Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Plan B

Okay, normal service will now resume. You might take issue with the word ‘service’, as indeed do I, but you know what I mean. Normal meandering rubbish will now resume perhaps!

Sorry about the self-indulgent post yesterday. A blog is a funny thing, it’s not a diary but sometimes I treat it as such. And I shouldn't. All those thoughts and feelings are normally damped right down, repressed into a small kernel inside which I ignore. But sometimes the kernel sprouts (to continue a poor analogy) and its shoots wrap around me and choke me.

The only thing I should whinge about on here is weight, right? So here we go!

I put on 1 ¼ lb this week. That, dear Reader, is worth whinging about. It brings my loss to 2lbs in 5 weeks. I think I am going to have to accept that I will be a fat bride. I can honestly say I’ve been putting the effort in but clearly I’m having my usual ‘success’. It means that getting a dress will be hard, being able to look at myself in said (very expensive) dress will fill me with disappointment and self-loathing, that the photos are likely to cause me pain and humiliation. And I’m going to have to get on with that and get some tactics in place to deal with it as best I can and without dragging anyone down into my unhappiness.

I need more than a few hours of sleep to come up with anything though (and when I did sleep, I had nightmares about the dress – and that was before the WI). But I will.

PS Thanks Gabby and Seren: but really it is me. I bet you P's forgotten all about this now - it's a fresh day for him; he's annoyed about something, says so unequivocally and can admittedly be a bit of a git, is off with me and then moves on. I agonise over it like a melodramatic Victorian heroine.


Seren said...

Glad to see another post from you so quickly. I know what you mean about sometimes wanting to treat a blog like a diary. But it can be helpful. And every girl is entitled to behave like a Victorian heroine from time to time. Female prerogative.

Now, as to the wedding dress. I sympathise, I really do. I didn't even put the effort in prior to my wedding...looking back, I think I went into some kind of bizarre rebellious mode. I was a bigger bride than I wanted to be. I thought that would be something that would make me sad. But do you know what? It really doesn't. I had a lovely day. Every time I look at my left hand I smile. If you don't like the photos? So what, stick em in the back of the wardrobe - no law that says you have to have them out!

I bypassed dress shopping. If I'm honest, I didn't want to go through the squeezing into size 10 samples. I found a picture I liked and a nice woman and she made it for me from scratch, so in the end had something completely personal. So that's one option. Or, just drink a bottle of champagne before you go shopping! That's another (probably better!) option. I have plenty of friends who have got married and looked lovely in bought dresses in a size 16, 18, 20 etc.

Courage, mon brave!!


Linz M said...

I am most definitely going to be a fat bride - and to be honest, I am starting not to care. Matt has only ever known me fat and he still wants to marry me. I am pretty sure I will be a heck of a lot fatter than you are!

Regarding dress shopping, I had a couple of experiences, both mostly good. I found more and more shops are catering for larger sizes these days. It probably won't be as bad as you think. Like Seren, I am having mine made - that way I get exactly what I want.

You will look gorgeous, fear not!


Lesley said...

I was a chunky bride (size 16-18) and not nearly as toned as I am now and, despite the sad end of the marriage, our wedding day was brilliant!! I too had my dress made to my specification so I could arrange for it to show off the bits I liked and flatter/conceal the other bits!!

Lovely are quite a bit like me in the avoiding confrontation stakes so I know exactly what you mean when you describe being cut up after a row and angsting over it. All I can say is, keep practising explaining and standing up for yourself because it DOES get easier and dont ever think that it is YOUR fault for feeling worse than bf 'cos we all have different tolerances....they're not wrong, just different.

And, gosh missing 3 posts makes for long comments, you are GORGEOUS!! Stop with the "average at best"crap. Grrrr

Lesley xxx

Call Me Ishmael said...

Here's a little something I hope will bring back happier memories. Natl' Geographic just did a bit on best ski towns, and naturally, hit upon..... (drum roll, please)..... North Conway, NH!! Sorry this blasted link is so long, but it does work.