I feel you are due an update. I have been avoiding coming on here for fear of being what is glibly called “a Debbie Downer”. Things at work are still desperate but I’d like to thank you for your words of support, advice and encouragement; I have applied for one job and am in the process of applying for another and I have my eyes peeled for any others. Applying for jobs is a lengthy and time-consuming process; applying for jobs whilst trying to satisfy the despotism of a cliquey group of tyrants and trying to keep one’s wilting pecker up, is a whole other world of pain. But oh so worth it – even to feel that I’m doing something to get myself out of that situation is good.
And good news on the old WI – Scales of Doom are obviously aware that I am teetering on the brink of the abyss and awarded me a 2.5lb loss for the week! I can’t quite believe it! Okay, the misery diet may have helped a little but I had fish and chips, 3 fizzy cola bottle sweets, 1 spoonful of ice cream, 1 slice of bread and 2 glasses of wine (not all at the same time – over the course of the weekend). I have no impending tricky things to negotiate in the week ahead (food-wise at any rate) so it will be interesting to see what happens this week. As long as TOTM doesn’t sod it all up.
The trick, I think (and it is harder than you might imagine) is not to think of it as a 2 day a week diet; oh no, it’s an all week diet where 2 days are particularly tough. It’s all too easy to put off having anything on the milk days by thinking you’ll have it once the 2 days are out of the way – and then thinking you’ve promised yourself and you deserve it! The reward needs to be scales-based rather than food-based.
Talking of which.....
My birthday weekend is in 3 weeks time now and I have been consoling myself with self-indulgent thoughts of a diet-free nature in times of stress. This is what I fancy but will try to talk myself out of at least some of this arrant hedonism:
Breakfast – chocolate croissant, fruit
Lunch – picnic, mid-hike, with baguette, pate and cheese and a cupcake or brownie
Dinner – we’re going out. 3 courses plus wine plus a glass (or two) of fizz.
Following day – afternoon tea and more fizz I expect
I know, terrible isn’t it? And I’m not usually that interested in croissants – I have no idea why I suddenly want one so badly, pastry is not something that ever calls to me usually. But then, I always said my favourite carb was rice and it’s actually bread I really, really miss. Not boring old sliced bread but yummy artisanal have to cut it yourself (wonkily in my case) bread. Okay, I need to stop thinking about bread now.
I am working from home today. It’s a weird one – I miss my colleagues (most of them are lovely – just a few (senior) ones who are vile) but it’s a treat to have a lie in and be able to bung washes through the machine. I had thought of it as a respite from the spite but although I’m out of the atmosphere, an unpleasant email last time I was working from home showed that they can bring the nastiness to you. Poor P came home to me in tears again. I am not really a cryer so this must be alarming for him (I think 3x in the last week) but he takes it all in his stride; on Monday he looked at my face when I got in and said “you’re not going to be eating tonight, are you?” so he knows the signs! He’s been an absolute tower of strength and I really think I wouldn’t be so sane without him (okay, my definition of sane may be different to yours!). Every day he tells me that it can’t get any worse and they can’t physically hurt me or kill me so it’s okay. I am trying to stop finding it all so hard, adopt a ‘sod it’ mentality and just think that it’s only a matter of time before I’m out. Work in progress.