighing myself so it’s hard to know what effect I’m having but I fear a very slow upward trend – maybe for my clothes to feel more comfortable at the weekend and next week. It’s nebulous isn’t it? I think it needs to come down to feeling as if I’m going in the right direction; I know it’s not the done thing to be so candid but I absolutely hate myself at the moment, I literally repulse myself. And then there are the practicalities: there is no way my winter coat will fit me at the moment – I know that hopefully I have a bit longer of that not being an issue but I’m living on borrowed time. And in a limited wardrobe.
The thing is, I don’t really understand why I’m doing so badly: I know I have never been a good loser (in that I rarely lose much weight at a time) but after a holiday where I’ve put on weight, I have usually managed to lose that weight slowly. At the moment I don’t think that’s happening.
And it clearly does work for a lot of people. Despite the backlash I’m starting to see, saying that we’re boring or downright violent on the starve days! All of this is possibly true – although I rarely have the energy to commit violence and that’s despite the heat of my office making me feel as if I am permanently simmering on a short-fuse.
So today is a stave day and I’m doing well so far. It’s keeping going whilst feeling all wobbly and sorry for myself. And yes, cross. I’ve had a green salad of leaves, cucumber and half an avocado with prawns for lunch and tonight I’ll have spray roasted courgettes and a piece of seabass with lemon. I think I may go wild and have a mini Twister (40 cals) It would be unbearable if it were for more than one day at a time but the genius is that you feel as if you can just about put up with it for a day. I’ll do it again on Wednesday and Friday.
Something needs to give. Other than my waistbands.
PS Congratulations Badger!